I’m kidding myself,

When I say I love you;
I miss you,
Because truth be told
I’m ten times the man
I could have ever been,
Without you

I want to live where the lights are grand,
And it’s still magic, even the slight of hand
Where love takes no effort,
And I’m good enough for you and you
Are good enough for me.
And if we fall apart
You’ll remember me,
For the idea you loved
And not the man I was
When loved turned sour the golden hour
Ran into screams and yells and liquor
And problems we’ll never address
The next day sober
In bed,
Pretending last night was
Too distant to remember

You see things,
Like no one else before you
And I’m afraid I’m
Falling in love with it.
With the way the
Light hits your cheeks,
In memories
Held tight forever
In film grain
And photo paper.

And you are
The angel
In composition,
Artistic reposition,
That reminds me why
I fell in love with it to begin with.

There wasn’t even
A single note
In the box
Of the things I owned
That you sent back home

The facts have never been
All too important to me,
You see,
It’s more about what I feel,
And see and think in my
BRIAN,
-Which is BRAIN spelt wrong,
Because doesn’t always work on cue-
My BRAIN,
That dictates the world around me,
And the girls that **** me
And the girls that **** me.
And the girls that think the world of me and this mind,
Or an admiration of some kind,
Or so I hope,
And no
I don’t expect you to understand.
Not like this, not without my hand
In marriage? Hell no, a proposition, I hand you,
So ******* and your little dog too,
Cindarella,
And I didn’t even spell your name right,
Because the classics don’t lie,
But I think lying’s fine,
At least once, tonight.
Tonight, I’m right,
And tonight we’ll be just fine.
So which one was the lie?

“nevr again,” she said,
And she couldn’t even
Ever ******* ever spell
“Never.”
So I never dropped a tear on that one.
Never.
Ever.
And we never spoke again,
And life was technically never the same;
-With all romantic abnormalities
And social angst aside-
It improved, as friends came home
And new love peaked on the horizon,
And the beauty of a bachelor’s bank account
Shone through the dull glow of the ATM like Monet.
And I basked in the light of day,
Alone and free, just the wind in me
Ready to dance to the beat of
A one man drum machine;
But will you never hear it?

And you think to yourself,
“There’s only one girl I want back in the world,”
But you don’t want her back, Jay.
You never wanted her back bud,
Because you never wanted her to begin with.
That love was a false idea of a prize
Like something given away at a fair;
You can’t love girl who gives it all away
So easily.
No, Jay, not you,
You can’t.
You never wanted her back
Because you never wanted her to start.