if i could be in bloom,

for you,

for just a second,

instead of soon.

besides a spinning room.

my choice would always be you.

i saw a street sign you hung onto,

i saw a smile you used to give,

before you stopped giving,

a flawless time i never saw.

i saw my life in ribbons,

when my drinking raced,

to the one you didnt exist.

I'd give anything to reinvent this.

a second chance,

you shouldnt give.

i wish you were proud,

in line,

i see each soul,

that never turned around.

I've melted into the ground,

i feel some things that keep me loud.

god and alcohol arent allowed,

i pray my loss,

is something else i found.

leaning over a bed,

we made love in.

throwing my life into carpet.

trying to grow something dead.

once, i loved you instead,

turned your light into lead.

then all the alcohol went to my head.

losing everything,

until i was weak enough,

to call god instead.

but i dont know him,

like i knew you.

in a lifetime,

i'll learn to know you.

let me live or let me die,
i won't limit myself to six lines.
i can't hold it in,
though i tried,
just to spill my heart to stranger's eyes.

critics roll their eyes,

scared, they dont reply.

i don't live for likes,

all i do is write off my life.

like you could ever see,

the terrible ways i feel free.

one turns into three,

then my life turns into infinity.

strangers scream blessings,

my meaning, screaming streams,

helpless nightmares i see.

rhyme means nothing to me.

a soul no star would ever want,

finding comfort in the darkest light.

holding on to hopeful blight,

a carried sickness through the night.

but i'll always hold it like it's mine.

i was a fool to keep you here,

longer than you ever could have been.

i was a fool in sin.

something sparked something.

one day it wasn't you.

passing out to stay true,

i learned to love a different tune.

just too ******* tired of trying,

life made me a drunk, lover, and liar.

jesus gave me a mean smile,

but god set me aside.

words will never mend,

the things i lost,

the love i give.

addictions, how i give in.

shaking makes me less of a man.

can you see the white flag?

do you hang it on your wall?

does that make me someone after all?

once, i met a girl,

who wasn't you.

love is a strong word,

i'll never use.

but i used her.

i don't remember the rest.

crazy men bury words and thoughts,

create entire rooms.

cry in front of full moons.

i made it right,

without rhythm,

with some time.

i loved you when you were alive.

some night,

the stars aligned,

then tore you from my life.

i blamed the moon,

that lit your face each night.

shook fists that had no fight,

just an empty grip,

and a white light.

please turn the ceiling to stars,

paint my walls with art,

pulling pain from my heart.

turn the floor into doors,

to a better place from here.

fill my sink full of hope,

eyes sinking ecstasy in a phone screen,

but we'll never say what we mean.

I'll keep myself together for you,

just to fall apart in this room.

a white haven,

your covered chest.

wet arms,

wrestle what we can't relieve.

sacrifice ourselves,

for warm water.

wanting more.

our covered chests.

my phone explodes in my face.

safety escapes my petty ways.

scream the pretty things i wanna say.

pray some day,

i hear you say my name again.

traumatic thoughts, i feel insane.

but its just another day.

sweatpants and cold sweats.

sitting swiping social media.

sick but hungry,

ill yet not hungover.

seeing pretty things on a screen.

mood lights along a ceiling.

bright screen in front of me.

swallow drinks to feel anything.

missing friends but I'm sleeping.

wish mistakes into meaning.

best friends,
mid-twenties,
met our loving breath.
living just to lose what's left.

drinks replaced my self-respect,
but every moon, i can't regret.
traditions in the stones, they sit.
dreams that only beckon death.

written words i could have said,
wish i could have fixed your head,
miss you more than any friend,
forever loved,
my favorite mess.

a quiet fire split my stomach,

igniting weary weeds where,

you used to comfortably breathe.

made sure your soul was soot,

before you took your leave.

does it slowly bubble up,

like water over drains?

is it dawn upon a white-room wall?

will it sway like our legs,

in a dying day?

a loving word,

lifting curses from a loved one's lips?

is it backroad watered dirt,

under a moonless night,

revived by the morning light.

a chipped tooth,

in another drunken fight.

or the thought to lose that loving sigh.

that treat such broken men kindly.

i wish i knew where you were,

the kind of love that hurts,

every night knowing im not yours.

every thought, just a curse.

watch you fade away as time turns.

every loved thing about you burns.

carry you in a heart-shaped urn.

forever mine,

but never yours.

moody, chilly april nights.

months away from our favorite lights.

i put them out one at a time,

patiently i write these lines,

painful, I refuse to cry.

soul-searching for a better lie.

say hi to me,
through tidal waves,
rolling, washing over feet.

raise the dead,
in your broken stead,
i swear i'll bring some comfort,
to your head.

break me too,
i can lose with you,
the two of us can take the moon.

no one else,
i'll meet you there,
just promise me that you still care.

tell me to stop,

like i promised i would.

i love you, i swear,

well, as much as i could.

you mean the whole world,

could you give me some space?

