they say "never fight fire with fire"
but I fought the fire in my chest
with the fiery heat of your bones
&they; were right
you should never do that
you end up losing your last love breath
to a lovely, cunning smoke

remember last winter when you folded my wool socks
& whispered that my tiny feet were whimsical
i looked at you & thought the same
& i spent so many nights trying to find my mind
in the cold winter & you’d whisper
& bless me with stories from your childhood
you were a lamp post at the end of my street
& i was a doorway you always liked to hold hands with
we were delicate like that
i was smoking a cigarette
& sitting on our door post
half in love & half out of my mind
half in our home & half out of time

& you were a hot cup of coffee
on my cold paper tongue
a desolate flower crying out to be young again
i was dying on the inside
you were just dying
all the love we had laid vanquished on the pavement
soaked in my lover's blood
cars aren't supposed to collide like that

but i see you now
painting my kitchen that bright red
******* my longing bed linens
******* me
writing poems on my knee caps
counting fireflies
closing your eyes

just tell me it isn't over

last night you pressed your coffee cup
to your cherry lips
& told me you kissed men when you were mad
girls when you were sad
& jackson bailey when he felt like it
you said you never really wanted to feel like this
like the night was a war
& you were just another solider fighting for some light
in your life
there were two good things that happened
sadness
& days when jackson bailey just wanted to hold you
instead of forcefully unhinge you

if i could have just held you
let slip under the sheets a sudden disbelief that
love wasn't about unbinding a woman at the seams
it seems we're all just little pieces
of some drunken mans broken dreams
& i want you to be free
i want you to breathe like that
with your skinny little frame
pressed up against a jukebox
bobbing your head to some incredible time stopping tune
instead of trying to erase the way the moon looked last night
i want your cotton shirt hanging on a tree
& your long brown hair floating on the breeze
& i want someone to kiss you
because you feel like it

you are the light breeze on my swollen lips
& the heart pounding it's lost lovers last breath
inside my chest
you are the evening calling out for all the rains
to bless their drought and lack of all beautiful things
but you must know you are the most beautiful thing
I have ever had to never wait for
& I will always dream of kissing your neck
rolling up music notes into handmade cigarettes
so I can watch you drunkenly smoke
while you tell me everything you've never dreamed of

I want to be that thing you dream of
as soon your pillow hits that New York bed
ten thousand miles away from me
I want to be that thing you can't get out of your head
& when you kiss me I want your kisses
to be the last ones you every package up and send to somebody new
I want to be something new every day for you
so let's turn down the bed sheets
say goodnight to nights apart
& let's just sleep
forever in each others arms

I swear we were mixed tapes in our past lives
Mixed tapes handcrafted by secret admirers
I swear someone delicately knit you together in the womb
Someone must have because the lines in your forehead
are like intricate details someone had to have thought up
and your neck is a subtle waterfall bending to kiss the earth
like a gift
Your lips are a gift
a sonnet someone was dying to kiss on the cheek
I was dying to press my lips to your cheeky soul
your fragile bones
Every inch of me begs to keep you
tucked into my back pocket
like a wallet photo you show you to all your dearest friends
your complete strangers
Let me keep you like you keep your favourite love song,
like you keep Bon Iver on constant repeat
I want to be something so dear to you

Last night I let an ice cube melt in my palm
so I could put into perspective how quickly things dissolve
I never want us to dissolve
I always want my hips to be your favourite place to rest your lips
and I need my back to be your road map
I, the tour guide to all the places you want to go
I need to be that person you send postcards to when you're gone
saying you can't wait to get home, to this
I want to be that person that you miss
I want to be the butterflies in your chest, fireflies igniting your sky
I dream to your perfect mess
always, not just today
I want to wear your favourite dress
I want to bless you with my breath
I want to watch you catch your breath when you see me
I want you to call me "honey"
I want you to say "honey" like it's suckle on your breath
I want to be the sweetest thing you've ever tasted on your neck
I want you to tell me "lover, I never want to rest
without your head against my chest"
I want to promise "yes, I can do that"

I think we're both semi automatic guns
loaded for love
locked in a time frame
like a love grenade
I want to throw away our keys

I'll never be her
the way her skin unfolded under your candy hands
I'll never look that beautiful
My eyes won't close for your tongue the way hers did
and I won't collide like blowing winds the way she did
I won't collapse from the pressure of your hands on my temples
I won't forget the scent of your skin
I will never be her

I won't give you all the things you are so accustomed too
because I was accustomed to them too
I won't whisper my secrets to the wind and know you'll hear them
I won't cross fourteen borders and drive down dark alleyways
to find your soul for you
I can't be her
but I'd still cross a million oceans, fly a thousand planes
just to see your smile one more time
but I won't ever be her
I won't gawk at the things you do
but I'll get angry when you forget about dinner
or forget my birthday
But I won't hold it against you forever
I won't remind you of your mistakes over and over
I will remind you you're beautiful
the most beauty I've ever seen in a man
But I won't be her

But I will be this
I will be the one to wipe the snowflakes off your cheeks
for every Christmas I get to keep you
and I will hold your hand through every hallway
alleyway, tear and dream
I will kiss your holy temples and run with you through glory pastures
I will be the moon under your feet
and the most beautiful love you could ever imagine
until you fall for something else
or until you don't
I will never be her
But I will always love you