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100 · Jul 2021
I'll see you when i see you
charles Jul 2021
they never write back,

left alone without my life back,

i cant keep my life on track.

i love mistakes that lie on their back,

but no amount of love,

could ever win my love back.

so i sit in sin seeking what i lack.

leaving thoughts in the ground,

while the future attacks
charles Sep 2020
i used to feel each moment you felt.

a year flies by.

while i wait for the snow:

so fresh and unknown.

where i never heard your screams,

and I never felt your feelings.

every footprint at night,

could not record in that pure white.

I have lived, losing many lives,

even the ones that were mine.
100 · Jun 2019
demons arranged
charles Jun 2019
used to losing things,
those rainy days,
the thoughts with no name,
i have weathered my shame,
the nights that i drank,
my world stays the same.
the pain i can't change,
i'm honest and blamed,
my demons arranged,
to feel so deranged,
be proud, they all say,
but i'm not, and I'm scared,
then they all disappeared.
charles Nov 2021
you are the parking lot,

i can't forget, the friend i,

never meant to forgive.

a fiend that lost his head,

breathing, drinking to forget,

formally in love with a ghost,

an old home without hosts,

all in all, just a shade with no soul.

or a birthday basking in friends,

ending a life with no end,

sending love across states,

like a fool with no sense.

knowing no one can stand you,

giving up in the end.

or that star on your shoulder,

that could die and begin,

kissed against a headlight of friends.
99 · Aug 2021
comfortable clothes
charles Aug 2021
wrapped in the past,

all the stars unaligned,

without you by my side.

God shouts side affects will arrive,

now im turning into my room,

onto something without you,

holding my soul without you.
98 · Jun 2019
i am all that i need.
charles Jun 2019
muted gasp.

in a luxurious sea,
of tricks and treasures.

i don't want to speak anymore.

your face,
your pictures,
things to adore.

i'll let them go,
in search for more.

hopping hearts,
to find my place.
instead i'll seek the good,
in empty spaces.

if i could build this home,
without your warmth,
i would find you twice,
with love untorn.

but if i falter,
let me be.
a pain upheld,
forever free.
98 · Jan 2022
trending and untitled
charles Jan 2022
staring stars,

gliding in dark,

finding comfort in arks,

you know who you are.

most of me,

i'm not put together;

yet you still stay,

and there could be no other.
98 · Oct 2019
deja vu
charles Oct 2019
i see your smile in dog eyes,
i hear your laugh in jokes i try.
i feel your soul besides my bed.
i try to breathe inside my head.
just take my life, it's yours to keep.
you're married to the time i sleep.
i'm reaching out, without your reach.
i hang on ledges screaming 'leap'.
my tangled thoughts of loving you,
i trade my fantasy for truth,
i change my loss for loving you.
i wish our love was deja vu,
each time you leave,
I'm loving you.
98 · Dec 2021
the spins
charles Dec 2021
can you spin inside this room again,

to stop this ride or save my life,

I know you won't do either,

and that choice is only mine.

maybe i should stay in here,

and hope that blur turns into you,

or hope that I'm just drunk enough,

to believe that it comes true.
98 · Jul 2021
soberiety
charles Jul 2021
would it matter if i remembered how you sang when I wasnt looking?

the way my mind screen shot the moment I fell in love with you at McDonalds

the time i drove you through the greenest woods

your shirt i wore while i was losing you

six months i spent chasing you just to end up a fool?

does it matter when i drink to a black screen and sing to the moon?

i dont want to know where you are,
i dont know where you've been,
every second i breathe is just another reason to be
98 · Dec 2018
since
charles Dec 2018
since that day,
your words rang true.
was never loved,
by one like you.
those honest words,
just can't be true.

since that day,
i loved you too,
i couldn't speak,
but it was true.
now you're gone,
but i'm not through.
98 · Apr 2021
trigger
charles Apr 2021
i cant replace your face in clouds,

or burn the thoughts that i allow,

or **** a soul so loud.

