shots for every scar i caused,
and everything you ever loved,
was every thing i never saw.

six packs a night,
i missed your flight,
i lost myself amidst the time.

a torrid day, i took your face,
it pressed to mine without a say,
wishing i would be okay.

i drank, i left, i drank some more,
i found a soul i soon adored.
too late in love, i wasn't sure.

i'm wasted, sorry,
i loved you too,
the sun was all you ever were,
my voice a silent moon.

paint the room,

I write my restless unkempt

worried lemon taste

but you see the tide in my face.

shooting, drinking, hoping high,

relate to patients at work,

no space for my hurt

you just wanna be heard.

gave up love,
to read books.
traded truth, trust,
your second-looks.
tried the drink temporarily,
found an edge,

treaded carefully.

yet I crossed,
and it's cause of me.

your soul haunts my mountain,

though no height will replace you,

but i think that i loved you,

though i don't know if its true.

only as high as love let me be,

but I loved my bottled demons,

and no loss could change that feeling.

i can dream my life away,

kissing moons and holding skies,

pretending black holes as your eyes.

lightning caves inside my mind,

fall asleep feeling fine,

shake, your hands,

thank God I'm still alive.

holding such coldness,

non-existent holiness,

but your eyes were such a

? ?

and i never was the same.

carry me to greener pastures,
comfort me like lying pastors,
perforate the broken parts,
make it easy, tear apart,
the things you loved,
let me restart.
words you said,
have stained my heart.

i will drink you, black poison,

till you take me from me,

when my soul is not free.

and they won't know what it means.

sleepwalk in their dreams,

while im here, I'll still lean,

like a soul with no leash,

but they wont know what it means.

im alone,

im a drunk,

something less,

than the one that you loved.

im a mess and much more,

I'm a son, was a friend,

im a stubborn door.

I loved more than myself,

but i still wanted more.

i am sorry and spent,

and my heart still pays rent,

but I'm moving without smiling,

slowly crawling to life.

but i dont know what I'd do,

if i ever saw your eyes.

in time sobriety falls from the sky,

ill be more alive than a feeling in skin.

I'd probably cry when I knew when,

the rest of my life would begin.

but tonights not the same,

all the thoughts that I fight,

slowly fall in their flight

i'll be drunk until i feel alright.

the fire made the mess,

but i still love you,

dont know why I miss you,

something missing from my soul.

is it addiction

or all those bottles on my floor

empty shells I adore

but our life always meant more.

i kept my favorite things,

from strangers, just to fall in love.

what is love,

but spiders that crawl across dust?

never knowing what's above,

only holding what they love?

all the lines that i crossed,
just to be in your arms.
never thought that I'd lose,
buried deep in your harm.
like a splinter left in,
caused a changed in my growth,
threw a tilt to my world,
severed love i won't know.

and nothing changed.

my friends were far away,

i dried up on the second floor,

listening to childish banter,

just a few yards below.

and i loved you when it snowed,

i loved you before it even was cold.

before you weren't as old.

just a year but you never would know.

im an angel dying for the star's glow.

left without love, and leaking all hope.

i hope that the moment i leave,

is precious to hold.

a few favorite words,

i wish i could have meant.

engraved thoughts,

a heart made of cement.

you sure made my knees swoon,

each time I said I'd love you soon.

now you're just a dozens drinks,

some things i wish I'd never seen.

I'll love you to death,

and never know what it means.

you'll always mean something to me.

I'll leave you just as soon,

as my heart will let itself beat.

I'll love you long,

until i cannot breathe.

i know that isnt promising,

as death and several alcoholic drinks.

I'll still love you with some words,

you wont ever see.

thoughts that i could never hone,
kept you close, a quiet home.
built on sand and love alone,
sinking while the sun shone.

some day I'll wrestle the sun,

you can bring home the moon.

I can part the stars,

while you become a better you.

I'll bury my age,

in a pile of time,

i can still fall in love with ghosts,

while i forget your smile.

reliving my life through a screen,

living my life with a drink,

losing when i want to scream.

sleeping and hoping for dreams.

made great,

a great emotion,

that words could never show.

that helped me live a little longer.

blessed my foot with the snow,

that will always melt,

without a print to show.

for the moment I'll stare,

and learn to let go.

the sleep i sold,
to see you.

dreams i had,
to hold you.

things i thought to feel true.

pain i held to learn you.

death i found to feel you.

heaven never comes true.

know i'll never see you,

know i really loved you.

know i

a five-word saying,

that will never see the light of day.

as important as our month in may.

and every day after every day after,

i pray i rise to the rafters,

to see your face in laughter.

your soul, I'll always hope I capture,

in whatever kind of drunken after.

i bomb my head,

swallow death,

just to fit inside my self,

but i can't stand the seams;

any addict knows what that means.

and if I ever said i hated you,

it was only meant for me.

give me a chance,
i will tear you apart,
your thrown away innocence,
revert to the start.
i breathe in the consequence,
constant, the distance,
we showed from the start.
i'm praying for a better heart.

i tried to steal your sober heart,
and promised not to break it.
i told my soul to stay intact,
in stead, it couldn't take it.

i couldn't know if i tried.

too far from where you've been.

i wasn't yours to keep.

but someone kept me here.

did you know i was all that'd be left?

when my heart lost its light?

when your grey turned to white?

when your life changed mine twice?