I've got some emotions,

and twelve buddies to chase.

this mirror is *****,

havent looked in a while,

if i glanced at it now,

all i'd see is your smile.

so calm all your demons,

swallow what hurts,

cause your life is a watch,

while your body just turns.

the sun scratches your back,

the moon cools your face.

here i am,

in a sea of doubt,

you are all i have learned,

to live with out.

a lover's pledge,

that we pretend not to doubt.

quiet words we can't quite shout,

but it makes our hearts loud.

what is love,

but another broken crown?

i called you at a gas station,

running from feelings and friends,

so selfless but as scary as demons,

choosing shaking over reason.

may you feel a blessing in your chest.

may you feel more than my best.

may you pass every painful test.

may you heal every mess.

may you live longer than guessed.

i drank until i saw the sky,

saw through all my **** lies.

saw the love of my life.

god, i get so sad all the time.

timid, like my heart,

it always lies.

sad and just a little shy.

i just want to write,

pretend the sun can shine.

her thoughts are always on my mind.

your soul, i hope, I'm soon to find.

your thoughts are always on my mind.

be bold as a flame,

I'll never see you again,

but I'll love you in a flicker.

like a moment i couldn't trick,

but you're my favorite,

among such unknown company.

but its there,

like you're not,

I'll spend eternity unraveling,

this knot.

i left you on a windowsill,
a better future, you could sell,
couldn't see it, pray ye tell,
repeating words into my hell.
wished some hope would come along,
materialized into your song:
'stop your drink and become strong',
oblivion was all I saw.
sorry that i never heard,
tested hearts i always feared,
said the things i wished you'd hear,
but love was never quite so near.

nothing's beautiful anymore,

just a way to pass the time.

choking over broken sinks,

singing your name in a bad dream.

happiness is just across the street,

so why do i want to walk into traffic?

please stop.

come back.

i hate myself.

i don't care.

i tried to **** myself.

i wish i knew myself.

i'm scared.

i'm not alright.

*******.

god, don't leave me.

the day i die,

i hope you wake,

you'll swim inside a perfect day,

the type of love i dreamed to make,

while someone else takes your name.

distract me from the stars,

sharpie the moon,

bury my soul inside this room.

the sheets are gone,

you would cringe at the floor,

i could count on both hands,

each time i have opened my door.

infinite are the slowest moments,

that i wish i was still yours.

am i still on your mind?

or just a shiver in your spine,

a stubborn cold coming for your life.

am i just another line in this rhyme,

that evaded your caring eyes.

would you believe it if i told you,

that i dont quite mind,

when i'll lose it all in time,

one day, wherever,

i'll wake up,

without this headache of mine.

my baby loves the moon,

eyes drowned in white,

while she slowly swoons.

i still hold it in my room.

my lover used to sing in tune.

chipping at her soft cocoon.

held her in the highest noon,

carried to the ground too soon.

widowed, once i played a fool.

ran her right down the spool.

loss is learning something new,

but nothing beats an 'i love you'

killed you,
just for someone else.
left to feel nothing else.
leap until you're someone else.
time that made me someone else.
drinks erase just how i felt.
poetry is nothing else.
happy with the way i melt,
addicted and I'm nothing else.

you bought me things,
you dressed up nice.
all i needed was your smile.
hold your hand,
hope you felt you were enough.

i slept on floors,
dreaming you would come back home.
you never did,
you never know.

i'd live a hundred lives,
just to see your eyes,
just a glimpse,
just one time.

fools follow pipe dreams,
but ill see you in the end,
maybe now, maybe then,
we'll start over again.

how to fall in love with a stranger,

how to put my life in danger.

how to fist fight my neighbor,

to save my whole life for later.

to turn days,

into days I dont remember.

to turn four walls,

into things i don't want to remember.

how to love someone,

and never forget her.

i see what you dont see anymore,

all i know is the floor.

bury me and take a little more.

sell the things i adored.

married to a pretty floor.

cold window panes,

pressed across my face,

facing demons,

how they break the warm feelings,

with such hatred, without meaning,

i'm mindful, it's fleeting,

i'm falling, but it's freeing.

last lines on fridays nights,
fake a broken arm for more time.
white shirts and stupid rhymes.
these broken thoughts are so sublime.

i never meant my horrid thoughts,

to stain your outer thighs.

you took the stars,

you took your eyes.

no less, alike the heaven's sky.

so heavy, is that cloudy lie.

simple, still await an angel sigh.

my eyes are blind,

while the foam reach my knees.

I'm cursed from the thought,

that my eyes couldn't see,

another time i couldnt be.

said i would've said one more,

just to feel the breeze.

such millennial grief,

yet i cant forget what it means:

a good morning or good night,

another song you want me to sing,

the words 'here' at my doorstep,

simple moments that i cant forget.

'have a good day's' at work.

or you asking for a shirt.

but i sure miss you when i hurt.

the sun'll be higher than the moon,

my heart'll still be a monsoon,

but i'll promise myself,

i still love you.

companions over cups of coffee,
kept compassions from ourselves,
quiet words we tossed,
into a mutual hell.

i wish i knew you,
feeling left alone,
my life is like a traffic cone,
you leave, and now I'm all alone.
I'll see you when the sun snows.

worth the words,
I made my own.
so i make,
my words alone.

a leader dropped bombs on the world,

when i fell out of love with you.

not for that, but,

because all the times you had left,

i consoled myself with laughter,

after loving aftermaths,

a fair chance, that left you mad,

but im still sipping shores.

whatever fits me back to square one.