write me, in your eyes.

tell me i can be good again.

promise death is not the end.

to live and love for all my friends.

don't let those fleeting moments,

fly for too long

all my seasons were a pain to you,

if only you had stayed for four or two.

my drinking doubled digits daily,

while i numbly watched you fly away.

i never thought it you to blame,

not a single moment, every day.

haunted thoughts,
that don't turn off.
panic comes,
and leaves so soft.
a certain fact,
you can't make true,
to make it real is all you do.
robbed a fridge,
from my own kin,
to feel like I'm a better man.
the moon routine revolves to sun,
forgot to hold on to your love.

pathetic hands try to stop,

"but there is more to your loss"

there is more to be lost,

in these shackles i bought.

but this dream feels much better,

than any thing i ever have thought.

since that day,
your words rang true.
was never loved,
by one like you.
those honest words,
just can't be true.

since that day,
i loved you too,
i couldn't speak,
but it was true.
now you're gone,
but i'm not through.

remember when you broke me so?
taught me terror that i hadn't known?
questions that would weigh me low.
traveled sand just to feel the snow.
across the world, then frozen cold.

i drink aquariums,

i stare at stars,

lean against my charcoal car,

watching blackened clouds,

drifting around,

hoping, with a heavy heart,

that you slow this spinning bar.

and when you do,

i'll stop dreaming of you,

or my charcoal car.

the seconds will fade,
while the minutes sneak by.
an hour so short,
blue to black, turns our sky.

found you in my darkest days,
a love I'd have no other way.
i tried to pull but still i stayed,
for once, i cannot walk away.

forever falling apart,

fading out with the stars.

addicted to the moon,

just to forget such an empty room.

but a couple of words couldn't hurt;

"something, something",

something about you being hers.

a fire is so bright,

before darkness occurs

there's no cure to that curse,

only time will prevail,

over living and learning.

a bit more,

bringing nothing back.

bashful sun, in love,

madness

a movie we would never finish,

lights were low, my soul was dim,

wrapped an arm around your waist,

such uncertainty within your face.

caressed it like i had for years.

i don't regret a single tear.

held you tight while you were mine.

now nothing's left but nine lines.

and maybe that's alright.

write my life away,

knowing,

nothing could ever make you stay.

cold as steel, while life stays the same.

i'll move side to side,

but i still stay in my place;

waiting for yours,

or another new face.

terrifyingly tantalizing,
realizing lies in me,
red eyes from my burning tree,
regret like a past-time dream,
unafraid of what, suddenly, can be,
my heart swelling suddenly.
a sin without curse,
as it holds me so lovingly.
words in my mouth,
that your body can speak.
seeing your face,
a tortured release.

i don't know where you're going,
but I'm grateful as sin,
to have known all your pieces,
and places you've been.
i hope somewhere nice,
filled with thousands of lights.
where the days are more bearable,
especially their nights.

sickening, its evident,
your loving soul was heaven sent,
the shame we shared,
we never meant,
was celibate to all your sin,
addictions that i learned to fend,
i ******* let you in again.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

singing songs about your name.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

singing songs about the pain.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

trying to remember my name.

worn planes in a sink,

breakable, breaking, in pain.

try to stay sane.

worn out but surprisingly sane,

unshakeable in shame,

trying to stay the same.

warm home and embrace,

breaking through, someone says:

stay sober, don't change.

I'm not afraid of the dark,

im afraid of your eyes,

of everything that left mine,

including you.

i pray someone can imitate you,

but nothing will replace you.

i turned you into light,
i turned you into time,
i turned you to the sky,
I threw you to the ground,
i turned my life around.
i was lost until I found

you

you're the pills on my counter,
you're the smoke in my lungs,
you're the drink on my lips,
on my shirt, on the floor.
you're a knock on my door.
you're the fear in my heart,
the day I cant start,
we're an ocean apart,
i still love who you are,
i see hope in the stars.

i'll only see your eyes,

when time decides to lure me

from a certain kind of lie

but like the time before

i hit a floor I drunkenly adore

behind a closed door.

