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254 · May 2021
seventy times seven
charles May 2021
i can never say sorry,

or see your soul trembling,

dying not to meet my eyes.

no goodbyes on another side,

without closure after all the time.
254 · Jul 2019
purpose in trees
charles Jul 2019
cant wait to let this edge go,
the promise in my eyes,
i swear to God I've tried,
all the water turned to wine,
i drank it all to lose some time,
not quick enough to dull the shine.
i wish that i was never yours,
cause never was i ever mine.
charles Jun 2019
gripped face,
wet hands,
sun breaks,
you stand.

falling down again.
charles Dec 2019
stars aligned,
two broken plates,
i fell in love with every shade,
covered in redundant white,
i held each piece,
and pledged my life.

addicted to the darkest night,
cured my soul with selfish lies,
breathing for a burst of time,
burning till the day i die.
245 · Aug 2019
still around
charles Aug 2019
you loved while you lost,
you laughed and you smiled,
while under a knife,
too drunk just to drive,
you fought 'one more time's.
the bottom is there,
but wind in your hair,
you're falling but honest,
your words they still hear.
your breath is a blessing,
and beautifully here.
you're broken but bound,
always carried by sound,
your loved ones are proud,
that you're still around.
235 · Nov 2018
a god named anxiety
charles Nov 2018
He quickens my breath,
He raises my stress,
comforts my demons,
and abandons the rest.
230 · Aug 2019
winter sounds
charles Aug 2019
the crunch of a newborn day.
the sound of you having your way.
the quiet of past gone away.
blackest nights,
while i wished you would stay.
icy fog while i drove into work.
christmas lights,
and discovering your worth.
not again,
as you said in cupped mouth.
truest feelings,
frozen cold,
and left out.
230 · May 2021
death of a medium
charles May 2021
words are not cages for demons.

all the pain you don't write,

is the reason you do.

the real help in your room is you.
229 · Apr 2022
in the dark
charles Apr 2022
where you can't reach me,

empty werewolves come to eat me,

drinking where i should be breathing,

darkness, where you cannot reach me.
228 · Sep 2021
twenty-eight year old fire
charles Sep 2021
none know where it came,

and none will know that it left,

twenty-eight year old fire,

will blow its last amount of life.

it will bellow and cry,

craving shadows to fight,

finds nothing more than a starry sky.

shocked that stars still exist,

in such a mental abyss,

it will chase the things it missed.
228 · Jun 2022
progress
charles Jun 2022
lies divide the love from my life,

but i can't hide my mind anymore,

leaving tangled sheets behind a door,

but i can't adore what i have left.

without alcohol on my breath.
227 · Jan 1
new year's eve
charles Jan 1
to be loved is inevitable,

to stay sober is learned,

to hold both is a blessing,

but a lesson well earned.
This is for those who live with addiction. You're not alone. You're loved and you're thought of. Happy several New Years for you ❤️
227 · Dec 2018
down the blue
charles Dec 2018
trapped in the lines,
the adjectives kind,
please paint me more time,
not a fan of the earth,
but i live for its crime.
kept simple and secret,
and lives on regret,
they're threading my steps,
made a beeline to death.
the truth in our breaths.
simply mournful and sorrow,
i pray for tomorrow,
your carried love,
revealed it was borrowed.
i know im alright,
but i lay down the blue,
just to give you a fright.
224 · Jun 2019
devils and shoulders
charles Jun 2019
a devil on shoulders,
careless and older,
infamously colder,
than ice on a boulder.
and so, i'm ashamed,
the things i can't say,
but when they are spoken,
they're given a name.
223 · May 2021
child of mine
charles May 2021
if the sky falls,

I'll watch the clouds fall with you.

see what the sun turns into,

wait for the moon to rise too.

but no season could sever me,

no winter would tear me from you,

i know not who you are,

but my child to come too soon.
223 · Mar 2022
barsmoke
charles Mar 2022
too troubled to be left alone,

too drunk to walk back home,

crossing your mind,

every once in a blue moon.

or maybe not at all,

not this empty room,

smiling left and right like a fool,

every single moon,

foolishly think of you,

pushing more into the ground,

forgetting and keeping me around.
221 · Jul 2019
write
charles Jul 2019
wouldn't trade all this fire,
for a second of breath.
all the heart in my words,
will outlive my own death.
220 · Nov 2021
if
charles Nov 2021
if
making mistakes a second time,

could I still see your life,

in the palm of some hands,

would it appear, silver plates?

or some love you acquired,

within cheaters and liars..?

did you know, i admire,

all the ways you aren't here,

or the ways i admire,

what once represents,

all the ways you're desired.
220 · Jun 2019
soulmates
charles Jun 2019
we all have that thought,
of the person we're not,
so socially taught,
to not leave what you caught.