like a cut i dont repair,

i hum to watch it stay and sear,

then drink and hope it reappears.
98 · Nov 2019
for the end
charles Nov 2019
all those days i couldn't keep,
and every time you couldn't speak,
i still loved you, just like a fiend.
i held you more, without a means.
and yet i placed you in this scene:
I'm once a man, and now I'm mean.
i'm broken down without the means,
I'm trying, being, just to be,
and something else i hadn't seen.
i loved you, held onto your seams.
you pulled apart, and lost your sheen,
and still i loved you like a queen.
97 · May 2019
familiar feeling
charles May 2019
our eyes just commune,
a love lit in tune.
simply wandering,
falling towards you.
tragic and tryst,
with flames that we miss.
filled our emotions,
so drunken in kiss.
hopes that you follow,
and hold up the signs,
feelings unearthed,
so you'll find them in rhyme.
97 · Feb 2019
promises to yourself
charles Feb 2019
its easiest,
inebriated,
courage lies unconfiscated,
surely we have all related,
saying things while staying faded,
loving things so underrated,
kisses on the shoulder blades, it,
seems our eyes are saturated,
tentative our trust remains, if,
loving you means you aren't staying.
96 · Jul 2020
alcoholic losses
charles Jul 2020
a small insanity still holds me,

but i wrangle less for you.

i breathe a little more,

a slowly closed door.

soon the ice will coat the frame.

safe and sound, sometimes tame.

i pray the day i lose your name.

some nights i still burn alive,

that silent illness i survive.

alcohol already there,

before you arrived.
96 · Nov 2021
between fevers and dreams
charles Nov 2021
does a cloud make you float,

or a drain make you dream.

when you're stuck in a rut,

what fake fables keep you up.

in a minute, you're scared,

suddenly you aren't there.

i'm sorry for alot of things.

no matter madness makes,

embodied, impossibly fake.

an eye without an arrow,

fearing fame and some likes.

I miss my friends with their smiles,

and a handful of time.

i wish they could hear,

and i wish they were here.

amen.
96 · Aug 2020
a breath and some sails
charles Aug 2020
i hope i find a happier feeling,

than falling in love with you.
95 · May 2019
drunke
charles May 2019
symphonies, mind,
thieves in the hive,
healing their lives,
vices are pretty,
friends are just kidding,
living, the middle of,
tragedies killing her,
listening, kids are here,
struck, straight, about,
love in a drought,
family pout,
living without,
screaming aloud,
carry my voice into our clouds,
loving loud, leaving out,
thoughts, i don't know,
snow in our history,
struggling, how,
words are so feeble,
backs, as they leave.
turning the truth and their meaning.
95 · Jul 2019
i thought it said goodbye
charles Jul 2019
tracing lines on my skin,
every pressure within,
all my lies become kin,
can't relate, all the pain (I am in)

pompusly pulling,
a treasured sin,
i pushed you apart,
i'm here again.
i won't hold my words,
but you hate when i turn,
i'm away in my depths,
makes a person, I'm less,
all the love that you give,
i have learned to love stress.
all the reasons to breathe,
i remove my best guess.
95 · Aug 2019
happiness is a bad poem
charles Aug 2019
those sirens i hear,
that i choose to ignore.
every thought that cut deep
now i throw to the shore.
every sin that i knew,
won't appear anymore.
though my writing is worse,
i can walk through that door.
if i see you outside,
then I'm needless of more,
maybe drunk, but content,
though we're scarred, you're adored.
95 · Aug 2019
bring you down
charles Aug 2019
your flaws,
opened loud.
you would glow,
and once proud.
your dreams were like grass,
not so high in those clouds,
where you stare at me now,
while i'm bringing you down.
charles Oct 2021
as real as the stars in the sky,

as your discontent in me,

the fear that things stay the same,

on the day i turn thirty-three.

a broken couple eating barbecue,

roadside on its way to an empty home.

the thirty types of chemo,

swimming in my mother's veins.

the same day drink that repeats itself,

when i have a day free.

the screen i can't detach from,

never working on me.

the fear of talking and rehab,

only caring when i drink,

the only time my soul ever sings,

on a mattress getting wasted,

hoping time will give me wings.
95 · Sep 2021
someday
charles Sep 2021
take me to the moon,

so you can melt inside my room,

my eyes are blurry,

slowly covered in everything,

that my loved ones couldn't say.

maybe some day i can say,

my soul is not the same,

as the one you saw before that day,

but I'll hold my breath anyways.
94 · Mar 2021
take care
charles Mar 2021
i flew into your life,

a painful soul on fire,

swallowing steam for your smile.

relief that only i desired.

i would have died in your eyes.

if i knew what to do with your life.

but im alright

though my future isnt bright.


