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charles Oct 2018
Bury me in autumn leaves,
stuck in thought and memory,
wait for you to cross that sea,
till winter shows me how i breathe.
I'll wait until the lights come on,
the Christmas kind that we first saw,
And though I couldn't keep my word at all,
so grateful you can't see me crawl.
But there's still time to pick me up,
my heart's still yours to interrupt,
so don't be scared,
just love me so,
i'm here because of you,
And you alone.
charles Apr 2019
hold on my arm,
settle my scores,
turn me to you,
muddle the truth,
tell me i'm used,
love when i lose.
nobody here,
settle with stares,
say not a word,
suddenly scared.
rarely a tear,
crosses my face,
busy with failing,
loving the chase.
choosing my words,
fill me with stress,
burn me at stake,
then take off your dress.
charles Apr 2020
i promise to be sick,

i'll hurt every day,

many words ill never say,

my soul, a god will never save.

shivering i say I'm brave,

im naught,

a fool,

my only tool is a glass bottle.

managing my heart,

accelerate, i lacerate,

slower, arrested.

i just miss the way my life was.

before i wrote this.
charles Aug 2023
i keep a heavy heart above the waves,

as much as i would like to sink,

i cannot brave the end of times,

as much as i've been missing them.
charles Jun 2021
drunk driving

broken furniture

bad relationships

friends i really miss.

knives in my arms

and my face.

more importantly the things i dont say

the way i drink

deteriorating my brain

i wish i still wanted to stay.
charles Jul 2019
2013 -

(frozen ice,
infected windows.
silent room,
the swollen snow)

2014 -

(your parent's house,
a subtle stay,
the carpet shuffled,
crooned your name.
joked a broken leg,
to stay with you,
i left in love,
that wasn't true)

2016  -

(you threw my gifts,
the parking lot,
i gave my all,
and then i lost)

2019 -

(I took a sip,
to loosen up.
forgot my shift,
to nurse my cuts.
your knocks upon,
my lonely door,
i opened up,
your face adored)

1999 -

(my feet found floor,
my parent's room,
i walked in song,
my mind in tune)

1993 -

(your shadowed face,
i can't replace,
such words I meant,
but couldn't say.
i wish you'd stayed,
i wondered things,
your absent ghost,
i never faced)
200
charles Oct 2019
200
i used to love my room,
i used to love my brother,
and once abused by my own mother,
i held it in, i'm just another:
man of mental illness,
man of mucho illness,
hispanic boy that They left.
i drank so that i felt less,
i kept all things in my chest.
you knew me once at my best.
i broke you, now you know the rest.

God, i hope i passed the test.
charles Oct 2018
I knew you before your new friends ****** with you,
I knew you before you knew how to put yourself back together,
I knew you before I knew better.
Before you dyed your hair blonde,
Before it grew out long.
You left and you knew more things to make me less gone.
All I got was an email, said I made you strong.
Left the state to change my mind,
Lived in a bottle thinking tonight was my time,
Put it down just to write a better rhyme,
But my words refuse flow when every day is a grind.
Not even missing you, just wish I knew  truth from a lie.
Said i was a stepping stone to life, so why cant i find the happiness in mine?
Two years, dependence, a state line between us, its still hard to see the things that make me shine.
I guess its just something that i'm not meant to find,
Since everything in front of me is meant to leave behind.
360
charles Sep 2020
360
how do i send you to the clouds?

when your life was ran into ground?

does it even matter now?

i saw you once in town.

some day I'll turn you into nouns.

something like love,

or something less loud.
361
charles Sep 2020
361
nothing will hurt worse,

than what i did to you.

no self-consoling,

ever came through.

i decided,

i dont want to know the truth.

whatever love is,

or what made me hold onto you.

you're my ticket out,

one i wish I could lose.

like a place of transportation,

would ever appear in this room.

cage me for years and call it soon.

with nothing but myself to lose.
367
charles Oct 2020
367
hanging on to the year,

for a moment you were there,

but im too scared to breathe,

without you here.
96
charles Jun 2019
96
sickening, its evident,
your loving soul was heaven sent,
the shame we shared,
we never meant,
was celibate to all your sin,
addictions that i learned to fend,
i ******* let you in again.
charles Jul 2019
i hugged you in my work clothes,
kissed your cheek and said goodbye.
walking towards a door in noon,
my weightless tears in cornered eyes.
stepped inside our favorite room,
christmas lights, their flickered swoon.
i must have lost you twice a day,
your arms ignite the dying flame.
charles Mar 2020
a movie we would never finish,

lights were low, my soul was dim,

wrapped an arm around your waist,

such uncertainty within your face.

