last lines on fridays nights,
fake a broken arm for more time.
white shirts and stupid rhymes.
these broken thoughts are so sublime.

i'd hold you,
if i weren't on fire.
love you if i weren't a liar.
kiss you if i was a little kinder,
to myself,
to my friends,
to my mom and my family.

walking in emergency rooms,
just to walk in circles alone,
doctors,
saying nothing's wrong with you.

driving home,
calling strangers on phones,
just to feel less alone,
know I'll drink to my death,
but no one will know.

all i want is to see you again,
hope you watch me ascend,
and i miss all my friends,
all these words are dead ends,
just to get you to love me again.

i set my soul on fire,
to see a little better at night.
but the sight of you,
would tear me down,
break a winter's worth,
of drinking just to drown.

say hi to me,
through tidal waves,
rolling, washing over feet.

raise the dead,
in your broken stead,
i swear i'll bring some comfort,
to your head.

break me too,
i can lose with you,
the two of us can take the moon.

no one else,
i'll meet you there,
just promise me that you still care.

your hair is the wind,
your heart is the moon,
silent and stolen,
footsteps that swoon.

i still hope that i can see you soon.

slowly learning to lose.
reaching for your cocoon.
drinking, seemingly to soothe,
swollen tears in this mood.

foolish words in this tomb,
ones you never knew.
loving you,
every grain in your dune.

and our words were impromtu.

grasping for a feeling true.

our phones explode,
souls implode,
searching for meaning,
refusing to know.

the sleep i sold,
to see you.

dreams i had,
to hold you.

things i thought to feel true.

pain i held to learn you.

death i found to feel you.

heaven never comes true.

know i'll never see you,

know i really loved you.

know i

the day i die,

i hope you wake,

you'll swim inside a perfect day,

the type of love i dreamed to make,

while someone else takes your name.

stars aligned,
two broken plates,
i fell in love with every shade,
covered in redundant white,
i held each piece,
and pledged my life.

addicted to the darkest night,
cured my soul with selfish lies,
breathing for a burst of time,
burning till the day i die.

my birth won't compare to ours,
we drank, we saw enlightened stars,
i felt our souls,
our locking arms.

and now i don't know what you are.

that day i found you unfaithful,
the night i tried to be hateful.
the time i drove away,
just to force myself to stay.

that night, driving miles,
just to swim in your eyes,
lying to myself,
and losing mine.

i miss the nights

the moon was bright

enough to light your face.

where stars would fail

to compete with your eyes.

but it was comforting

to watch them try.

the many moons,
you failed to see with me,
the suns, their rises,
compromise a single second with you.
the drunken nights,
we spent so bright,
blending in undying time.
your hair and wind,
ending in a rhythmic sin,
that never meant to end.

but it did.

coldest winter,
wrapped in your clothing.
my arms are sore,
my eyes are wet.

each mile taken,
her smile beckons,
but i can never see her cry,
over losing me.

stay in bed all day,
i know you'll be okay,
as long as you can say,
'I'll be okay',
you know you wont,
but that's okay,
you'll stay in bed,
all day today.

some day i'll fall away,
you'll have your space,
you'll have your way,
you'll be okay.
you stayed the same,
the day i fell away.

your hair in wind,
the quiet friend,
our broken trends,
we sat on steps,
with book ends.

i was just as scared as you,
ready, willing, played the fool,
i loved you too,
i said it first,
i swear it's true.
but where were you.

broken mind,
isnt mine,
drunken kind,
buried lie,
shortened time,
shaky eyes,
******* crime,
who am i,
idolized,
you were mine,
loving eyes,
agonize,
memorize,
place in time,
love you, i.
justified,
draw a line,
still i break,
i'll be fine.

carry me to greener pastures,
comfort me like lying pastors,
perforate the broken parts,
make it easy, tear apart,
the things you loved,
let me restart.
words you said,
have stained my heart.

a dying lamb,
the demon's mouth,
express myself,
with manic words,
and broken sounds.

i shouldn't have said a word to you,
my eyes are blurry,
married you,
instrusive to reality.
i made you mine like others do.
you werent mine.
im loving you in seconds,
that i cant prove.
you pull away like the sky is blue
bleeding red like an open wound.
i love you like a broken youth.

too lost to call me yours,
my soul has sunken to the earth,
wide awake, my wheels turn.
with nicotine and alcohol,
without the two, i'll surely fall.
sobriety was idolized,
i made a life composed of lies,
of hard goodbyes,
and 'i'll be fines'.

