I guess I wanna be selfish sometimes,
But how can I when every fabric of my being
Rebels strongly against it.
How can I turn a blind eye to their sufferings,
When my heart aches with empathy.
How can I stay indifferent to one's hardships,
When my thoughts torment me at night.
How can I be emotionally detached,
When I involuntarily place myself in their shoes.
How can I simply walk away,
When I keep on bleeding from pangs of guilt.
I can't help it, it's part of me,
To gravitate towards their cry for help.

My chest is no longer heavy,
My heart is light like a feather,
For I have decided to let my worries go,
Have let the grudges die.
I've chosen love over anger, bitterness and hatred.
And for the first time in my life,
I know what it means to be free.

Just like light, you appeared
Illuminating the darkness away.
Just like a glimpse of hope, you came
To resurrect the still bones in me.
Just like a breath of air, you filled my lungs
Storming death like a flood.
Just like yesterday, I was gone
But now am born again.

Just random
Why waste time planning everything out?
Why not just leave it to chance?

Does it always have to be planned out?
Systematically  running like sequences.
Then why can we never predict our future?

Here I am once gain
Or should I say going on fifth.
Repeatedly failing at something
I desperately need,
Which others have got in a go.

Some advise to take a short cut,
"What's the big deal??? The majority do so".
Just a few cashouts to give behind closed doors
And it will be as quick as a snap.
A sure deal for never going through it again.

But I find myself with a refusal
Attempted to, but can't get passed the guilt that would consume me,
Of cheating the principles I stand for.
Throwing away my mother's upbringing,
And compromising my own integrity.

It hurts to go through it over and over again,
Every fail is like a heavy blow in the face.
I ask myself, "where is the Lord my God?"
Or perhaps my many sins have caught up with me,
And am abandoned.

I now plead for mercy,
For I've tried and I've failed.

Weep no more my child
I can see your eyes worn out with wailing
Your heart bursting with argony
And an exhaustion of hopelessness dwelling upon you

Weep no more my child
For I knew upon my death
You would be shattered within
Floating in a river of unanswered questions
Crashed by waves of regret and sorrow
Looking for a way to make it all stop
Perhaps hope to wake up
And realize it was just another dreadful nightmare

Weep no more my child
There is nothing more you could have done
To stop the jaws of death
From claiming my life
For my time had come
But I depart with overwhelming joy and satisfaction
Knowing you were there up to the very end

Weep no more my child
For I made sure you could stand on your own
Am confident the strong person I've groomed you to be
Can face the tides and storms of this world
And the morals I've instilled in you
Will see you through all things

Weep no more my child
For you're not abondoned
Even though they now consider you an orphan
For through your character and every aspect of your life
Am visible to those who can't see me
And within your heart
I'll forever live
What a beautiful place to stay!

Weep no more my child
In you am alive
I feel my blood running through your veins
My strength radiant in your muscles
I see my courage in everything you do
And in your reflection I see myself

So weep no more my child
For am still here within your own self.

Blank
That's what it looked like
But alot in mind.
The beginning was hard to find
Neither could I guarantee it's end
For a series of pieces
Lay scattered all over the place.
Speechless I should say
Yet at the tip of my tongue
I wanted to let it all out
For it flooded in my head.
Confused in my own thoughts
Yet I wanted to give it a meaning.
Curious to know what it is
Yet even it's owner remains lost
At the twist of its peddles.