I love you.
94 · Dec 2024
don't worry, i'm fine
charles Dec 2024
you've caught an uncomfortable man,

where nothing you do will oblige,

he'll predominantly be fine,

with a tall, glass of red wine.

and a wife made of air,

with an approval from peers,

let him loose and unwind.

with a mom pushing daisies,

raising hell in my folks, like a crazy,

feeling age in my bones,

spewing words on a screen,

holding on to world,

falling down in a drain,

crawling abominably,

fading somewhere happily.
94 · Jul 2021
ten years of self harm
charles Jul 2021
some things dont change,

"live without a chance to walk away'

maniacally, i try to be okay.

some days its fine that way;

some days i dig a knife in my face,

driving drunk,

then be grateful the next day.

i can't stand the day.
94 · Dec 2019
demon mouth
charles Dec 2019
a dying lamb,
the demon's mouth,
express myself,
with manic words,
and broken sounds.
94 · Aug 2021
signals/illness
charles Aug 2021
buried rain clouds inside my ribs,

lightning illuminating my skin,

signaling illness that lets nothing in.

but if i could let you out,

i'd be more than happy again,

if i could let you go,

i'd be more than happy again.
94 · Feb 2021
ur eyes
charles Feb 2021
i'll only see your eyes,

when time decides to lure me

from a certain kind of lie

but like the time before

i hit a floor I drunkenly adore

behind a closed door.

wake up

a pool of sweat

with things that you regret

you shake and call your friends

but their still tired of your ****.

so tilt your head back

closed eyes let your throat relax.

sudden singing

with some carpet on your back.

saying things

you would have said to her.

your eyes are stars in skies

she'll never see again.
94 · Jun 2021
backwards
charles Jun 2021
i will never see you again in the night

or whatever could have been our life

our souls remain random fireflies

inside that iron sight

whatever is left of the light

i wont find you there

I'm just man with two hands

holding a hundred lives.
93 · Nov 2020
the world to you
charles Nov 2020
where im not vile,

where im not drunk.

keeping promises,

controlling the sun.

soothing your mood,

shining the moon,

hoping that i see my friends soon.
93 · Sep 2020
360
charles Sep 2020
360
how do i send you to the clouds?

when your life was ran into ground?

does it even matter now?

i saw you once in town.

some day I'll turn you into nouns.

something like love,

or something less loud.
charles Oct 2021
so cute of you to cheat on me,

reminiscing your feet on a beach,

but the years don't change a thing.

neither do absurd amounts of drinks.

but anyways..
93 · Jul 2019
to whom it still concerns
charles Jul 2019
a tempered soul,
my swollen lines,
each keep a secret,
yours to find.
and if you do,
i hope you see,
the things i couldn't,
killing me.
93 · Sep 2021
moving on broken
charles Sep 2021
i can't say what i want you to say,

while im glued to this room,

my soul is too exhausted,

to repeat what I'll lose.
92 · Jul 2020
things (and nothing more)
charles Jul 2020
the things that shake my bones,

sowed in lights,

that aren't my own.

