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Hiding behind my smile.
Hiding  behind the sparkle in my eyes.
Hiding behind who I am inside.
Hiding behind the tears I cry.
Hiding behind one big lie.

Hiding from the voices in my head.
Hiding from the blood I've shed.
Hiding from the pain I've caused.
Hiding from all my flaws.

Hiding all the scars I've made.
Hiding all my razor blades.
Hiding all my feelings still.
Hiding what i wish wasn't real.

Deep down I can see the real me,
that's all covered up by this scarred body.

One day I won't have to hide who I am,
I will come out from my mind, be proud of who I am.
Life is like a big game of Hide and Seek, but he who hides too well is never found.
For my "Big Brother".*
Love Always, *****.

You said it was adorable
The way my hair curled
around the hollows of my neck
Brushing across my skin
like a
n o o s e

You said my looks could shatter glass,
that my repugnant features
would SURELY guarantee a life of solitude
You loved to point out my flaws
And how my laugh was too late
breathing too loud
walking too fast

The shallow scars on my wrists
were alluring to you
you encouraged me to make more
and I loved the kiss of cold metal just a little too much
and
you
loved
that
I
loved
it.

You said you understood me
my thoughts were dark and scattered
I wasn't always able to share them with you
But I didn't need to
you already
"u n d e r s t o o d"

my dark companion
the only one I ever trusted
We fought our demons together
Dragging the other to hell as well

You wasted no time in telling me
what a waste I was
of skin
of space
and I wasted no time in  b e l i e v i n g  you

You would hold me in your arms
and whisper bittersweet nothings
compliments with a hard slap attached
convincing me I was far more flawed than I am.

We fought like rabid wolves
growling,
hissing,
howling,
circling,
nipping at my ankles,
you'd force me to f a l l.

tearing and ripping apart flesh
with words
and my feeble palms
left angry red marks on your chest and face
but my struggle only made you more eager

Every tear that fell from my face
gave you life
every sob that came from my throat
gave you a voice
you could not stand alone
you said
y o u  c o u l d   n o t   l i v e   w i t h o u t   m e

You said I didn't understand you
that I could never comprehend the torment YOU
were experiencing
I was FAR too dull to see.

It wasn't until I realized
I didn't need to play your childish games
I didn't need you
or your "passionate, intense" heart.

Once I stopped hitting back
your blows became harder

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of life.

Not worthy of existence.

And I believed you.
I trusted you.

E n d   i t,
you said.
Peering down at the street far below us

You said to.

The height was dizzying

Y o u   s a i d
"Jump."
Note: I'm still alive and healthy, and I'm a lot more happy than I was at the time this writing takes place. The person that inspired this is someone I am no longer in contact with, this poem is my way of letting go and moving on. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support!
 Jun 2013 Kailee Sometimes
Morgan
I tried to find a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I tried to build a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I tried to buy a home in you
And when I couldn't,
I begged with tired lip & worn out tongue,
"Please shelter me"
But the green light in your eyes blinked,
"No vacancy"
I just want to hear those words,
            roll off your tongue,
     push through your lips,
and plant their roots in my heart.
I just want your hand,
          to be tucked away in mine,
       while the world keeps spinning,
                  around us.
I just want your lips,
     to make contact with mine.
I just want,
I just want to,
I just want to know,
that You
                    Love Me.
I see things
No one else looks
I know the meanings

Pay attention to the small things
Little talks can read like books
I see things

Conversations defined by greetings
Feelings slip from hooks
I know the meanings

You can cave in all your ceilings
Body Language you mistook
I see things

High and low fill your feelings
From having no outlook
I know the meanings

Interactions are only dealings
Thieves, liars, and crooks
I see things
I know the meanings
This is a poem for a class that I'm supposed to put out to the public, so any comment you may have would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
This poem is a set-form Villanelle
Uncaring minutes are but passersby
disregarding my wails.
They hear me; they offer no help.
Though, with only sixty seconds to exist,
why would they stop for me?

The hours pound against my skull with intent to smash their way in.
Such constant clangor resonates through my consciousness
disturbs my ego,
dislodges regrets,
the agitation seems to sieve out
tiny jealousies from among other thoughts.

The Days...
Oh those ******* Days.
They see me confused and seize their chance;
they pull out my feet
right from under my frame,
and helpless, hurt,
I collapse to the earth.
And here time really sets in.

The Months form gangs called 'Years'
and The Years take their turn
breaking my joints, my fingers, my knees,
all my snappable, crackable points.
Curved, crippled,  and creaking,  
I languish in fantasies of what's supposed to be,
oh, and the 'might-have-beens'.

Time makes things worse.

A dark shadow moves over me.
I look up  as far as a heavy, beaten head will allow
only to see the massive, soul-crushing weight of the decades
seating their backside;
oppressively,
down to rest upon my twig-like spine.
Snap

And throughout the abuse,
I crawl, cringe, cower
as safe as can be in a low lying state on the ground,
(which is still six feet too high for all that time cares!)
I hear from somewhere afar
an unfaltering decree
from my maker to me
"Stand up straight! For Heaven's sake!"
my body is my temple
treated it like a cave
and my heart is a rock
but it weighs heavy in me
my eyes are glass windows
and my hips hold keys
but I know where I wanna be
I’ll get there with my feet
 Jun 2013 Kailee Sometimes
Morgan
Don't recite to me an other metaphor about your heart beat or a sonnet about my eyes
I'm gonna *****
Miss my mouth again
Like we're kissing for the first time
Fumble in the dark
Like you don't have my skin memorized
I admire you even when you're awkward
And honest and weird
Please tell me when you're scared
I wanna trust you
You can be a perfect poet with a pen
When you're reflecting on this later
But right now, if your words all fade
clumsily into each other, it's okay
Because, my darling angel,
I swear on every vowel of this messy piece
That I love you anyway
Lalala I love you always
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