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219 · Oct 2018
2014
charles Oct 2018
2014
I knew you before your new friends ****** with you,
I knew you before you knew how to put yourself back together,
I knew you before I knew better.
Before you dyed your hair blonde,
Before it grew out long.
You left and you knew more things to make me less gone.
All I got was an email, said I made you strong.
Left the state to change my mind,
Lived in a bottle thinking tonight was my time,
Put it down just to write a better rhyme,
But my words refuse flow when every day is a grind.
Not even missing you, just wish I knew  truth from a lie.
Said i was a stepping stone to life, so why cant i find the happiness in mine?
Two years, dependence, a state line between us, its still hard to see the things that make me shine.
I guess its just something that i'm not meant to find,
Since everything in front of me is meant to leave behind.
Continue reading...
219 · May 2019
you on the cloud
charles May 2019
you on the cloud
arrived on the wind,
weathered and bent,
loved my attention,
covered in sin.
guessed my intention,
called me a friend.
left me in shambles,
never again.
i wanted your company,
coped with your loss.
i left you alone,
my feelings were tossed.
Continue reading...
218 · Nov 2018
the misery
charles Nov 2018
the misery
the love we carried in our pair,
soon, we left what wasn't there,
another love, we never dared,
the misery was all we shared,
i died to say the things i feared,
now pain is all i ever hear.
Continue reading...
215 · Jul 2019
my left arm
charles Jul 2019
my left arm
the first one was foolish,
and hastily drawn.
it felt like my darkest,
but time marked its dawn.  
for you, laid the rest,
while they screamed all my worth.
i wrapped them in lies,
while the next had its turn.
they stop and they stare,
while i fake my self-care.
but each mark is a truth,
that i fail to hear.
Continue reading...
215 · Dec 2021
of lovers long past
charles Dec 2021
of lovers long past
a broken violin inside my eyes,

only once you shed a tear,

my whole soul,

raining down for years.

can't stop what i can't control.

can't let you go at all,

but i try, like a broken fool.

my life knows nothing but your arms,

each day, i wonder what they were,

but im certain they weren't her.
Continue reading...
215 · Nov 2018
growing pains
charles Nov 2018
growing pains
so close to what i cannot touch,
the feeling felt within the drunk,
it might as well become the sun,
the unattained that burn with love.
rebelled against that shaky turn,
then crashed into a dying fern.
the kind of love that's meant to hurt,
the growing pains have lost their spurt.
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213 · Jul 2019
sober for you
charles Jul 2019
sober for you
you snuck your kiss inside my life,
my mouth was numb, but now alive.
a bottled poison pressed my lips,
but none amount a single kiss.
I'd put it down if you had asked,
i'd trade our future for my past.
Continue reading...
213 · Nov 2019
refuse
charles Nov 2019
refuse
terrified in an empty room,
i say your name,
you refuse to soothe,
all my sins,
but my love is true.
i grab my arms,
and pretend its you.
Continue reading...
212 · Apr 2022
the art of letting go
charles Apr 2022
the art of letting go
wishing every day was a weekend,

dotting my life in that eternal night,

wanting sleep when my soul is full,

emptied when the morning's old.
Continue reading...
210 · Jul 2021
a fool and his fire
charles Jul 2021
a fool and his fire
i'll be in the corners,

leading lines to a fire,

like a fool without you.

only you could be water,

but what do i know about you.
Continue reading...
209 · Jul 2019
geronimo
charles Jul 2019
geronimo
i want to jump off,
be one with the ground.
i lose myself when you aren't around.
change me to a cloud,
i'll stay a while.
watch you from a bird's eye,
count the ways you breathe,
from a couple miles high.
I'll get sad and pour rain,
clear skies for your smile.
Continue reading...
209 · Dec 2018
passionless
charles Dec 2018
passionless
your soul so soft,
as i thought of you often,
i lost you,
i left as you turned and coughed, then,
tore me apart within,
the seconds you left in,
days i spent holding up your chin.
maybe the cause of my sorrow,
the old excuse. refused to borrow.
as time goes on, an old truth,
becomes lie.
who am i.
but a person you loved,
in a passionless time.
Continue reading...
208 · Apr 2022
following traffic signals, forgetting people
charles Apr 2022
following traffic signals, forgetting people
I glide through green lights,

obliterating double lines,

hoping i can still see the great divine,

dishonored by three bottles of red wine.