Only i would stand there.

i would stand there again,

i would remember to live,

while you learned how to be.


living alone in the roots,

holding fast to your feet,

burying yourself in a hell,

trying to change what you see.

alcohol was the only good dream,

but relief is earned,

now your house is only hers,

like an extension of you,

like a thing that remembers you,

and you're stuck in it's head.

hold fast to your roof,

for it's shelter to pain,

hold close to your heart,

for the actions it's made.

hold on to yourself,

cause it's all that you'll have.

throw your sorrow to crows,

but it's not all that you have.

i'll never find a better sleep,

than one in which the sun,

denies to bring your eyes up.

i'll squander in wonder,

where they ever went.

i wait for light to die down,

the kind that made me squint.

promise i could never keep.

i still hear your soul scream.

burned too bright to see,

tiny stars that would sing.

i married the ground,
the sky was too loud.
i moved to your town.
those waves were so crowded.
i climbed higher mountains.
i met all my demons,
you wouldn't accept,
they held all the faces,
i could not escape.
fast forward to now,
a drink in my hand,
a job i can't stand,
melting in snow,
like drowning in sand.

yourwordsheldthevoicethaticouldntletgo.
theirrapidinflecti­onsdarkenedthetone.
themoreisaidthemoreifelt

alone.

and when my spirit fades away,

i hope it takes away everything;

from my feet to my tingling face,

everything so hard to say.

i was a drunk,

which is no excuse.

i wanted peace for loving you.

we fell to stars,

in a life without sun.

too bright for both of us,

i bungie jump into the dark.

and still among the stars,

there you are.

maybe i missed my mark,

maybe i fell too far.

i saw enough reality,

just to lose sight of my feet.

i don't know why,

what it means;

too numb to feel the grass.

or even your hand.

i wouldn't know you anyway,

removing my head,

piece by piece,

by each drink to my mouth.

but i still know how to hurt,

i still know how you were.

now i'm leaving the earth,

like a broken heaven navigator.

i have somewhere to be,
where my feelings don't show,
while my words dress in white,
buried deep within snow.

i'd live another life,

to not know who you are.

I'd trade your face,

for a midnight bar.

the kind that blacks out the stars,

i wouldn't trade those starry eyes,

couldn't heal your arms around me,

shouldn't let such a thing fade away,

or so i said.

would have given you the moon,

if i could, it would be yours,

but I'm just a fool,

or so i said.

should have loved while i was whole,

could have kept my piece of soul,

but now my thoughts won't fade away,

or so i say.

You used to love your name,
played with toys,
without a single shame.
Every surface of your house,
memorized every shape.
Growing up, it surely changed.
And nothing ever was the same.

stapled hearts to brevity,
handled pain with levity,
losing sleep, levitate me.
leave me broke then love me.

my love is on the mountain,

my love is in the trees.

my love is bound by nothing,

not even violent seas.

to my love,

the sun is just a ball of string,

like my soul, it's pulled,

and then released.

these walls are slowly pressing me,

i'm no stranger to pressure in me,

i'd write my last words if it meant any

thing, if my format mattered, if words


        were in a                certain


                 place

whowouldsayanything?

dospacesmatter

would it make you think         dif

ferently?

would you leave a dumb comment



of what your thinking of           me

. would you crucify my grammar




            does it change everything

without punctionation


or a rhythm that

B
r
E
A
t
h

e
s..

would it really be so bad?

she was beautiful in wind,
loyalty to sin,
self in the friend,
needs of her,
were worthless to him.
when i die,
it wont matter again.

i promise to be sick,

i'll hurt every day,

many words ill never say,

my soul, a god will never save.

shivering i say I'm brave,

im naught,

a fool,

my only tool is a glass bottle.

managing my heart,

accelerate, i lacerate,

slower, arrested.

i just miss the way my life was.

before i wrote this.

i'm excluding your prescense,

writing black markers on heaven,

call demons all you want,

all I'm looking for is a good time.

and if i die in a dry grocery aisle,

know you're the only reason i cry,

not much else could keep me alive.

whatever keeps you here,

healing despair,

i reach and you hear,

when i reach, you won't hear.

but whatever keeps you here.

i can fly while i text,

but the second we meet,

your life is swiped left,

the face of your screen is pressed,

but whatever keeps you here.

give up, in hopes you wont,

making a house out of foam,

filled with razorblades,

but you're only made of bones,

i hope you hold on to your phone,

and whatever keeps you here.

sheets love-torn from a mattress,

you wore that t-shirt like a dress,

illuminated by the lights we hung,

on the floor, in our spot, you sung.

i know too much about heartache,

all that crying out my eyes and lungs,

but one thing i can't forget,

are the moments made from love.

the whole world on my shoulders,
i shouldn't feel older,
but I feel out of order.
I want to buy more beer,
to obliterate my self care,
to resolve the next year.

broken mind,
isnt mine,
drunken kind,
buried lie,
shortened time,
shaky eyes,
******* crime,
who am i,
idolized,
you were mine,
loving eyes,
agonize,
memorize,
place in time,
love you, i.
justified,
draw a line,
still i break,
i'll be fine.

whatever you want,

so long as you spare me.

all the pain history taught me.

like a pilot without eyes,

i'll fly right by your side,

if you give me a room,

where i can lose myself at night.

i am a man.

i didn't make that post.

i didn't sing that song.

i didn't write that poem.

i didn't make that video.

then who am i?

do you see an artist or the drunk?

a dreamer, or someone,

who left their dreams to sink?

someone unforgivable,

without some loving arms,

writing words to warm a lost heart?

endless nights by your side,

knowing nothing's there but night,

chasing love like it was wine,

holding nothing,

it's all right.