i follow light that is lifeless,

texting cancer to my friends,

facetime a lover I've never met.

you got drunk on an app,

now you have kids,

but i'm in a room,

still learning how to live.

disconnected from my age,

falling further from my kind,

but in another universe,

the stars are aligned.

i called you at a gas station,

running from feelings and friends,

so selfless but as scary as demons,

choosing shaking over reason.

where you can't reach me,

empty werewolves come to eat me,

drinking where i should be breathing,

darkness, where you cannot reach me.

i saw your worried face,
so full of things we couldn't say.
between my lines,
you find your name,
the perfect days,
don't stay the same.
i'm sorry,
took your love in vain.

close to being over you,

or drinking, not forgetting you,

or maybe just accepting you,

or things i used to do.

try to turn this palace,

into waiting rooms,

when drinking never got me through.

sleeping, I'm so terrified,

wake up lost inside a life,

i couldn't change, and losing mine.

i think about you all the time,

im trying not to, that's the point.

can't reclaim my heart as a boy,

but I still believe in a sun,

I'm slowly walking towards..

some day I'll wrestle the sun,

you can bring home the moon.

I can part the stars,

while you become a better you.

I'll bury my age,

in a pile of time,

i can still fall in love with ghosts,

while i forget your smile.

i don't know if I'll call,

dont know you at all,

distant and tall,

tender, i fall,

seasons, they draw.

my birthday is yours,

i'll never sing,

words and thoughts,

they never mean,

probably the best,

in my head,

your head on my chest.

soak the love they left.

once,

i would have held the heaviest stone.

to have your love, so strongly sown.

instead i had to let you go.

tracing lines on my skin,
every pressure within,
all my lies become kin,
can't relate, all the pain (I am in)

pompusly pulling,
a treasured sin,
i pushed you apart,
i'm here again.
i won't hold my words,
but you hate when i turn,
i'm away in my depths,
makes a person, I'm less,
all the love that you give,
i have learned to love stress.
all the reasons to breathe,
i remove my best guess.

i never planned to be there,
i was blessed and so unsure,
never thought,
I'd have my hands in your hair.
erase a thousand things,
take away your smile,
ways to walk a million miles,
thoughts i dream,
to leave behind.

shots for every scar i caused,
and everything you ever loved,
was every thing i never saw.

six packs a night,
i missed your flight,
i lost myself amidst the time.

a torrid day, i took your face,
it pressed to mine without a say,
wishing i would be okay.

i drank, i left, i drank some more,
i found a soul i soon adored.
too late in love, i wasn't sure.

i'm wasted, sorry,
i loved you too,
the sun was all you ever were,
my voice a silent moon.

i wish i had more,
just to end this poor dream.
where my mind felt so well,
while you stole what it means.

sometimes it still upsets me,

but I'm still set in my ways;

i still smile when i don't mean it,

i sigh when you aren't here,

i climb clouds when i can,

i reappear where you don't.

i feel completely alone.

i love all our smiles,
when we think the same thing.
keeping tradition,
and staying the same.
leaving our loved ones,
to feel a bit sane.
you're the flower in bloom,
and my soul is the rain.

my love is on the mountain,

my love is in the trees.

my love is bound by nothing,

not even violent seas.

to my love,

the sun is just a ball of string,

like my soul, it's pulled,

and then released.

nothing's beautiful anymore,

just a way to pass the time.

choking over broken sinks,

singing your name in a bad dream.

happiness is just across the street,

so why do i want to walk into traffic?

walls can hold the stars,

if you stay there long enough.

in the corner there's a sun,

and another has a moon.

when you put them all together,

all you have is just a room.

stay in bed all day,
i know you'll be okay,
as long as you can say,
'I'll be okay',
you know you wont,
but that's okay,
you'll stay in bed,
all day today.

i've taken the breath,

quite out of this quiet room,

to think of someone who isnt you.

our sin buries love,

unswept by the broom.

waiting diagnosis,

to prove I'm a loon.

stapled hearts to brevity,
handled pain with levity,
losing sleep, levitate me.
leave me broke then love me.

an ocean shines like gold,
in sunlight like a fleeing thought,
feeling things the summer taught.
falling down like fading leaves,
pray the demons leaving me.
shot the stars, i couldn't miss,
i saw the lie in God's intent.

a few favorite words,

i wish i could have meant.

engraved thoughts,

a heart made of cement.

you sure made my knees swoon,

each time I said I'd love you soon.

now you're just a dozens drinks,

some things i wish I'd never seen.

I'll love you to death,

and never know what it means.

you'll always mean something to me.

I'll leave you just as soon,

as my heart will let itself beat.

I'll love you long,

until i cannot breathe.

i know that isnt promising,

as death and several alcoholic drinks.

