I'm not empty inside
I'm full of gumballs or some sh it
What? You think you know everything about my anatomy huh
Dissect me then if it pleases you
You'll see I'm full of too many muchness
There's no space between my brain and my heart
I'm bursting at the seams
What matters is what's on the inside, they say
Well I'm full of dreams
There's no room for anything else
Not even reality
Why would I make room for that
I'd have to replace my heart
And we've grown quite fond of each other
Everything I do is rooted in love
Some love for you, and I'm saving some for me
Just like the Halloween candy that lasted till February
I'm full of gumballs and dreams I said
You chew me up and spit me out
I'm full to the brim so I have no doubt
That I'll once again be devoured without a swallow
I'm still full but something feels hollow
I'm perfect for a sweet tooth
But I'm no satisfying meal
That's what I tell myself as I fail to heal
But I'm not empty inside
I'm full of something that's for sure
And I might just have to make room for more

We hid this love like an abandoned scene
But you always come back for more,
You always come back for me
Am I something to be ashamed of?
I wonder why we hide
I wonder why our love comes and goes like the tide
Abandonment issues, tear-soaked tissues,
Soft kisses on the cheek, making my legs weak
I pray this isn't our peak

I can't feel anything
I can hardly speak
And there you are, so different from when we met
Is this transformation or is this a trick?
I'll take my chances
And you've used up all of yours

What's next?
You always come back for me
And I'll come back for you, too
With wild abandon
This is what I choose

How many breakups does it take to ***** in a lightbulb?
You light me up like the humming glow of a microwave oven
How many makeups does it take to finally make up?
I've lost count but I love abundance
How many chances does it take for a man to act right?
I've lost count again but I've never been good at math
I've never been good at many things but I've always been good at love
Or so I think and hope and wish upon the stars above
I wanna be good to you
First we had to be bad
It's the kind of love that drives you mad
The kind of love that is awfully sad
Until you barely feel anything at all
Until you sleep and dream about that slow-motion fall
Until you feel everything at once
Until you realize you're both ******* s
How much more?
What's the cost?
I'm poor in judgement
But rich in emotion
Still searching for that treasure in the ocean
Is it hopeless? Is it worth it?
Will it make me sea sick?
I've always been a hopeless romantic
Will I get what I want like I always do?
No, no, never
Not when it comes to you
It's the endless chase that makes my heart race
And might put me into cardiac arrest
Up until now I've been quizzed
But you're the real test

I hold a heavy heart and absolutely no grudges
I maintain a wicked brain and I water my flowers
I keep poetry in my pockets, bright eyes in their sockets
I own and I am many things
I'm hunched over from the weight of it all
They say I'm too complicated and I say *******
I never asked for this orchestration of organs
We all ask to be unburdened
But I hold absolutely no grudges
I thank all the stars for my scars
I thank the moon for making me a loon
And my arms are empty of grudges so they can embrace you
Even when they say I should erase you
I never listened to them; why would I start now?
My heart gets heavier but I hold absolutely no grudges
That's why my arms are weak but my body so strained
I cannot count the times they've called me strange
From head to toe I'm me, I know
I've never been anyone else
It makes my brain and heart melt
Into one wicked, beating, bulging *****
I've never been able to separate them
But maybe it's a perfect conundrum
The way I'm complete but undone

A heart is a heavy burden
But I find comfort in oblivion
I won't let my mind bully my body
I just want to call myself home
There are strangers yet I'm alone
Shadows will keep me company
A brain is a heavy burden
But I find comfort in the void
In my solitude, there's a voice
I came into this world without a choice
But now I'll abuse my existence
And you will remember I was here
Facing the world without a care, without a fear
I was here
I was here

It's the way your name slips further and further down in my phone
The way my heart still craves giving until there's nothing left
I miss giving you my love and watching you grow into it
But I don't miss how I never received what I wanted in return
The food is going cold and
I just can't eat when I'm so full of unexpressed love
I want you to take it all and run off with it
I want to see you happy and loved
But I also want to look in the mirror and feel fulfilled
I want to see a woman worthy of the world
And all I see are the other girls that make your eyes sparkle
I see their faces and their bodies so clearly that I can barely make out mine
Soon my reflection will come back to me
And one day I'll meet someone who won't even blink because they won't want to miss a second of me
I'll be the only beauty they want to see in the world
I'll make gardens and oceans jealous
The wind will blow through my hair and steal your touch
And I won't even recognize the girl I see now
A blurry figure through the tears in my eyes, mutilated by the self-hate you bred into me
My dysmorphia tells me I'm not enough and that's why I could never have a happy story with you
I was the Cinderella who was never invited to the Ball
I watched through tinted glass how everyone would embrace and dance and fall in love with life
While I played housekeeper and tried to mop up the pieces that made me
I put on a brave face and called myself a princess but you wouldn't even let me have my imaginary world, my feigned confidence
It was just deemed selfish of me to try shut the negativity out and pretend the world revolved around me
I just wanted to prove that I was worthy of love
And I never got love that was untainted
Because I screamed my pleas into the wrong phone
I wrote my story in the wrong book
You were never ready for me because you never took ownership of what I deserved
I wanted you to be my home
But I was always left knocking for so long
I still have your grocery list on my fridge
And my desperate heart wants to rearrange those letters into sweet, loving words
Words that could stain my mind and be stamped over the images of other girls
But I can't hear them in your voice
And I can't even pluck them from your thoughts
Because your mind is always elsewhere and it's hiding so much
We played a lonely game of hide and seek
I searched for your soul and never found you
And so we both welcomed darkness
I have to find a new source of light
Because your fire kept me warm until it burned me
The sparks were always there so I got burned again and again
I will never again let blisters and ******* belittle my beauty

Wisdom always bleeds
Like the ink set sail to my skin
I wanna let you in
I still think of you
And I don't know what to do
I still think of us
And I know I messed up
I still dream of you
And I want to touch, but I can only view
My brain teases me every day
How long will you stay?
Do you also lie awake at 4am?
Contemplating love again?
Or do you sleep soundly
My heart keeps pounding
My heart has an empty cavity
It waits for you
While I marinate in depravity
"No regrets"
Is for people who have never lost an opportunity to love
I keep wishing on every star above
That one day things will fall into place
And I hope it involves kissing your face
I remember how right everything felt
For a weekend, no more
There was so much left unexplored
I hope I make the right decision when it all comes back around
Until then, to my dreams we'll be bound
For you I would erase all the poetry of the past
And create something that will last