a bit more,

bringing nothing back.

bashful sun, in love,

madness

i wish you knew how i feel,
fighting my demons,
while missing you.
losing my job,
cause im searching for you.

shaking alone in our room,
reaching for our moon.
throwing my life,
like there's nothing to lose.

paint the room,

I write my restless unkempt

worried lemon taste

but you see the tide in my face.

shooting, drinking, hoping high,

relate to patients at work,

no space for my hurt

you just wanna be heard.

where lies the promise of love,

where do i abide,

another part of it that held,

where can I become another,

lie, obliged to just another time,

in which I was another time.

too hard to hold,

too ill to let go,

my demons breathe anomalies,

that carry me from home.

your soul so soft,
as i thought of you often,
i lost you,
i left as you turned and coughed, then,
tore me apart within,
the seconds you left in,
days i spent holding up your chin.
maybe the cause of my sorrow,
the old excuse. refused to borrow.
as time goes on, an old truth,
becomes lie.
who am i.
but a person you loved,
in a passionless time.

through hardship,

to the stars.

some day,

you will know who you are.

though the ground,

may reflect your worth,

and life, like a breathless curse,

just the stars will remain,

forever yours.

when there's trust, there is love,
but i lost all the above,
drowned you out like a bug,
now my heart,
never yours to disrupt

let me live or let me die,
i won't limit myself to six lines.
i can't hold it in,
though i tried,
just to spill my heart to stranger's eyes.

a white haven,

your covered chest.

wet arms,

wrestle what we can't relieve.

sacrifice ourselves,

for warm water.

wanting more.

our covered chests.

porcelain,

when its all that i'll see,

from hospital to sea,

whether im dying or withering.

porcelain,

could be then, could be now,

depending on my birthday crown;

it used to be cake,

but it's a cup of pills now.

you put me to sleep,
wrapped in last words and lies.
kept your cowardice from my eyes.
then i woke up alone,
you had torn me apart,
kept my throat from its scream,
felt too numb for a meaning.

i put you to sleep,
trembling hands held you close,
i loved what loved me,
but you loved me the most.

walk with broken bones,
searching for a warm home.
heartbeat with no breath,
life, flashing thoughts of death.

colors swelling in my ears,
noises falling from my eyes,
years of this that no one hears.

hidden second chances,
holding hands,
emancipate the pain,
pressing close to walls,
wordless while the floor falls,

just to find,
that you were standing all along.

there's some things in our eyes,

that we will never fix.

im proud of the words I cant say.

or the way they have to sound.

ringing round and round around,

my mind without a single noun.

lies divide the love from my life,

but i can't hide my mind anymore,

leaving tangled sheets behind a door,

but i can't adore what i have left.

without alcohol on my breath.

say hi to me,
through tidal waves,
rolling, washing over feet.

raise the dead,
in your broken stead,
i swear i'll bring some comfort,
to your head.

break me too,
i can lose with you,
the two of us can take the moon.

no one else,
i'll meet you there,
just promise me that you still care.

its easiest,
inebriated,
courage lies unconfiscated,
surely we have all related,
saying things while staying faded,
loving things so underrated,
kisses on the shoulder blades, it,
seems our eyes are saturated,
tentative our trust remains, if,
loving you means you aren't staying.

my phone explodes in my face.

safety escapes my petty ways.

scream the pretty things i wanna say.

pray some day,

i hear you say my name again.

traumatic thoughts, i feel insane.

but its just another day.

i never meant my horrid thoughts,

to stain your outer thighs.

you took the stars,

you took your eyes.

no less, alike the heaven's sky.

so heavy, is that cloudy lie.

simple, still await an angel sigh.

cant wait to let this edge go,
the promise in my eyes,
i swear to God I've tried,
all the water turned to wine,
i drank it all to lose some time,
not quick enough to dull the shine.
i wish that i was never yours,
cause never was i ever mine.

i don't know how to hold you,

i don't know how to speak,

all this eye in the storm,

i don't know how to be:

you did drugs,

my soul was at sea,

we were perfectly imperfect,

but barely in seam.

i loved you in bookstores,

and I hate when you sing.

then you drifted away,

now i know what it means.

the sky you left behind,

the clouds and shapes,

i see your eyes.

each moon,

each night,

they hold my lies.

hold close to those you love,

in stead of loss, remember it,

the things you'll do, the way you did,

be grateful to remember it.

terrified in an empty room,
i say your name,
you refuse to soothe,
all my sins,
but my love is true.
i grab my arms,
and pretend its you.

as real as the stars in the sky,

as your discontent in me,

the fear that things stay the same,

on the day i turn thirty-three.

a broken couple eating barbecue,

roadside on its way to an empty home.

the thirty types of chemo,

swimming in my mother's veins.

the same day drink that repeats itself,

when i have a day free.

the screen i can't detach from,

never working on me.

the fear of talking and rehab,

only caring when i drink,

the only time my soul ever sings,

on a mattress getting wasted,

hoping time will give me wings.