I'll still love you with some words,

you wont ever see.

how many words,

can express what occurred,

i still think of every thing i heard,

they aren't mine, but i learned,

every thing i could burn,

never was mine or yours.

i was Everything,
that I promised,
i would never be.

broken mind,
isnt mine,
drunken kind,
buried lie,
shortened time,
shaky eyes,
******* crime,
who am i,
idolized,
you were mine,
loving eyes,
agonize,
memorize,
place in time,
love you, i.
justified,
draw a line,
still i break,
i'll be fine.

cold window panes,

pressed across my face,

facing demons,

how they break the warm feelings,

with such hatred, without meaning,

i'm mindful, it's fleeting,

i'm falling, but it's freeing.

unnaturally comfortable,

belly full of alcohol,

makes a sharp sword dull.

i prayed to make it through the night.

like the child i once was,

who used to.

i'm not looking for evasive lies,

or things i lived without.

i just want to see myself get out.

like lights,
living room.
held my chair,
when i would swoon.
soon sat back,
the simple moon,
could not express,
our heaven room.

once,

they loved me like no other,
held my hand,
and gave me cover.
rainy days,
in states so southern,
broke the clocks, our time forever.

i pushed them out,
my mind's endeavor.

every night I drink,

i want to die,

but i never do.

i always just wake up.

my birth won't compare to ours,
we drank, we saw enlightened stars,
i felt our souls,
our locking arms.

and now i don't know what you are.

searching for finality in words,

not a single one can soften a curse,

letters wont bring me back to her,

or the moments addicts bite for lures.

i pray each night I'm well deserved,

bury thoughts i cant cure,

life is neither left or right,

just a pin in time,

a lesson learned,

when nothing brings me back to her.

i married the ground,
the sky was too loud.
i moved to your town.
those waves were so crowded.
i climbed higher mountains.
i met all my demons,
you wouldn't accept,
they held all the faces,
i could not escape.
fast forward to now,
a drink in my hand,
a job i can't stand,
melting in snow,
like drowning in sand.

yourwordsheldthevoicethaticouldntletgo.
theirrapidinflecti­onsdarkenedthetone.
themoreisaidthemoreifelt

alone.

Imperfect Occupant:

Seeking Four Walls To Vent,

Always On Time With Rent.

Lacking Friend, Family,

(Roommate?) On The Fence.

Long Lease, Lost Romantic.

Carefree And Losing It.

my pad is haunted by bottle glass,

awaiting harvest,

from their owner's happiness.

the cure is poison,

so they stand so obediently,

through soul-less days and nights,

waiting for their time.

your hair is the wind,
your heart is the moon,
silent and stolen,
footsteps that swoon.

i still hope that i can see you soon.

slowly learning to lose.
reaching for your cocoon.
drinking, seemingly to soothe,
swollen tears in this mood.

foolish words in this tomb,
ones you never knew.
loving you,
every grain in your dune.

and our words were impromtu.

grasping for a feeling true.

and their shadows dim,

time,

the kind to turn boys to men,

lonely only looking for a friend.

reach for fire

gainingredhands

they never heard my crow call,

cawing always drunkenawe.

all i need is them,
a grain of salt

selfinflictions, all my lovers ever saw.

once i loved a thing so pure

self-harmed, so sure.

always knew it was wrong.

your sun-dried absence,

thinly layered in daylight,

then tonight:

all the waterfalls call to arms,

alarming my life, and yours, and all,

but none of these words,

truly describe my loss.

i don't remember,

half the things i should.

can't find your voice,

every first time.

the painful thought of just trying.

to hold us together,

to see you fly away.

maybe it was meant to be,

maybe it was time.

a feeling unforgotten for all my life.

the loss will always be a sign.

not the terror,

nor the screams,

could ever bring [     ] to me,

while i painfully change,

into someone i cannot be.

no ocean, no sky,

floating in the dead of night,

could ever contain this pain of mine.

you can't hold them,

even when they need it,

they don't all cry for help,

even when it's needed.

you bought me things,
you dressed up nice.
all i needed was your smile.
hold your hand,
hope you felt you were enough.

i slept on floors,
dreaming you would come back home.
you never did,
you never know.

i'd live a hundred lives,
just to see your eyes,
just a glimpse,
just one time.

fools follow pipe dreams,
but ill see you in the end,
maybe now, maybe then,
we'll start over again.

whatever you want,

so long as you spare me.

all the pain history taught me.

like a pilot without eyes,

i'll fly right by your side,

if you give me a room,

where i can lose myself at night.

loneliness cures syrup,

im mush without you,

fighting thoughts in my head,

biding life, while your life is the glue.

what i lost a long time ago is you.

maybe ego is a freedom,

breathing meaning in a wound,

but as lost as white vans,

i might know what could be true.

why does the world feel alone,

when you read what i say,

then you leave me alone?

what fried soul can atone?

this millennial foe,

such a strange thing to know,

when a fool feels alone.

i'll enjoy the clouds until then,

rain falling on your cement,

seemingly harmless, until then,

your soul falls apart,

i'll find a new start,

forgetting the people we are.


[Part Two]

a good man forgets,

leaving a lifetime behind.

loving something else,

readjusting his eyes.

crooked rainbowed in your life,

i wasn't simple or easy,

but i found you,

and for once, you didnt need me.

but you stayed because you could,

loving things my soul should.