wake up

a pool of sweat

with things that you regret

you shake and call your friends

but their still tired of your ****.

so tilt your head back

closed eyes let your throat relax.

sudden singing

with some carpet on your back.

saying things

you would have said to her.

your eyes are stars in skies

she'll never see again.

a poor man watching traffic pass by,

knowing neither destination,

just the passing time.

his heart, without loved ones,

or a passion adored,

only drink and needle

keep him floored.

if he passed away on the street,

he would not lack happiness,

or a peaceful sleep.

he would only lack gratitude,

to see what seems impossible to reach.

i was that man a thousand times,

and ten thousand times more.

i was the eye on the road,

and the trash kicked to curb.

i was the guiding light,

and the troubled night.

at an infinite age of twenty eight,

i still stare at a mirror,

pray my demons wont stare at me.

its easiest,
inebriated,
courage lies unconfiscated,
surely we have all related,
saying things while staying faded,
loving things so underrated,
kisses on the shoulder blades, it,
seems our eyes are saturated,
tentative our trust remains, if,
loving you means you aren't staying.

i see love held tenderly,

my two parents on a couch.

all the souls i won't let in,

every soul i squeezed out.

and too many break downs.

a comfort i cant keep secret,

with a moonful regret,

a sun full of self bitterness.

an artist without entitlement.

locked in the grey eyes of cement.

can you spin inside this room again,

to stop this ride or save my life,

I know you won't do either,

and that choice is only mine.

maybe i should stay in here,

and hope that blur turns into you,

or hope that I'm just drunk enough,

to believe that it comes true.

our feet on a court,
my room, last resorts,
a word fallen short,
when pressed, no report,
a pain pushed forward,
a long , lost award,
of an impossible sort.

too drunk to drive and so are you.

i drive us home

think it's the right thing to do

on that night i make a move.

your face felt so confused.

foreshadowing six months with you,

my stupid self thought i knew you,

then i found out i could cheat on you.

nothing short of what you're used to.

i still walk by the bench,

where i explained myself to you.

now I drink myself to death,

trying to find the truth.

salud

i'll enjoy the clouds until then,

rain falling on your cement,

seemingly harmless, until then,

your soul falls apart,

i'll find a new start,

forgetting the people we are.


[Part Two]

a good man forgets,

leaving a lifetime behind.

loving something else,

readjusting his eyes.

our eyes just commune,
a love lit in tune.
simply wandering,
falling towards you.
tragic and tryst,
with flames that we miss.
filled our emotions,
so drunken in kiss.
hopes that you follow,
and hold up the signs,
feelings unearthed,
so you'll find them in rhyme.

i cant replace your face in clouds,

or burn the thoughts that i allow,

or **** a soul so loud.

like a cut i dont repair,

i hum to watch it stay and sear,

then drink and hope it reappears.

tracing lines on my skin,
every pressure within,
all my lies become kin,
can't relate, all the pain (I am in)

pompusly pulling,
a treasured sin,
i pushed you apart,
i'm here again.
i won't hold my words,
but you hate when i turn,
i'm away in my depths,
makes a person, I'm less,
all the love that you give,
i have learned to love stress.
all the reasons to breathe,
i remove my best guess.

if i loved you,

then i would have stopped.

your imprint on my wall,

a feeling i can't feel at all.

you turned into a grain of salt,

nothing's gained without the fall,

the bottom,

all i ever saw.

they never write back,

left alone without my life back,

i cant keep my life on track.

i love mistakes that lie on their back,

but no amount of love,

could ever win my love back.

so i sit in sin seeking what i lack.

leaving thoughts in the ground,

while the future attacks

all in all,

only stars left above,

all i can't change or create,

asking for phonecalls,

but they all spin away.

gone are the days,

i am asked if i'm okay,

now i just sit and think away,

every drunken thing i cannot say,

until stars have long passed,

then i say im awake.

i might as well try,

to move moons where you'll swoon,

with some shaky hands,

I could give to you.

