Existence is exhausting
Do you feel it?
I barely open my bleary eyes when
My warm bed seduces me to stay
But I tear myself away to
Sit with a straight back or else
Fingers attempt to move on the keys
Avoiding the word “Facebook”
I fight with my hands, step with my feet,
Faster, harder, effort goes in
World spins in motion and I along with it
Grinding, grinding harder
Because life grinds back
Because I’m going somewhere
Or at least, I want to go somewhere
Really though, I go to bed
Yesterday fades away
Into tomorrow, no mercy
Everything all over again
The treadmill of time knows no bounds –
Existence is exhausting.

I found success, he says
Over and over and over again.
I found success.
I found success.
He’d wanted to win the Nobel Prize too,
Also repeating over and over
I’ll win the Nobel Prize.
I’ll win the Nobel Prize.
As if it were a mantra
Reminding himself
Of who he wanted to be
Where he wanted to go.

He repeats many things over and over
What he eats every day
Where he walks every day
How furiously he writes
How furiously he talks
How furiously he scowls
And yells at the contrary.

He’s convinced himself of many things
He’s convinced himself he’s headed
To the Nobel Prize
To the greatness he deserves
Or rather, that he is
If he just keeps scratching away
The same pace every day
The same, the same
Same same, same same.

Speak with the gentle touch of wind
Grazing cheeks gracing light touch of feeling,
Or with soft chirping of birds
Floating sweetly under gently rays of sun -
With the lazy drift of clouds
Whispering news from afar to distant lands.
Though subtle all follow their track,
When not - all heed their wrath.

Be the heart that speaks
That shows its candid splendor,
Expresses its simple love -
Be the one who smiles
Instead of the one who smiles back not.
Even though it pains
When icy tentacles pierce the open gates
Plunging down to frightful depths.
Because you will find that love
Is stronger than its opposite
Tears down all walls
Rebuilds all bonds,
Love is all that's left
After all else been seen.

A memory comes from my past to me
Much cherished set in rose well remembered,
A ****** of a gentle note set free
From touch and scrutiny of future blur.
Examined more I start to see the cracks
That never were had I not looked astray.
They grow wickedly now set in their tracks,
My vision dims, upon me much it weighs.
Spent days in torpor, spent nights discontent,
Escape ultimately sinks down in vain
For it is I my own storms do invent,
Who sows the salt of wounds preserved in pain.
Look not unfondly of your deeds bygone,
Left alone in tepid ash - new life dawns.

My feet splayed wide
In front blue doors embossed in white
Steel plated portals concealing
Most mundane sights as I passed by
Men and women scurrying
Though mostly sitting transiently.
Ghosts of day chased away
By neon signs that light the night
Glowing to life as silence of stillness
Bites deep into bone,
Lingering as the eye sweeps city darkness
Transfixed by baubles of towers striking starless sky –
Whispers of promise of greatness someday.

All is silent now as I reflect
On deeds of the day
Done by those who’ve scurried away.
Away to forget, away to escape
The days and days of gray,
Different yet same suffering returns,
Borne with indifference, suppressed hope
Flowers not to fruition.
Those beer halls and dance halls
Provide respite to tired senses,
Overwhelm them with stimulation
Drown them in torpor.
Drown them in bliss.
Drown them in release –
From endless cycle.

I see it stretch horizon to horizon
Black infinity, no release
Nothing above, nothing below
The path stretches only forward –
Familiar backdrop, grayest of grays
Beyond which lies a mirage,
What I don’t know, but oh
How comforting that dreariness
That comes entwined in dread.
Dread of what’s ahead,
Escape from what’s behind
Ignorant above and below.  
Dread, escape from dread
Suspended only, as deserved –
A tropical vacation.

One looks down, one ahead
Two eyes meet, hazel green
Dance of words, person read
Time will tell, who's been seen.