but i still remember crying at the station,

calling you from my driver's side,

bruised, cut and unkind,

begging you to stay in my life.
Continue reading...
208 · Jun 2019
things i love
charles Jun 2019
things i love
your eyes in flight,
admist a laugh.
the way you roll them,
when attacked.
your shoulder's weight on workdays,
i'd carry, if there was a way.
your heart's content,
when you're okay.
your legs on mine,
when we're alone.
these things i love,
from head to toe.
Continue reading...
205 · Oct 2018
the degree of your breath
charles Oct 2018
the degree of your breath
dont remember your voice,
dont remember your face,
the degree of your breath,
or the heart that i chased.
what once caused me pain,
my mind cant create.
i stayed for too long,
that much i can make.
no comfort in loss,
of what i forgot,
i guess time made its lesson,
my heart was well-taught.
Continue reading...
204 · Mar 2019
offensive silence
charles Mar 2019
offensive silence
i made my bed,
as it loved every word,
i never said.
i just wish that the world,
could too.
Continue reading...
203 · Oct 2019
200
charles Oct 2019
200
i used to love my room,
i used to love my brother,
and once abused by my own mother,
i held it in, i'm just another:
man of mental illness,
man of mucho illness,
hispanic boy that They left.
i drank so that i felt less,
i kept all things in my chest.
you knew me once at my best.
i broke you, now you know the rest.

God, i hope i passed the test.
Continue reading...
202 · Feb 2022
magnetic loss
charles Feb 2022
magnetic loss
why does the world feel alone,

when you read what i say,

then you leave me alone?

what fried soul can atone?

this millennial foe,

such a strange thing to know,

when a fool feels alone.
Continue reading...
201 · Sep 2019
happy endings on a horizon
charles Sep 2019
happy endings on a horizon
i don't recall,
the words i wrote on here.
it all was built,
on drinking,
and a little fear.

but you,
your words,
i want to know.
so wake me in a morning's glow.
don't let me down,
or let me go.

i know it's cheap,
but let me keep,
the things that help my sanity.
i know i'll quit,
i told you so.
some things work out,
and some just don't.
but you're that angel in the snow,
that dying, fleeting hope,
i pray each night to hold.
Continue reading...
199 · May 2023
the point of poetry
charles May 2023
the point of poetry
all i write is for you;

not for millions, but the few,

from safe shelter,

for your eyes,

sprinkled time while i grew.


all i needed was you,

nothing more, no one else,

once a lover, then a lout,

hugging corners of fire,

and calling it "hell".
Continue reading...
195 · May 2019
fire
charles May 2019
fire
i found you in fire,
you found me without.
i sat in my embers,
and never to be.
you opened your arms,
and gave me a flame.
my worth was the sand,
you gave me a name.
i took apprehension,
you lived in it too.
i feared all the meanings,
you saw me, a fool.
my time was a question,
your eyes signaled truth.
i sat so uninterested,
suffering you.
Continue reading...
194 · Feb 2023
without notifications
charles Feb 2023
without notifications
i am barren,

i am further from you,

i am unhappy,

i am.
Continue reading...
193 · May 2019
albatross
charles May 2019
albatross
i loved you once,
but never lost.
learned to live oblivious,
pushed away, forgot the cost.
the beauty in my life i tossed.
living lifeless,
fed on loss.
simple, lonely,
albatross.
Continue reading...
193 · Nov 2018
thank you
charles Nov 2018
thank you
if i could stop then i would,
no longer feel that i should.
when the sky comes down,
lay me down in the mud.
and what you don't know,
you wish that you could.
all the bad in my eyes can't abide all your good.

well i tried.

and i tried,
so why lie about things i cant hide?
dont know what keeps me alive.
Continue reading...
192 · Dec 2022
a funeral
charles Dec 2022
a funeral
what was I,

but a ditch in the ground,

wanting you to come around,

singing like a drunken clown.

