i'll love you always,

without knowing my worth,

lying to myself without knowing yours

holding these scars and all.

i dont know who you are

but the next one I meet

i want to stand where I can see

never running when my life is hard

our flaming minds,

falling deep in torrential seas,

still hoping you can love me.

awkwardly repellant,

of anything nourishing,

loving nothing but a cracked spine.

living useless unless you're upset.

i spend year-long nights,

watching stars spin across my face,

searching someone to stand,

that pathetic place you used to stay.

our eyes just commune,
a love lit in tune.
simply wandering,
falling towards you.
tragic and tryst,
with flames that we miss.
filled our emotions,
so drunken in kiss.
hopes that you follow,
and hold up the signs,
feelings unearthed,
so you'll find them in rhyme.

i can dream my life away,

kissing moons and holding skies,

pretending black holes as your eyes.

lightning caves inside my mind,

fall asleep feeling fine,

shake, your hands,

thank God I'm still alive.

be bold as a flame,

I'll never see you again,

but I'll love you in a flicker.

like a moment i couldn't trick,

but you're my favorite,

among such unknown company.

but its there,

like you're not,

I'll spend eternity unraveling,

this knot.

a quiet fire split my stomach,

igniting weary weeds where,

you used to comfortably breathe.

made sure your soul was soot,

before you took your leave.

i'll paint all your flaws,
in your favorite color,
so loving yourself,
is never a bother.

farewell to death,
the breaking of hearts.
so long to tension,
replacing our start.
goodbye to fear,
the hole it creates,
trembling in sorrow,
the words we can't say.

when i heard,
those silly words,
that slipped your mouth,
i took to heart,
their honesty,
I was devout.
now i walk,
a path without,
weary of the skies to shout.
surely luck,
if I'm bestowed,
will suddenly say my name aloud.

and that will be enough.

some day i'll fall away,
you'll have your space,
you'll have your way,
you'll be okay.
you stayed the same,
the day i fell away.

the more that i drink,

the closer you're here,

the better i feel,

if i could be there.

the more that i drink,

the less that is there,

the better i feel,

i don't want to hear.

the more that i drink,

the less they will know,

the better i'll feel,

the less i am here.

the more that i drink,

the less i could care,

the more that i bear,

the less you are here,

but i'll try to be here.

last lines on fridays nights,
fake a broken arm for more time.
white shirts and stupid rhymes.
these broken thoughts are so sublime.

i found you in fire,
you found me without.
i sat in my embers,
and never to be.
you opened your arms,
and gave me a flame.
my worth was the sand,
you gave me a name.
i took apprehension,
you lived in it too.
i feared all the meanings,
you saw me, a fool.
my time was a question,
your eyes signaled truth.
i sat so uninterested,
suffering you.

buried beneath a drunken pond,

a mountain full of things i lost,

holding fire for too long.

to find your eyes,
among the aisles,
pulling out my inner child.
playing just to know your name,
the clock hand starts to stay the same,
loving while i'm living lost,
remembering the things i tossed,
i hope these things, it doesn't cost.

Anxiety is trying me, bottles tend to bury me. What it is is what it means, my poor attempts at being free. Just know I struggle mentally, and being drunk is comforting, so cover me in company,

sobriety,

it hides from me.

color me in,

leave me there,

let my conscious bloom,

and when you're around,

i promise to smile at you.

if i could be in bloom,

for you,

for just a second,

instead of soon.

besides a spinning room.

my choice would always be you.

that blurry eyed blushing color,

paints the sky at the back of my head,

knowing limbs of mine are in pain.

pressed against you again and again.

but a whole army,

couldn't keep me refrained.

bolting waist deep in the trees,

searching for suffering and identity.

spraying words that staple me.

I glide through green lights,

obliterating double lines,

hoping i can still see the great divine,

dishonored by three bottles of red wine.

but i still remember crying at the station,

calling you from my driver's side,

bruised, cut and unkind,

begging you to stay in my life.

forget your makeup,

i'll forget to breathe,

like a dead gull at sea,

choking, hope you remember me.

forget my **** up,

while i forget to be,

like a lost soul at sea,

hoping you forgive me.

time took this pain away,

to you, from me,

spending a lifetime to feel okay.

only life feels this way,

without words,

or hate.

for miles,

my heart will watch you afar.

not intact,

just a mind's eye away.

for miles,

i will die in each desert's day,

i will lie in every frozen night,

without comfort,

besides the midnight sky.

slowly poisoned,

in love with the clouds,

sunny days that are loud,

wont seem so terrible now.

i love you,

but for once its allowed.

one day you'll miss this sound,

when i feel like I'm not around.