october holds my soul,
i'll never be sober,
growing older and older,
dont let me shake alone,
i shouldnt have,
i know, i know.

please be more than words on screen,
try to see a better side of things,
i wrote these words,
you wouldn't read.
in case you are,
your pedestal,
is next to me.
it's missing you,
when i can't breathe.
i wish you stayed,
i couldn't leave.

all those days i couldn't keep,
and every time you couldn't speak,
i still loved you, just like a fiend.
i held you more, without a means.
and yet i placed you in this scene:
I'm once a man, and now I'm mean.
i'm broken down without the means,
I'm trying, being, just to be,
and something else i hadn't seen.
i loved you, held onto your seams.
you pulled apart, and lost your sheen,
and still i loved you like a queen.

i shot the sky,
to play a God,
his fallen body arrived,
i climbed his height,
arrived where you still smiled.
you were waiting quite a while,
i apologized, and couldn't keep a lie.
i loved you with such hands as mine,
i tied to your life but i,
am not a god, but am i worth it,
in your eyes.
i hope you love me, just in time,
before i kind of drift away,
and lose your shine.
you see my lines,
i'll love you kindly,
lie awake, and every night,
your certain kind of sign,
that sells your soul to shrines,
but it could never justify,
the way you sway, the to and fro,
i lie when I'm alone,
i try to breathe when I'm at home,
you're more to me than, i don't know,
a certain something in the snow.
i picked you up, so proud to show,
those famous words i couldn't croak,
your skin was more,
than something that i couldn't tow.
just know i lined your eyes,
in thoughts i had in tow.
but thoughts are leaves,
and meant to blow.

terrified in an empty room,
i say your name,
you refuse to soothe,
all my sins,
but my love is true.
i grab my arms,
and pretend its you.

hold your hands to a fire,
that you can't pull from.
paint them red,
and call it love.

twist your neck in the cage,
where you once felt free.
as you float towards the moon,
you claw at the trees.

heaven hides,
but she's calling me.

i turned you into light,
i turned you into time,
i turned you to the sky,
I threw you to the ground,
i turned my life around.
i was lost until I found

you

you're the pills on my counter,
you're the smoke in my lungs,
you're the drink on my lips,
on my shirt, on the floor.
you're a knock on my door.
you're the fear in my heart,
the day I cant start,
we're an ocean apart,
i still love who you are,
i see hope in the stars.

i thought i wouldn't make the night.
all the times i loved before,
i turned into another lie.
and yes I'm drunk,
i'm dreaming in the daylight.
but i still can make my words rhyme.
i still can think of our time.
remember me in these lines.
and if i die, i hope you know,
i always tried.

i used to love my room,
i used to love my brother,
and once abused by my own mother,
i held it in, i'm just another:
man of mental illness,
man of mucho illness,
hispanic boy that They left.
i drank so that i felt less,
i kept all things in my chest.
you knew me once at my best.
i broke you, now you know the rest.

God, i hope i passed the test.

collapsed, the floor i slowly met,
my father's gun in hidden mesh.
fourteen, was when i wanted death.
i bled while family members slept.
i prayed to god for something else,
those words that i could never tell.
i'm twenty-six, i wished them well.
at least that's what i told myself.

and then i tried to get some help.

the moment that it touched my lips,
my body breathes and starts to shake.
i drank so that i wouldn't shake.
i break each thing that i create.
the things i love, they learn to hate.
the words i mean, i never say.
the words i say to make you stay.
i'll never change a single thing.
i'll never hold that halo ring.
i'll always feel that bitter sting.
i always felt that you were me.
i threw a rope into that tree.
i jumped to see if i believed.
i saw my knees begin to swing,
in death i found i wasn't free.

and then i woke,
i tried to breathe.

i see your smile in dog eyes,
i hear your laugh in jokes i try.
i feel your soul besides my bed.
i try to breathe inside my head.
just take my life, it's yours to keep.
you're married to the time i sleep.
i'm reaching out, without your reach.
i hang on ledges screaming 'leap'.
my tangled thoughts of loving you,
i trade my fantasy for truth,
i change my loss for loving you.
i wish our love was deja vu,
each time you leave,
I'm loving you.

for a second i forget,
amending all of my regret.
upset that we would never make,
that dallas trip, we won't attempt.
i wish that i could know myself,
i wish my family knew,
how hard it is for me to breathe.
i wish i woke and wasn't me.
i wish you knew how much,
i wasn't me.
our love was my attempt to try,
but in the end i lived a lie.
i loved you more than my own life.
each breath i take, I'm not alive.
i prayed to god with nothing left.
he told me 'take a drink then drive'.
my friends say hey, I don't reply.
i struggle just to get a job in time.
i sit on floors and fake sublime.
i breathe then break, i say I'm fine.
i wish that i could be more kind.

