never found,
never tried.
always ran from the things,
that were harming my life.
the light on that razor,
my skin opened wide.
its edge, a small child,
thought my curves were a slide.
then my therapist drinks,
while i pretend to cry.
all my ghosts disappear,
then appear right on time.

seaside apple slices,

open oceanside,

beside myself interior,

in tears upon an infinite reef.

wrapped in the past,

all the stars unaligned,

without you by my side.

God shouts side affects will arrive,

now im turning into my room,

onto something without you,

holding my soul without you.

going off on my phone,

never feeling so alone,

do all stars replicate a home,

singing out on the Square,

while you cried in my ears,

the ones we bought years before,

hanging onto my room,

find consolation in such broken eyes,

like another sea of disrepair,

in a moment it's gone,

in the morning it's there.

two dark, perfected circles,

slide around the window of souls.

kissed a thousand pretty sunsets,

just to float to the ground.

my heart's not the same,

when your voice isn't around.

now i can't recall it's sound,

you could appear like a magician,

on these apartment steps i adore,

cause your feet touched their floor.

but now im collapsing on mine,

like confetti to a blind.

maybe the moon will catch my eye.

in a state of peaceful happiness.

would you bury my best,
just to see if i breathe?
would you tear in my skin,
just to count all the seams?
am i all that you want,
all those sins that you need?
can i hold all your words,
just to show what they mean?

i wasn't part of it,
starting off glowing and clean,
you dug in my face,
just to call me a thing.
felt all your downfalls,
falling between,
filled all your cracks,
while i'm tortured by scenes.

mind on fire,

empty stomachs realize,

you aren't much of a man,

without a stable pair of eyes.

fall in love with the moon,

wake up shaking in the sun,

no one there, nothing won.

are you crazy enough to do it again?

i couldn't explain if i tried,

sometimes it's at fourteen,

or for a life time,

running out of places to hide.

when i said i was alright,

i was not,

every time.

what keeps a demon out?

is it a well lit room,

hellbent on lighting the night.

or a soul without either,

sinking in cement boots,

over and over,

until they realize the well lit room.

remember when you broke me so?
taught me terror that i hadn't known?
questions that would weigh me low.
traveled sand just to feel the snow.
across the world, then frozen cold.

reliving my life through a screen,

living my life with a drink,

losing when i want to scream.

sleeping and hoping for dreams.

my baby loves the moon,

eyes drowned in white,

while she slowly swoons.

i still hold it in my room.

my lover used to sing in tune.

chipping at her soft cocoon.

held her in the highest noon,

carried to the ground too soon.

widowed, once i played a fool.

ran her right down the spool.

loss is learning something new,

but nothing beats an 'i love you'

words are not cages for demons.

all the pain you don't write,

is the reason you do.

the real help in your room is you.

deadly in love,

and substance abused,

turning mirrors into loss,

every night turning into you.

written words to signal stars,

always dreaming your eyes.

this blind eye,

that holds you abide.

choose a better love than i.

I'm a shelter fool.

that means nothing to nothing new.

carried and held,

a gentle hell.

love me till I know myself.

walk away and watch me breathe.

a simple stay away from me.

shy girl, scratching her arms,
shuffling streets simply,
since she sees things,
somber, sadly split sections,
upon her invisible chest.
upset at something longed to lose,
a lifting wind upon her,
surely signaling, final call,
to give up demons for it all.

i see your smile in dog eyes,
i hear your laugh in jokes i try.
i feel your soul besides my bed.
i try to breathe inside my head.
just take my life, it's yours to keep.
you're married to the time i sleep.
i'm reaching out, without your reach.
i hang on ledges screaming 'leap'.
my tangled thoughts of loving you,
i trade my fantasy for truth,
i change my loss for loving you.
i wish our love was deja vu,
each time you leave,
I'm loving you.

please don't let me die alone

a dying lamb,
the demon's mouth,
express myself,
with manic words,
and broken sounds.

some kind of catch,
conceived the apathy,
right decisions run from me,
demons play my mind,
like symphonies.
but I kind of like the company.

someone promised to be better,

said they love you more than this,

like a light they could switch off,

he just couldnt,

he fell in love with the ground.

used to losing things,
those rainy days,
the thoughts with no name,
i have weathered my shame,
the nights that i drank,
my world stays the same.
the pain i can't change,
i'm honest and blamed,
my demons arranged,
to feel so deranged,
be proud, they all say,
but i'm not, and I'm scared,
then they all disappeared.

she is the corner of this room,

kissed to death and full of doom,

defier of suns, she carries the moon.