what was I,

but a son that had drowned,

wishing you could keep me grounded.

what was I,

but the star in your eyes,

kept in dark,

while i stared,

as you passed me by.
Continue reading...
192 · Jan 2023
the weekend
charles Jan 2023
the weekend
without you for two days,

still, i tip my head without shame,

nightly, draining life from a drink,

the steaming distillery lies in bed.
Continue reading...
192 · Jul 2021
concealer
charles Jul 2021
concealer
find consolation in such broken eyes,

like another sea of disrepair,

in a moment it's gone,

in the morning it's there.

two dark, perfected circles,

slide around the window of souls.
Continue reading...
190 · Nov 2018
eventually
charles Nov 2018
eventually
some day this long night,
will soon never be;
the things that i say,
the person i see.
i will love myself eventually.
right now, i'm not sure,
and sometimes that's alright.
there's more moments of bliss,
than the most restless of nights.
though they come slowly,
and their presense is sparce,
i still know them by heart,
and you know who you are.
and if night turns to day,
but night takes me away,
just know you're the reason,
my sad soul had stayed.
Continue reading...
190 · Dec 2019
where
charles Dec 2019
where
your hair in wind,
the quiet friend,
our broken trends,
we sat on steps,
with book ends.

i was just as scared as you,
ready, willing, played the fool,
i loved you too,
i said it first,
i swear it's true.
but where were you.
Continue reading...
190 · Jul 2019
youinlondon
charles Jul 2019
youinlondon
your face in that country,
it still remains lovely.
the love that it broke,
once left me with nothing.
and know I've loved angels,
but nothing as true,
all the life that i gave them,
was once all for you.
Continue reading...
190 · Dec 2018
home in words
charles Dec 2018
home in words
i made a home in words,
made the twists and turns,
without a single soul to see,
to sit there silently and learn.

im writing to a wall,
with confidence so proudly tall,
but to opinions, will it always fall.

then maybe i won't sleep at all.
Continue reading...
189 · Apr 2019
changed my mind
charles Apr 2019
changed my mind
fast as a flicker in flame,
illusive as a quarter in sea,
tense as a hand at throat,
dreadful like anxiety.
Continue reading...
189 · Mar 2022
forgiveness, in six lines
charles Mar 2022
forgiveness, in six lines
time took this pain away,

to you, from me,

spending a lifetime to feel okay.

only life feels this way,

without words,

or hate.
Continue reading...
189 · May 2022
excuses, in twenty-one words
charles May 2022
excuses, in twenty-one words
nothing,

i'm fine,

i don't know,

i don't feel good,

i need to go,

i'm sorry,

i can't,

i need help.
Continue reading...
187 · Aug 2021
infinitely
charles Aug 2021
infinitely
candy-caned straws,

carry me down a nightly drawl,

where i can draw you with sleight,

i forget you by sun.

where drinkers can sin to forget,

then forget the sin.

when the crazy can write,

without a single eye to spy,

this lonely island of mine,

where many have crossed or died.
Continue reading...
187 · Nov 2018
they dont love me at all
charles Nov 2018
they dont love me at all
they dont love me at all,
it's no wonder why so,
and the less i get back,
means the less that i show.
it's been said many times,
many ways from our throats:
its the love that we lost,
that we passionately hold.
and we shuffle through seasons,
then suffer the cold.
we live 25 years feeling 40 years old,
built on longing and pain,
and the lies that we're told.
but this rant has gone on,
and my passion will fold.
but don't pity me
comfort me,
leave me alone.
cause the person i've been,
are the faults of my own.
Continue reading...
187 · Jul 2022
optional
charles Jul 2022
optional
if i held your heart,

i surely would not know,

too busy turning off faucets,

of the great unknown.

if i was the bird who sings,

like a fool next to your home,

i would surely fly south,

of your soul, i would not know.
Continue reading...
186 · May 2019
deirdre
charles May 2019
deirdre
shy girl, scratching her arms,
shuffling streets simply,
since she sees things,
somber, sadly split sections,
upon her invisible chest.
upset at something longed to lose,
a lifting wind upon her,
surely signaling, final call,
to give up demons for it all.
Continue reading...
185 · Dec 2021
clementine
charles Dec 2021
clementine
i can't let you go,

you're more home than a ***** room.

i stomach you more than my fears,

feeling like my friends are still here,

but when i wake, they don't reappear.

you're my anxiety in the morning,

and my depression at night,

you're my hero when it's too late.