caressed it like i had for years.

i don't regret a single tear.

held you tight while you were mine.

now nothing's left but nine lines.

and maybe that's alright.
charles Oct 2018
In a perfect world you're simple.
Easy like the sun melts snow,
Hear you speak words i already know.
But in passing, meaning fades away,
Like wooden boards we walked before,
It creaks and cracks,
Eventual bow,
It all has its time,
It all has to go.
charles Aug 2020
i hope i find a happier feeling,

than falling in love with you.
charles Sep 2021
im sinking slow,

i confide in a mattress,

with a drink and my soul.

i feel far from your heart,

can't commit to be heartless.

every sun is your sun,

every star was once ours,

now neither appear,

i'll never know who you are.
charles Nov 2020
not all stars will show,

nor illuminate the snow,

but a winter cold,

will swallow our minds whole,

to steal away what we don't know,

with withered things that rest alone.

O, to hold another year,

for yesterday's a different fear,

but bold enough to bring it near.

to trace a soul that once was dear,

O, to hold another year.
charles Jun 2019
tracing our steps,
especially tonight.
erasing the fright,
i fight, i can't fly,
you are worth all the apples that,
spill from my eye.
foreseen, all my options,
i die every time.
but hours with you,
i'm a cloud in your light.
i can live for your smile,
for some time, i can try.
if you leave me tomorrow,
i swear I'll be fine.
if love isn't worth it,
i'll still hold on a while.
charles Nov 2018
too scared to climb down,
hanging on, i'm alive,
indecisive of direction,
fear of where i might arrive.
charles Aug 2020
in time sobriety falls from the sky,

ill be more alive than a feeling in skin.

I'd probably cry when I knew when,

the rest of my life would begin.

but tonights not the same,

all the thoughts that I fight,

slowly fall in their flight

i'll be drunk until i feel alright.
charles Sep 2020
silent knocks on my door,

i don't see you,

what did i adore

cigarettes in front of my door.


its horrifying,

silently sliding through another night.

crying and trying, I'm dye

ing to change each night before it.
charles Mar 2021
my soul on a screen,

that no one will see.

all eyes towards the restless,

the fake apathy fiend.

let me say what they cant,

all the things they dont mean:
charles Nov 2018
i dont want to write my feelings,
behind the safety of a door,
(stay in here)
can i break down these walls,
hold the things i adore?
(they don't love you back)
Don't need to write you back in,
i should appreciate the space,
(come back to me)
and the friends i have left,
i'd rather talk to their face.
(three missed calls)
So let me put this bottle down,
out of luck or some divinity,
(just one more)
cause i don't want a tomorrow,
if i can't love what's in front of me.

(What's in front of me?)
charles May 2019
of all the things that ever hurt,
loving you was always worse.
charles Jan 2019
do I look like you?
so I searched the truth,
from a time that mattered,
no longer does it,
others have flattered,
and none of them you.
charles Aug 2020
colors car-crash against my eyes,

roll them back,

into another pair of arms to call mine.

some call it love,

or something divine.

tonight, i'll call it luck,

a little part of my life.
charles Oct 9
i'll have dinner at six,

with a bottle at nine,

but my soul only swells at midnight,

naught could keep it from happening.

my mouth is a fire

as i stumble through four doors

never knowing which one us would
charles Apr 2021
a scary thing in my side,

could be you,

could be all of my lies,

ive been walking through all my life.

is it my liver crying out,

trying to get out alive?

ill never know,

while the alcohol flows,

through a poor soul, it roams.

where my loved ones are there,

but my heart's always here,

and what stands in between,

is some simple self care.

but its never so simple,

with a life insecure.

but i loved you the way,

that would keep you right here.
charles Jul 2021
i'll be in the corners,

leading lines to a fire,

like a fool without you.