a devil on shoulders,
careless and older,
infamously colder,
than ice on a boulder.
and so, i'm ashamed,
the things i can't say,
but when they are spoken,
they're given a name.

the fire made the mess,

but i still love you,

dont know why I miss you,

something missing from my soul.

is it addiction

or all those bottles on my floor

empty shells I adore

but our life always meant more.

don't let me down,
if you did, i'd be fine.
for the seconds and minutes,
i felt you were mine.
if you're here, come tomorrow,
i will pray we're alright.
you will stay in my thoughts,
for the rest of my life.

you've caught an uncomfortable man,

where nothing you do will oblige,

he'll predominantly be fine,

with a tall, glass of red wine.

and a wife made of air,

with an approval from peers,

let him loose and unwind.

with a mom pushing daisies,

raising hell in my folks, like a crazy,

feeling age in my bones,

spewing words on a screen,

holding on to world,

falling down in a drain,

crawling abominably,

fading somewhere happily.

trapped in the lines,
the adjectives kind,
please paint me more time,
not a fan of the earth,
but i live for its crime.
kept simple and secret,
and lives on regret,
they're threading my steps,
made a beeline to death.
the truth in our breaths.
simply mournful and sorrow,
i pray for tomorrow,
your carried love,
revealed it was borrowed.
i know im alright,
but i lay down the blue,
just to give you a fright.

bright was your smile at midnight,

a U-shaped row of stars,

marring such a pretty waste of dark.

im still a dreamer,

but don't be fooled;

i'm seeking every thing but you.

trailing off in atom bombs,

at night, ignite the things i lose,

fall back to what i used to love,

maybe some day it's you.

symphonies, mind,
thieves in the hive,
healing their lives,
vices are pretty,
friends are just kidding,
living, the middle of,
tragedies killing her,
listening, kids are here,
struck, straight, about,
love in a drought,
family pout,
living without,
screaming aloud,
carry my voice into our clouds,
loving loud, leaving out,
thoughts, i don't know,
snow in our history,
struggling, how,
words are so feeble,
backs, as they leave.
turning the truth and their meaning.

the sun is bright,
your job is terrible.
you're always tired,
you can't sleep.
your words are grey,
without a drink.

but that's okay,
you need a rest,
no more goodbyes.
your family loves you,
stay a while.
how do i say I'm terrified?

some nights,

i wish i wrapped around that tree

cutting lines against my life

just so strangers later could see.

a silent addict without hope.

you were there,
who loved me first,
for all of me,
even my worst.
I let you down,
your back then turned,
I searched inside,
for lessons learned.

an empty room I slowly earned.

endless nights by your side,

knowing nothing's there but night,

chasing love like it was wine,

holding nothing,

it's all right.

your blood was my own,
excluding your hair.
a simple exchange,
of our words, subtle care.
i feel far apart,
in my room i remain,
remembering memories,
writing in shame.
your rock on my back,
on a mountain to climb.
missing the company,
washed from our lives.

stars aligned,
two broken plates,
i fell in love with every shade,
covered in redundant white,
i held each piece,
and pledged my life.

addicted to the darkest night,
cured my soul with selfish lies,
breathing for a burst of time,
burning till the day i die.

these words,

eternally far from heard,

relentless in the way they hurt,

the love i lost was unassured,

i dug myself into the earth.

i drink like a fish you can't catch,

while i try settling down,

covered in trees and out of town,

listening to seasons that aren't around.

i get sad at sea,

as long as its about me,

feeling nauseous and noisy,

I'm sure im just a mess to see,

i fall apart to pick me up,

i'll think of things i couldn't say,

i'll be my worst to feel enough.

nothing,

i'm fine,

i don't know,

i don't feel good,

i need to go,

i'm sorry,

i can't,

i need help.

like a dream,

you appeared, you weren't there,

you set fire to my brain,

for years you were just living here,

loving nothing but exit stairs.

all those words,
on facebook,
that don't matter anymore.
it's actually kind of funny now,
not to fall for the eye,
and forgetting the storm.

sometimes im not scared of the drop,
most days it's all that i want.
i swear i dont want,
to tear you apart,
but it's all that i've felt,
so why should it stop?

i'll be fine when it rains,

where im comfortably numb,

not believably drunk.

im without thrill in my stomach,

im not made of too much,

my twenties were rushed.

hurrying to the same horizon.

a frightened moon,
saw a little bit of dawn,
not much different from dusk,
but the night took its awe.

my soul sung,
'take me home',
but the sun had its way,
and gave me just another day.

but i loved the moon,
it was always hers,
some day the stars will make it yours.