the leaves fall like i did for you,
let them float back,
to their broken branch.
turn this grey sky blue,
warm the deathly cold air,
crash the sun,
through these winter clouds.
keep the bottle full,
seal unbroken,
my soul has spoken.
**** the dizziness from my head,
let all lost things be found anew,
all the love that life stole, too.
beard hair shrunk back in my skin,
feeble nerves unshakened in wind,
kindle fires i left dim.
bring back my broken kin,
turn my eyes from tempestous skin.
erase the scars on my arms,
i meant them no harm,
in their repetition lies the real sorrow.
take me back,
before i know who you are.
escape through adolescent exit signs,
maybe then i can finally restart.

if i could bring you back to me,

I'd be the perfect fool,

to tear the night sky from you.

if my hurt became craters,

i would revive them for you.

when my eyes become oceans,

sudden suspects of truth,

i would lay down my life,

just to pull them from you.

when you're done,

and each night carries through,

i would pull on the reins

bringing light back to you.

morning's adoring,
addictive headache.
my thought's failed to escape,
they repeat, I'm irate.
yes, I made this mistake.
yes, i swallowed the pain,
so I hoped I wouldn't wake.

will you be there,
when the levee breaks,
the doubts crawling over,
falling on face.
will you love my black eye,
in the middle of noon?
will you hold shaky hands,
when i say i can't too?
will you judge my left arm,
when you see me at work?
each one is a lesson,
i still haven't learned.
i loved when i lost,
am i losing you too?
will you carry my torch,
when i 'm killed by the truth?

i could have left you there,

with that nostalgic air,

of someone playing with my hair.

but i was too daring,

rushing into feelings i fear.

just to see some souls,

see me wasted and not care.

too drunk to drive and so are you.

i drive us home

think it's the right thing to do

on that night i make a move.

your face felt so confused.

foreshadowing six months with you,

my stupid self thought i knew you,

then i found out i could cheat on you.

nothing short of what you're used to.

i still walk by the bench,

where i explained myself to you.

now I drink myself to death,

trying to find the truth.

salud

if only our worlds made more sense,

would you lay here,

instead of the other side of a fence.

i found happiness in emptiness,

every color illuminates the bottom.

shameless, shallow.

i know each word is madness,

giving up on the mouth that speaks it.

i see you in between the plains,

the sea softly saying stop.

nostalgic is your being,

i miss a dying love long decayed,

drinking just to picture your face.

the way you said my name,

hammered hearts remain the same.

I'll love it till my dying day.

whatever keeps you here,

healing despair,

i reach and you hear,

when i reach, you won't hear.

but whatever keeps you here.

i can fly while i text,

but the second we meet,

your life is swiped left,

the face of your screen is pressed,

but whatever keeps you here.

give up, in hopes you wont,

making a house out of foam,

filled with razorblades,

but you're only made of bones,

i hope you hold on to your phone,

and whatever keeps you here.

i don't mind that you left,

i don't mind where i am,

i just hate what i do,

to get over the end.

i'm on my own island,

swallowing saltwater for comfort,

but my happiness lies,

a few inches from shore.

i drank until i saw the sky,

saw through all my **** lies.

saw the love of my life.

god, i get so sad all the time.

timid, like my heart,

it always lies.

sad and just a little shy.

i just want to write,

pretend the sun can shine.

her thoughts are always on my mind.

your soul, i hope, I'm soon to find.

your thoughts are always on my mind.

critics roll their eyes,

scared, they dont reply.

i don't live for likes,

all i do is write off my life.

like you could ever see,

the terrible ways i feel free.

one turns into three,

then my life turns into infinity.

strangers scream blessings,

my meaning, screaming streams,

helpless nightmares i see.

rhyme means nothing to me.

twenty-eight,

twice in love,

now only in love with twilight,

where I'm not your guy.

not a drink or your word,

could appease what i should,

screaming, scraped up walls,

said i did what I could.

i can never say sorry,

or see your soul trembling,

dying not to meet my eyes.

no goodbyes on another side,

without closure after all the time.

im sorry i shake,

i don't make sense,

constantly saying things,

that my soul can't say.

hoping time can change my way.

watch it rise to your nose,
feelings tossed in your sea,
do you have self-control,
as you come after me?
will you tear me apart,
am i flesh you can use?
damaged goods in her eyes,
i can handle abuse.
kept your teeth on my lips,
with your black opened eyes,
i will keep mine both shut,
while i feel my blood rise.

break my heart,

before i break yours first.

i can live without you,

but not after all the words.

thoughts that i could never hone,
kept you close, a quiet home.
built on sand and love alone,
sinking while the sun shone.

night time,
nineteen cuts on my arm,
stumbling to my car,
wanting more.

traffic lights,
brighter than any star at night,
pray, so one can end my life.

too quiet for too long,
trying to speak in song,
carrying cryptics,
to the ones i love.

you appeared as a stranger,

you stayed as a mother,

you left as a stranger.

buried rain clouds inside my ribs,

lightning illuminating my skin,

signaling illness that lets nothing in.

but if i could let you out,

i'd be more than happy again,

if i could let you go,

i'd be more than happy again.