You will not get to know me that way. . . I am truely sorry, but I have no games to play- I am an open book without a single ounce of shame. And I will not be another lessoned learned. I cannot take back my yesterdays or press stop to rewind- I cannot give you tomorrow it's just a lie we all use to get off- it's like unconditional... ya, it's just mostly made up.

So please just keep away from me. Your hopefull eyes make my stomach turn and my ******* head ache. You're just the random blanket I pulled from a forgotten closet shelf- You keep me warm for an hour at best.

Don't get mad as I shrug you off me, watching as you hit the floor. Did you think I'd fold you up nicely, put you back as you were?

Aww, its ok, really, dry your eyes... but not on me- not this time. We have all been there; we have all been that sad girl. Everyone gets a turn didnt you know? unfortunetly this time it's yours.

I am exhausted, tired to my very bone, I am weak from not eating. My muscles are sore-my knots bundled tight… I do not have much to give and for the first time- I do not have much fight.

I have this bad habit of seeing what I want- being blinded by that smile- the one she gives me that curves my mouth at the slightest thought or touch… instead of seeing that person or situation for exactly what it was- and I am just simply… not what she wants.

And I am not going to say it doesn’t hurt- because it does- it hurts more than I thought it would. Do you owe me something? How about a proper good bye- Do you owe me something? Alright fair enough- No baby you owe me nothing- my mistake, I thought you were my friend, although I still believe you to be- you just have a complicated way of showing me at times.

and ok I admit it, maybe I know nothing and my intuition ******* *****- but I did not know friend’s kissed like this… do all your friends make you wet, sweat and call their names like this? Last time I checked I did not touch my friends like this.

I wanted you to be more, because I was starting to care more- normally you do not shrug off my feelings or my touch, but last night you did and now somehow my feelings are not allowed and this situation is my fault- or at least it feels that way… and you were wrong I did not sleep at all.

And maybe I am missing something- after all I cannot see things through your eyes- but I am willing to listen if you would be willing to have me hear your side- like I have told you before I am not passive- I feel and when I am hurt impulse gets the best of me - but it doesn’t mean my wounds will not heal- it doesn’t mean I have changed my mind- or you mean anything less to me… it’s just my defense because I do not want you to see how badly not saying good bye hurt me.

When I find someone who makes me smile it's hard, but I understand why you go. I am a dirt bag, the  lowest of lows. Im just trying to keep this smile you bring, like I said it's hard but I will let you leave.

I want a taste of passion biting on the edge of bliss, waking up to that smile and living for that one girls kiss. These moments I share might as well be a pebble in water, at first the ripples are close and then they grow farther and farther.

Your actions speek loud, louder than your words, but then again you don't say much, you have no voice to be heard.

So what am I to act on? My telepathy and assumption? Alright girl I know women and I am good at that game, but please remember I never asked to play. I just want you to be blunt and admit you don't know what you are doing but your not going to stop because you think I am worth knowing

I have watched the destruction you cause at every turn
Sneaking about like a diseased rodent in the night
Rummaging through all your neighbor’s trash
Whispering half truths, manipulating all those around you.

Of course you hide your ill intent you greedy *****
You do not care about her
You just cannot bare to lose
Not giving a **** who you make miserable
As long as they end up showing their ***
Becoming just as ugly as you.

What a sad sight you are,
Treating the wrong girl second best,
What a dumb ******* *****
Oops you don’t like that word,
Well guess what I don’t give a ****.

You ruin people, leaving your stench under their skin
Even more like a leech ******* dry its host
Leaving her victims exhausted,
Hearts broker beyond repair

Nothing left except one night stands in the darkest of bars
Void of feeling anything for anyone who might actually care…
yes... selfish, dumb *****, embodies everything about you.

Can you give me one look of recognition
Just one kind word, how about a statement-
yes I believe in you.

Your not so young dad, like that old dog
fixed in your ways, you are still my papa bear
will I ever be your shiny perfect girl?

your eyes so proud
color now darken with distain
your voice is heavy
and your words hindering
making my heart break

i know you do not understand
the choices that I make
this is my life dad for me there is no other way

I’m  good at a lot of things
most I learned from you
I can make them laugh dad,
tell a story like the truth, I can build things with my hands
yes I am just like you

I could write the sweetest words
or words to take your breath,
I can get real angry, wound you to the core
yeah dad I’m just as passionate about
writing as you are about your sword.

I love-
love women and things your
mind will never except
but for me, I just simply cannot go back
you did however make me miss a step
this is where I’m different I’m not afraid
of heights or the fall dad, I can get back up
I have learned to stand on my own

We both keep saying we are not girlfriend kind of girls... both afraid to be anything but first choice -
wanting to be pursued-  to be treated with respect, yes we want to be number one and treated like the best.

So what if I told you I'd do my best to keep the smiles coming, nights filled with thrills and heat, a touch so passionate it keeps you *******, emotion's simple conversation fun and witty, plus arms strong enough to hold you making sure you sleep easy. How close would you let me get, how deep inside you would you allow me to go? what if I said I wanted all of you and in return i'd let down my guard and give you my heart?

I have to be honest I knew there was something about you, I just didnt know exactly what; but now im at your disposal and i must admit its been nothing but fun. Im still not sure what we are trying to accomplish. Its plain to see we are definitely not thinking.


The only thing I know is I do not want it to end, infact maybe we have lost our minds-  but let me tell you, i am ok with it… or just maybe we had to go through them to meet and this is the way it was supposed to be- I really dont care, either way is just fine, as long we keep ending up in each others arms… yes that will do nice.

I am going to focus

I am going to get it right

I want you, but just know

I dont need you in my life.



I feel good and I am seeing clear

just how much I dont actually want

you here.



I am the one you neglect

like that book on the shelf

yeah i've been meaning to read it,

not today, but the next.



I am filled with pages

waiting to be opened and read

with blank ones tucked away in the back

ready to be filled in.



This book's story is someones favorite read

it might not be of your taste

filled with adventures and a romantic twist

just another something you have never read

so you'll pass me along

until I find a bed stand to hold me up strong

,my pages loosened from being read

over and over again.



I thought I was falling apart

but now I see I am just begining to

lead and start.



Start a new direction

one of my own making

with endless possibilities and roads to travel

for the taking.



I want it all, to live to the fullest

I am going to travel

I am going to be fearless.

And if love finds me again

I am going to take it

Feel it down to my bones



Never holding back or thinking of  a regretful past.



I am going to go

I am going to do it all

I am going to fly so high that I reach the star's

taking back my heart and giving it to myself

there i will keep it and treat it with respect.