Afterwards, Judy was shunned,
by all, but a few friends.
Dishing with them, she talked
about her former employer.
"It's just so **** unfair,
I got the result they wanted:
Holophernes is not a threat any more,
but no, they said I was too violent.
I was perfect for the job,
I had always liked the bad boys.
We had some wine and cheese,
saving dessert for last.
But he was a really ****** lover,
And then he went to sleep!
Well, what's a girl to do?
I smote him,
in his pumping heart,
on his thick, muscular arms,
his meaty thighs,
his sinuous neck,
everywhere.
And before you knew it,
his head fell off.
There was blood everywhere,
on me, on the tent, on the ground
and even on the ceiling.
A good thing I had no clothes on
and protected my hair.
The State of Israel should be proud of me.
But no, they say I liked it a bit too much.
And then to make matters worse,
they said I mistreated my maid
when I made her carry the head back.
Well, I couldn't have blood on my fresh clothes
Especially for my triumphant entry to the city.
I mean, after all, what are slaves for?
So here I am, a near outcast,
just because I saved their *****--
They can kiss mine.
That's the last time I'll take anyone out for them."
And then with ****** in her eye,
the Widow Judith stalked from the room.
*Judith was the biblical heroine who saved
Israel from an invasion by an Assyrian
army under the command of Holophernes.
But even heroines can have feet of clay.
And then, as now, public opinion was fickle.*