Everything I touch falls apart
I'm no Midas with the golden touch
Rather Medusa with the stone cold glare
And the piercing soul
Everything I touch crumbles
Which confuses me and leaves me wondering
Why when I touched you, you came out laughing
But when you touched me, I came out broken

Straddling the line between life and death
Like I once straddled your lap
As I lean towards you
I lean towards death
And as I kiss your neck
I make a pact with the reaper

The joy I once found in rotating my face towards the sun has disappeared
The warmth it provides is no longer comforting
It is hot and sweaty and uncomfortable
And I pull up my hood to hide my face
I now find my comfort in cold
In putting my feet up against a frigid wall
Rubbing an ice cube on my skin
A cool breeze sending a shiver down my spine
I can no longer connect to the sunshine
I feel a connection to frozen water and ice walls
They speak to me like a mother to her child
A comfort that most find from a warm embrace
But I find within a chilled bottle of wine
And the metal razor blade
I cling to despair like one clings to hope

A special kind of crazy
An eccentric mess
Coupling self hatred and endless sadness
With a morbid sense of humor
Laughing at my own pain
Staring straight at the pills in my hand
And seeing the ridiculousness and hilarity of my suicide attempt
My self destruction makes me smile
My depression is funny
Because I'm doing nothing to help myself
Like I'm tying my shoelaces together
Bringing about my own failure
And giggling at the outcome

The comfort I find in a razor
Will never compare to your arms
But they are just as sharp
Piercing my existence
Forcing me to rely on them
And shattering my world
When they're ripped away