but it all disappears,
when you build up the care,
as you look in their eyes,
and you feel all their fear.

so i'm holding my breath,
because time is a test,
and I'm used to the ruse,
losing face isnt new.

but if love was a lie,
then you could be true,
but knowing myself,
i could fall for you too.
220 · Oct 2018
so
charles Oct 2018
so
so send me flowers when I'm away,
a day with you, a perfect stay.
the simple laugh, and all the play,
remember all the things i meant to say:
Love the soul and disarray,
see the sun and then the shade,
i'm all types of not okay,
learn to love all of this grey.
219 · Feb 14
paper straws
charles Feb 14
where lies the promise of love,

where do i abide,

another part of it that held,

where can I become another,

lie, obliged to just another time,

in which I was another time.
218 · Nov 2018
fall
charles Nov 2018
sometimes im not scared of the drop,
most days it's all that i want.
i swear i dont want,
to tear you apart,
but it's all that i've felt,
so why should it stop?
217 · Jun 2019
eulogy for a living friend
charles Jun 2019
your blood was my own,
excluding your hair.
a simple exchange,
of our words, subtle care.
i feel far apart,
in my room i remain,
remembering memories,
writing in shame.
your rock on my back,
on a mountain to climb.
missing the company,
washed from our lives.
217 · Mar 2022
shattered
charles Mar 2022
break my heart,

before i break yours first.

i can live without you,

but not after all the words.
215 · May 2019
the end
charles May 2019
carried to the roof,
night skies showing proof,
i loved you, always loving you.
your loving hand I couldn't use.
an offer that i refused.
my drinking, nothing,
nothing new.
forged a feeling to feel true.
falling forward into you,
was all I ever meant to do.
meet me underneath the moon.
there I lie,
and lack the truth.
214 · Jun 2022
the day i drank alcohol
charles Jun 2022
trauma unprocessed all my life,

undiscovered until twenty-nine,

writing strangers, they don't mind.

losing loved ones that aren't mine,

lying was my first mistake,

trying,

fail abysmally.

slip apart, the years will fall,

my mind then said,

there's happiness in alcohol.
213 · Nov 2018
the misery
charles Nov 2018
the love we carried in our pair,
soon, we left what wasn't there,
another love, we never dared,
the misery was all we shared,
i died to say the things i feared,
now pain is all i ever hear.
charles Feb 2023
the amount of times i cried,

and you could not hold me.

the amount of times i cried,

and could not hold myself.

the amount of times i cried,

and could not hold myself together.

the amount of times i cried,

and could not hold you.
212 · Jun 2019
June
charles Jun 2019
i love all our smiles,
when we think the same thing.
keeping tradition,
and staying the same.
leaving our loved ones,
to feel a bit sane.
you're the flower in bloom,
and my soul is the rain.
211 · May 2019
before i sleep
charles May 2019
before i sleep,
i hope you're there.
sing the feelings disappeared.
sobered up to face my fears.
loving you,
will always scare.
208 · Jan 2019
streetlights
charles Jan 2019
wet pavement,
***** green towers,
from green lights,
an alternative universe,
spread across the man-made.
all the tiny, sorted puddles,
blinking at the stars,
a sort of quiet protest,
promise nothing,
offer everything.
206 · Sep 2022
three years of work
charles Sep 2022
melatonin on my breath,

worming through weaknesses,

thinking, holding onto my knees.

turning thoughts into breathing;

alcohol on my breath,

shaking through shifts,

seamlessly drinking under stars.

glass bottles clip my top two teeth.
205 · Jan 2023
bodyparts
charles Jan 2023
my thumb extended to a goddless sky,

while i smile to let go,

of such things that aren't mine,

but that once made me my home.

my heart, as it's spent,

will remain in a jar,

to preserve what it was,

but it's distance was far.

a blue sky at it's end,

becomes beautiful within,

quietly calloused, cautiously kept,

raining only for friends.
204 · Mar 2019
mind on fire
charles Mar 2019
my mind is on fire,
my soul such a liar,
both dress up my hopes,
indifferent attire,
the eyelids wide open,
my pupils are cold,
a scent of scorched dreams,
slowly drenching my nose.
I'm a world where its yes,
And all yesses mean no.
but the no's share a secret,
that nobody knows.
and my loved ones are helpless,
like a picture in frame,
for they all say the same **** thing:

'I'm sorry,

so sorry,

that you're terribly insane'.
204 · May 2019
you on the cloud
charles May 2019
arrived on the wind,
weathered and bent,
loved my attention,
covered in sin.
guessed my intention,
called me a friend.
left me in shambles,
never again.
i wanted your company,
coped with your loss.
i left you alone,
my feelings were tossed.
203 · Jun 2021
10 31 19
charles Jun 2021
drunk driving

broken furniture

bad relationships

friends i really miss.