I marry promises,

i wish I showed.

but sin is nothing but a boat,

a menaced bite,

a midnight moan.

i built you,

out of loss.

a pain,

our love forgot.

a loving prayer that sings to me.

the thing I'd trade eternally,

a smile, i lived so miserably.
92 · Mar 2021
infinite resignation
charles Mar 2021
there is a place in such loneliness,

when your loss is your life.

trade your feelings for your wife.

feel the ground for some sky.

when a door is your weapon

with a life without friends.

with a life without warmth.

in a field of corn.

every lie that was sworn.

just to hide behind doors.
92 · Jun 2019
tried
charles Jun 2019
something broken, deep inside,
long, I've searched,
it always hides.
my friend's say 'breathe,
just give it time'.
how long can trauma,
stay a lie?
so long, I've fought,
to stay alive.
a family worried,
mouth is tied.
my mind can't pick a ******* side.
i want to love myself,
I've tried.

and if I go,
just know i tried.
charles Aug 2020
colors car-crash against my eyes,

roll them back,

into another pair of arms to call mine.

some call it love,

or something divine.

tonight, i'll call it luck,

a little part of my life.
charles Jan 2020
i dont care about your hair,
i see careless and restless,
each lie in your eyes,
you can't see in yourself.
skin is easy to tear,
where is your heart at?

it's easy to love,
leniently leaning towards each soul.
last longer than years,
then you can dress me impressed.

loving you,
love myself less,
falling into negatives,
every heart needs a rest.

sleep by yourself,
lower your dress,
pour love in intent,
keep a promise you meant.
charles Aug 2019
i need help.

broken shelf,
we refuse to repair.
i repeat the same pain,
she forgets all that fear.
we can love all we want,
what i need is myself.
broken glass on the wall,
all those family-missed calls.
hold my hand all you want,
you can't teach me to breathe,
i can't live with myself,
when the problem is me.
92 · Jan 2019
the last few years
charles Jan 2019
our feet on a court,
my room, last resorts,
a word fallen short,
when pressed, no report,
a pain pushed forward,
a long , lost award,
of an impossible sort.
91 · Jul 2019
to whom it may concern
charles Jul 2019
i'd rather die,
than hold another drink again.
i lost myself,
i've lost my friends.
my family's love, i still ignore,
but still it knows no end.

to whom it may concern,
i'm more than this,
and all my faults.
it's hard to stand,
i often fall.
91 · Oct 2021
when you get around to me
charles Oct 2021
give me a little to drink,

but maybe you aren't,

what morning is bringing to me,

but I'm okay, gladly playing a fool,

when i can drink a whole sea.

i don't know where I'm looking,

but the blurry life that i lead,

i just hope that it's clear,

when you get around to me.
charles Jan 9
recklessly leaving, windows opening,

sickly sounds, of doors are shutting,

infinitely holding on to corners,

hoping hard times are behind them,

and a whole new life behind quitting.
90 · Dec 2020
i'd rather be dead
charles Dec 2020
you were misfortuned to love,

such a soul who could not hold it.

yet we still loved,

but all for a moment.

like a sun on fresh eyes,

i see you when they're pressed.

i see what you wanted,

and granted you less.

i could leave on a chariot,

and write my own death,

whatever that hides what i left.

a few walls and a floor,

that i've turned to my bed.

i could say that I'm sorry,

but I'd rather be dead.
90 · Aug 2019
too quiet to speak
charles Aug 2019
i saw your eyes,
over fork and knife,
wondering of your day's last light.
will it be your time,
or is it mine?
no son of yours,
would be so kind.
held glass, not hands,
for things i couldn't stand.
deprived of sleep,
to sift through sand.
i pray that nightmare doesnt come,
when i will be the only one,
a self-taught lie, now come undone.
the things you saw, i'll never see,
the better side inside of me,
who pawned your love,
for one more drink.
90 · Sep 2019
untitled
charles Sep 2019
you made me insecure,
while you took what wasn't yours.
drunk driving, blurry turns,
all i used to be was yours.

never sober more than a week,
a single thought makes me weak,
day drinking in a one-room,
scaring friends, breaking walls,
wishing walls were you.

gave your body to someone else,
while i fought with myself,
seeking peace, tried to breathe,
all i needed was help.

all these thoughts, shouldn't dwell,
found myself in this hell,
said some words, couldn't tell,
loving honestly in that hotel.

i held hard to the glass,
holding on to my past,
left a bruise with my love,
knowing love wouldn't last.
90 · Aug 2021
untitled
charles Aug 2021
sometimes a month

cannot heal a wound

and neither can two

not even a year.

not even you.
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