I wish I knew you better
so I could tell you what others told me
the little advice that helped
(most of it didnt)
But I would have told you
it doesn't get better.
You will never get over
such a terrible loss.
You will however
get better
at dealing with it.

But you will have nights
you cant sleep
because your best friend is dead
you will want to be dead

You will have days
you are so angry
because people are happy
and how can there be happiness
when such a beautiful person no longer exists

The punks were alive that night
to celebrate
the one who wasn't.
They danced and drank and started fights.
They fell on the ground and they shouted his name
they chanted for the one who left.
His sister found him.

You fell into the fire
you kept yelling his name
your best friend was dead
and you were covered in ash
and you were so
so
so
drunk

The party got broken up
because you couldn't stand up
it took five people to get you up

I loved boring boys
nothing going on
but chaos in their head.
I spent my days
caring for their brains.
Those boys needed me.

Now my love is chaotic
never boring
caring but
terrifying
and
electric

I sobbed as they handcuffed you
and as you lied
to me
again
and again
(and again)

I pretended I believed you.
At least you weren't
a boring boy,
but I wonder
if you will ever need me

Don't tell me
I'm your best decision.
Don't let me think
I mean more to you
than I do.
Don't let me sleep on your chest
Don't call me sweetheart
or darling
or baby
when you wake me up
from the best sleep
I've ever had.

You had to tell me I was screaming.
I sat there,
Crumpled between two cars.
I wanted to know what happened,
If anyone was hurt
If I was hurt.
I heard screaming
So I thought
Someone was hurt.
You had to tell me I was screaming.
I just sat there,
And screamed.
Then,
I walked away.
I stood there
Crying
Listening to the sound
Of people running over the bits of your car
That were all over the road.
People stopped,
Told me help was on the way.
I didn’t need any help.
I just needed you to tell me
I was the one that was screaming.

I don’t know if I ever stopped

Your blood is killing you.
You are slowly being poisoned
being betrayed
by your own body.
You laugh,
as they take away 1/10 of your blood.
You laugh,
because one day your blood
will set off metal detectors.
You laugh,
so we are not scared.
I will not be as brave as you.
I will cry and be so scared
when they take away 1/10 of my blood
as often as they can
so my blood doesn't betray me.
I hope though,
that one day
I can be strong enough to laugh
so my daughter isn't scared
when they have to take
1/10th of her traitor blood

There was a boy
(There is always a boy)
who couldn't sleep alone
because he smoked at night
and needed someone there
to make sure he put the cigarette out.
He needed someone
with him at all times
to make sure
he didnt wake up on fire