knives in my arms

and my face.

more importantly the things i dont say

the way i drink

deteriorating my brain

i wish i still wanted to stay.
202 · Jul 2019
sober for you
charles Jul 2019
you snuck your kiss inside my life,
my mouth was numb, but now alive.
a bottled poison pressed my lips,
but none amount a single kiss.
I'd put it down if you had asked,
i'd trade our future for my past.
202 · Dec 2021
of lovers long past
charles Dec 2021
a broken violin inside my eyes,

only once you shed a tear,

my whole soul,

raining down for years.

can't stop what i can't control.

can't let you go at all,

but i try, like a broken fool.

my life knows nothing but your arms,

each day, i wonder what they were,

but im certain they weren't her.
201 · Oct 2018
tear
charles Oct 2018
tear in me, so terrifying,
tantalize then tranquilize,
terrible, too many lies,
tamed the truth,
the day i died.
200 · Jul 2021
cut
charles Jul 2021
cut
i couldn't explain if i tried,

sometimes it's at fourteen,

or for a life time,

running out of places to hide.

when i said i was alright,

i was not,

every time.
199 · Nov 2019
refuse
charles Nov 2019
terrified in an empty room,
i say your name,
you refuse to soothe,
all my sins,
but my love is true.
i grab my arms,
and pretend its you.
199 · Dec 2021
the woodcutter
charles Dec 2021
how long can an ocean be,

or a sky seen by eyes;

every second spent alive.

lonely as the bottom of yours,

but what you read was never hers.

she lives beyond broken eyelids,

promised truth.

i outlive my sordid use.

second chances live in trees,

while the woodcut slowly becomes me
196 · Mar 2019
offensive silence
charles Mar 2019
i made my bed,
as it loved every word,
i never said.
i just wish that the world,
could too.
196 · Jul 2019
my left arm
charles Jul 2019
the first one was foolish,
and hastily drawn.
it felt like my darkest,
but time marked its dawn.  
for you, laid the rest,
while they screamed all my worth.
i wrapped them in lies,
while the next had its turn.
they stop and they stare,
while i fake my self-care.
but each mark is a truth,
that i fail to hear.
195 · Oct 2019
always
charles Oct 2019
i thought i wouldn't make the night.
all the times i loved before,
i turned into another lie.
and yes I'm drunk,
i'm dreaming in the daylight.
but i still can make my words rhyme.
i still can think of our time.
remember me in these lines.
and if i die, i hope you know,
i always tried.
193 · Jul 2019
geronimo
charles Jul 2019
i want to jump off,
be one with the ground.
i lose myself when you aren't around.
change me to a cloud,
i'll stay a while.
watch you from a bird's eye,
count the ways you breathe,
from a couple miles high.
I'll get sad and pour rain,
clear skies for your smile.
193 · Oct 2018
2014
charles Oct 2018
I knew you before your new friends ****** with you,
I knew you before you knew how to put yourself back together,
I knew you before I knew better.
Before you dyed your hair blonde,
Before it grew out long.
You left and you knew more things to make me less gone.
All I got was an email, said I made you strong.
Left the state to change my mind,
Lived in a bottle thinking tonight was my time,
Put it down just to write a better rhyme,
But my words refuse flow when every day is a grind.
Not even missing you, just wish I knew  truth from a lie.
Said i was a stepping stone to life, so why cant i find the happiness in mine?
Two years, dependence, a state line between us, its still hard to see the things that make me shine.
I guess its just something that i'm not meant to find,
Since everything in front of me is meant to leave behind.
192 · Jan 2019
forwarded
charles Jan 2019
i asked why it was so hard,
to find the bottom before the start,
to weather clouds before they part,
the blackest night behind the stars.
i followed paths with all my heart,
just to recreate the same old scars.
191 · May 2022
bleach (and other mistakes)
charles May 2022
endorphins rush to my head,

I'd rather think of you instead,

quiet nights, holding your hand,

but it's now, and im full of bleach,

nothing absent time couldn't teach.
190 · Sep 2019
happy endings on a horizon
charles Sep 2019
i don't recall,
the words i wrote on here.
it all was built,
on drinking,
and a little fear.

but you,
your words,
i want to know.
so wake me in a morning's glow.
don't let me down,
or let me go.

i know it's cheap,
but let me keep,
the things that help my sanity.
i know i'll quit,
i told you so.
some things work out,
and some just don't.
but you're that angel in the snow,
that dying, fleeting hope,
i pray each night to hold.
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