i'm excluding your prescense,

writing black markers on heaven,

call demons all you want,

all I'm looking for is a good time.

and if i die in a dry grocery aisle,

know you're the only reason i cry,

not much else could keep me alive.

all those days i couldn't keep,
and every time you couldn't speak,
i still loved you, just like a fiend.
i held you more, without a means.
and yet i placed you in this scene:
I'm once a man, and now I'm mean.
i'm broken down without the means,
I'm trying, being, just to be,
and something else i hadn't seen.
i loved you, held onto your seams.
you pulled apart, and lost your sheen,
and still i loved you like a queen.

i asked why it was so hard,
to find the bottom before the start,
to weather clouds before they part,
the blackest night behind the stars.
i followed paths with all my heart,
just to recreate the same old scars.

the seconds will fade,
while the minutes sneak by.
an hour so short,
blue to black, turns our sky.

funny,

how they put you in that bottle,

press you to my lips,

like the neck i would carefully throttle.

twenties, an infinity,

i could never follow.

i wasn't whole when i met you,

now i'm nothing,

and lacking the truth.

burning inside,

with an impervious noose.

O', if i could spare you the beak,

the constant calls, you to me,

a bird swallow, i shall be,

my soul furthest from free.

i want to jump off,
be one with the ground.
i lose myself when you aren't around.
change me to a cloud,
i'll stay a while.
watch you from a bird's eye,
count the ways you breathe,
from a couple miles high.
I'll get sad and pour rain,
clear skies for your smile.

give up the settled plains,

love a broken mountain,

for as long as you can.

dive straight into broken hands.

love a mystery, with a promised hand.

a certain loss can make amends.

that kind of voice was made to lend.

making love or making friends?

we're all star-crossed and loveless,

but we still sing in the rain.

some times all i can be,

is all that keeps me sane.

my veins are on fire,

i want to disappear,

anything to keep you here,

i was a fool to keep you here,

longer than you ever could have been.

i was a fool in sin.

something sparked something.

one day it wasn't you.

passing out to stay true,

i learned to love a different tune.

that i'm here,

shoehorned into stars,

giving up on my arms,

selling sins to my heart.

im a myth to my friends,

living fiend in the end,

I'm a mess without them,

but i will stay.

leaning over a bed,

we made love in.

throwing my life into carpet.

trying to grow something dead.

once, i loved you instead,

turned your light into lead.

then all the alcohol went to my head.

losing everything,

until i was weak enough,

to call god instead.

but i dont know him,

like i knew you.

in a lifetime,

i'll learn to know you.

just too ******* tired of trying,

life made me a drunk, lover, and liar.

jesus gave me a mean smile,

but god set me aside.

I hope you read this,
you don't know I need this,
just a little peace of mind,
but I am nothing.
and nothing some times,
is better than something.
least of all,
I'm something,
someone some day will sing.

still some feelings in my soul,

all those hands i used to hold,

the briefest moments made of gold.

charcoal when i lost it all.

a morning moon clings to night,

holding on to one more time.

disregard the blinding light,

love me on this other side.

hold me while my fingers try,

to find just where your soul had died.

the sleep i sold,
to see you.

dreams i had,
to hold you.

things i thought to feel true.

pain i held to learn you.

death i found to feel you.

heaven never comes true.

know i'll never see you,

know i really loved you.

know i

if i loved you,

then i would have stopped.

your imprint on my wall,

a feeling i can't feel at all.

you turned into a grain of salt,

nothing's gained without the fall,

the bottom,

all i ever saw.

i don't know where you're going,
but I'm grateful as sin,
to have known all your pieces,
and places you've been.
i hope somewhere nice,
filled with thousands of lights.
where the days are more bearable,
especially their nights.

i never thought i'd be alive,

long enough to see you smile,

but i was, i don't know why,

this ugly one regret of mine:

you saw me at a younger time,

i thought i'd never be alive.

youth is:

the days you live to chase away.

anything to keep you sane.

vices are a petty game.

take care of your friends,

tie your loose ends,

make it right,

stare at the stars while they're bright.

lie to yourself and carry on.

bury me with spirits i betrayed

ill fall wherever your name is laid

every second that I breathe

i will chip my life away.

i will drink

i will smoke

holding words never spoke.

redemption, ascension always slow.

self harm like a mark on a stone,

im proficient in being alone,

loving walls like my life's on a reel,

but all that's real is already done.

you're the fire,

I'm alarmed,

i have lovers and friends,

written, cut in my arms,

all i wanted was biological matter,

all i got was a painful disorder.

scared of my hands,
cause i know what they'll do:
they can strangle my soul,
or they can hold on to you.