used to losing things,
those rainy days,
the thoughts with no name,
i have weathered my shame,
the nights that i drank,
my world stays the same.
the pain i can't change,
i'm honest and blamed,
my demons arranged,
to feel so deranged,
be proud, they all say,
but i'm not, and I'm scared,
then they all disappeared.

twenty-eight,

twice in love,

now only in love with twilight,

where I'm not your guy.

not a drink or your word,

could appease what i should,

screaming, scraped up walls,

said i did what I could.

those sirens i hear,
that i choose to ignore.
every thought that cut deep
now i throw to the shore.
every sin that i knew,
won't appear anymore.
though my writing is worse,
i can walk through that door.
if i see you outside,
then I'm needless of more,
maybe drunk, but content,
though we're scarred, you're adored.

staring stars,

gliding in dark,

finding comfort in arks,

you know who you are.

most of me,

i'm not put together;

yet you still stay,

and there could be no other.

back when pictures were pictures,
not a way to make money,
models monetizing,
souls no longer appetizing,

phones making liars out of us.
decent people falling in lust.
finding meaning in holes.
bodies falling for tolls.
morals murdered and null.

shots for every scar i caused,
and everything you ever loved,
was every thing i never saw.

six packs a night,
i missed your flight,
i lost myself amidst the time.

a torrid day, i took your face,
it pressed to mine without a say,
wishing i would be okay.

i drank, i left, i drank some more,
i found a soul i soon adored.
too late in love, i wasn't sure.

i'm wasted, sorry,
i loved you too,
the sun was all you ever were,
my voice a silent moon.

all those days i couldn't keep,
and every time you couldn't speak,
i still loved you, just like a fiend.
i held you more, without a means.
and yet i placed you in this scene:
I'm once a man, and now I'm mean.
i'm broken down without the means,
I'm trying, being, just to be,
and something else i hadn't seen.
i loved you, held onto your seams.
you pulled apart, and lost your sheen,
and still i loved you like a queen.

something broken, deep inside,
long, I've searched,
it always hides.
my friend's say 'breathe,
just give it time'.
how long can trauma,
stay a lie?
so long, I've fought,
to stay alive.
a family worried,
mouth is tied.
my mind can't pick a ******* side.
i want to love myself,
I've tried.

and if I go,
just know i tried.

i'd rather die,
than hold another drink again.
i lost myself,
i've lost my friends.
my family's love, i still ignore,
but still it knows no end.

to whom it may concern,
i'm more than this,
and all my faults.
it's hard to stand,
i often fall.

i see your smile in dog eyes,
i hear your laugh in jokes i try.
i feel your soul besides my bed.
i try to breathe inside my head.
just take my life, it's yours to keep.
you're married to the time i sleep.
i'm reaching out, without your reach.
i hang on ledges screaming 'leap'.
my tangled thoughts of loving you,
i trade my fantasy for truth,
i change my loss for loving you.
i wish our love was deja vu,
each time you leave,
I'm loving you.

an ocean shines like gold,
in sunlight like a fleeing thought,
feeling things the summer taught.
falling down like fading leaves,
pray the demons leaving me.
shot the stars, i couldn't miss,
i saw the lie in God's intent.

seaside apple slices,

open oceanside,

beside myself interior,

in tears upon an infinite reef.

if i could wear all your sorrows,

or swallow your pain.

if i could sell all your demons,

or set fire to your fear.

praying good things appear,

but you aren't here,

always falling in love with strangers,

addicted to anger,

attached to a bridge i can't jump over.

but it's crumbling beneath me,

bringing everything to nothing,

without reason or meaning,

but I'm missing your soul.

im ashamed i can't remember it,

only seeking help can ever fix this.

carry me the comfort of tomorrow,

until you bring the dawn,

love me in my darkest hour,

unlike the love i've lost.

i'll be merry when you're merry,

then i'll miss you when it's gone,

i know nothing of forever,

but i know how much it cost.

i flew into your life,

a painful soul on fire,

swallowing steam for your smile.

relief that only i desired.

i would have died in your eyes.

if i knew what to do with your life.

but im alright

though my future isnt bright.


I love you.