I love you,

even though you're just a thing.

but you took all i loved,

then you made it okay.
Continue reading...
185 · Mar 2022
summoner
charles Mar 2022
summoner
summoned by denial,

replaced by a tree with initials,

sun dials drying in the wind,

seeking a midnight sin,

are your arms made of love?

or do they spin constantly,

like a slow-growing currency?
Continue reading...
184 · Jul 2019
there is something in this room
charles Jul 2019
there is something in this room
your eyes were a riverbed,
my hands like a branch.
my voice was a hummingbird,
thoughts in quicksand.
the waves carried everything,
moved by the moon,
there's a light in my hand,
and it glows in this room.
Continue reading...
183 · Jan 2019
eyes in a storm
charles Jan 2019
eyes in a storm
all those words,
on facebook,
that don't matter anymore.
it's actually kind of funny now,
not to fall for the eye,
and forgetting the storm.
Continue reading...
182 · Jul 2019
post traumatic
charles Jul 2019
post traumatic
you put me to sleep,
wrapped in last words and lies.
kept your cowardice from my eyes.
then i woke up alone,
you had torn me apart,
kept my throat from its scream,
felt too numb for a meaning.

i put you to sleep,
trembling hands held you close,
i loved what loved me,
but you loved me the most.
Continue reading...
182 · May 2019
firstsight
charles May 2019
firstsight
to find your eyes,
among the aisles,
pulling out my inner child.
playing just to know your name,
the clock hand starts to stay the same,
loving while i'm living lost,
remembering the things i tossed,
i hope these things, it doesn't cost.
Continue reading...
181 · May 2019
admission
charles May 2019
admission
of all the things that ever hurt,
loving you was always worse.
Continue reading...
181 · Oct 2018
i used to be someone
charles Oct 2018
i used to be someone
When thoughts were just thoughts,
Not shackles of the mind,
When substance was sinful,
Not shortcuts through life.
When love was a feeling,
Not a goal to achieve,
When your presence was peaceful,
Not a name lost in steam.
It's not trust that I lack,
Or a fault in your words,
Not the past that I fear,
Or the fear that it stirs.
It's the way that I love,
To the people I hurt,
It's the closet of guilt,
All the things undeserved.
Continue reading...
181 · Apr 2023
only time let me get over you
charles Apr 2023
only time let me get over you
when you left,

you were:

the sock in my drawers,

the bed on my face,

the moon hung at night,

the end of my life.

the seconds and minutes and hours and days.
all the weeks and the months when the years felt like days.

and the nights all alone.

the substances used,

the cold life i accrued,

only time let me get over you.

every hill on my back,

but i won't forget who.
Continue reading...
180 · Aug 2022
falling falling falling
charles Aug 2022
falling falling falling
i'll be fine when it rains,

where im comfortably numb,

not believably drunk.

im without thrill in my stomach,

im not made of too much,

my twenties were rushed.

hurrying to the same horizon.
Continue reading...
179 · Apr 2022
tattoo
charles Apr 2022
tattoo
all these words on my skin,

like they mean a **** thing,

nothing changed;

you're still that thing in your skin.
Continue reading...
179 · Nov 2018
waste me away
charles Nov 2018
waste me away
waste me away,
i'm away when you think,
i can't stay when i drink,
i see shadows and freak,
out when love is too deep,
i black out just to sleep,
but my soul you can keep.
both my parents, they weep,
haven't called in six weeks.
but im gone when i drink,
i love you when i drink,
not myself when i drink,
where's my life when i drink,
where's my heart when i drink,
i'm so sorry i drink.
Continue reading...
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