only you could be water,

but what do i know about you.
charles May 2019
the myth behind the blinding lights,
the numbing drink in constant fight,
to ground my loving, livid mind.
the friendships,
pushed and pulled around.
the nightly drives across the town.
an empty seat when i arrive,
the hopeful heart that limps to strive.
the medicine within my fridge,
to dig up reasons just to live,
a mother's death, her dying sun,
a holy presence picks which one.
charles Dec 2022
what was I,

but a ditch in the ground,

wanting you to come around,

singing like a drunken clown.

what was I,

but a son that had drowned,

wishing you could keep me grounded.

what was I,

but the star in your eyes,

kept in dark,

while i stared,

as you passed me by.
charles Nov 2018
He quickens my breath,
He raises my stress,
comforts my demons,
and abandons the rest.
charles May 2023
when you Fall,

i'm the Jump,

hold on and let go,

you're better than none.
charles Nov 2018
if you see me, i am scared,
when you don't, i appear,
but an empty room, i'll also fear,
my thoughts of self, can't help but care
charles Dec 2019
the many moons,
you failed to see with me,
the suns, their rises,
compromise a single second with you.
the drunken nights,
we spent so bright,
blending in undying time.
your hair and wind,
ending in a rhythmic sin,
that never meant to end.

but it did.
charles May 2019
i loved you once,
but never lost.
learned to live oblivious,
pushed away, forgot the cost.
the beauty in my life i tossed.
living lifeless,
fed on loss.
simple, lonely,
albatross.
charles Jul 2020
a small insanity still holds me,

but i wrangle less for you.

i breathe a little more,

a slowly closed door.

soon the ice will coat the frame.

safe and sound, sometimes tame.

i pray the day i lose your name.

some nights i still burn alive,

that silent illness i survive.

alcohol already there,

before you arrived.
charles Oct 2018
You took my stupid, broken heart,
always Yours right from the start,
its not Your job to catch my fall,
yet You sweep me up when im apart.
dont know where all our love began,
we locked our eyes, i could have ran,
im so confused but still i stand.
i cannot be, You said i can.
break my heart or call it even,
pull me back when i am leaving.
willingly, im Yours for keeping.
charles Feb 2022
i only have eyes for the sky,

so bury me in the night,

broken where the clouds lie,

wondering how to change the time.
charles Jan 2021
your smile used to be a sun.

went out when i was drunk.

embraced the dark until i saw

the color black

the black that all my life becomes.

what color is a life undone?
charles Dec 2021
my heart is yours,

while you don't reappear,

losing all that time in your hair,

but you don't reappear.

I'm all yours,

but my heart's out to lunch,

choosing every thing you would love,

but you still don't appear,

so my heart is all yours.
charles Oct 2019
i thought i wouldn't make the night.
all the times i loved before,
i turned into another lie.
and yes I'm drunk,
i'm dreaming in the daylight.
but i still can make my words rhyme.
i still can think of our time.
remember me in these lines.
and if i die, i hope you know,
i always tried.
charles Sep 2021
if i could wear all your sorrows,

or swallow your pain.

if i could sell all your demons,

or set fire to your fear.

praying good things appear,

but you aren't here,

always falling in love with strangers,

addicted to anger,

attached to a bridge i can't jump over.

but it's crumbling beneath me,

bringing everything to nothing,

without reason or meaning,

but I'm missing your soul.

im ashamed i can't remember it,

only seeking help can ever fix this.
charles Oct 2021
turning seaweed to clouds,

twisting a lifetime around,

in love, entangled;

arrested, depressed and,

interested in resting,

he's restless and friendless,

and less than his friends, when,

the nights be, come endless.
charles Sep 2020
i used to feel each moment you felt.

a year flies by.

while i wait for the snow:

so fresh and unknown.

where i never heard your screams,

and I never felt your feelings.

every footprint at night,

could not record in that pure white.

I have lived, losing many lives,

even the ones that were mine.
charles Aug 2020
i kept my favorite things,

from strangers, just to fall in love.

what is love,

but spiders that crawl across dust?

never knowing what's above,

only holding what they love?
charles May 2020
i could never be in your arms for long.

forever on the sunset-lit backroad.

always in a halo-colored room.

staring blankly at a live screen.

wondering what my life means to me.
charles Jan 12
a kin of mush before we met,

remain as much inside my head,

reborn in every word i ever said;

for where these things, they ever go,

i pray they find a quiet home.
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