I could not explain my nights,
or all my mental fights,
and though i tried,
I nod my head,
avert your eyes.

just waiting for this thing to die.

with such words in my mouth,
in stead, written on walls.
ignoring every life call.
walk inside my sad room,
i swear there's some truth,
somewhere, obviously you.
i traded my death,
for that burning youth.
take it for granted,
and gradually tuned,
as it shapes in your hand,
all my cuts on my arm,
well, they tragically soothe.

write me, in your eyes.

tell me i can be good again.

promise death is not the end.

to live and love for all my friends.

don't let those fleeting moments,

fly for too long

i don't recall,
the words i wrote on here.
it all was built,
on drinking,
and a little fear.

but you,
your words,
i want to know.
so wake me in a morning's glow.
don't let me down,
or let me go.

i know it's cheap,
but let me keep,
the things that help my sanity.
i know i'll quit,
i told you so.
some things work out,
and some just don't.
but you're that angel in the snow,
that dying, fleeting hope,
i pray each night to hold.

i saw your worried face,
so full of things we couldn't say.
between my lines,
you find your name,
the perfect days,
don't stay the same.
i'm sorry,
took your love in vain.

you made me insecure,
while you took what wasn't yours.
drunk driving, blurry turns,
all i used to be was yours.

never sober more than a week,
a single thought makes me weak,
day drinking in a one-room,
scaring friends, breaking walls,
wishing walls were you.

gave your body to someone else,
while i fought with myself,
seeking peace, tried to breathe,
all i needed was help.

all these thoughts, shouldn't dwell,
found myself in this hell,
said some words, couldn't tell,
loving honestly in that hotel.

i held hard to the glass,
holding on to my past,
left a bruise with my love,
knowing love wouldn't last.

an ocean shines like gold,
in sunlight like a fleeing thought,
feeling things the summer taught.
falling down like fading leaves,
pray the demons leaving me.
shot the stars, i couldn't miss,
i saw the lie in God's intent.

an addiction wrapped,
in timeless dates,
from the days that you stop,
to the moment you start.
all the words to yourself,
swollen full with such heart,
surrendered to demons,
never knew who you are.
all the trauma you hold,
just to feel the cold ground,
every voice that you made,
when you weren't around.
an apology with no reason,
your hand declared treason,
like all things i once lost,
watched my mood,
change like seasons.
said i wouldn't,
while i did,
hung on words that you said,
left my words for the dead,
just to keep you in my head.

i want to see you,
when the clouds arent there.
someone i hold so dear,
blessed by a natural fear.

i don't regret those goodbyes,
our intentions and loose ties,
its easier to believe,
your whole soul was a lie.

count the seconds,
felt like hours,
now I'm up,
eyes can open,
kept them closed,
soul i've broken,
slow escape from,
graves it woke in.

i was Everything,
that I promised,
i would never be.

the books never read,
all alone on a shelf.
your thoughts on my wall,
words i never could tell.
my bed was unmade,
while i enjoyed the floor,
all the love that you had,
muted knocks on my door.
every screen remained black,
like a story cut short,
scented shirts in my closet,
from a soul i adored.
every night spent in illness,
by the morning was cured.

how brave you are,
to hold that weight upon your back,
yet pretend it doesn't exist.
so fresh, your world,
you shut your eyes.
dreaming of a different life.
lose yourself to simple thoughts,
you worry wart,
perfection curved.
not good enough to see your worth.

down goes the world,
the only kind you ever knew,
skies felt grey,
in the truest of blue.
your mind was lost,
you dimmed all your fire,
you held to each thought,
as each one felt much lighter.
all things have collapsed,
your breath of relief,
the sky was now broken,
your words now unspoken.

i once saw things that weren't there,
but so apparent to you.
laid my belly on cool ground,
while ignoring the view.
a bruise was a bruise,
didn't care how it formed,
i laid listlessly in tact,
while my floor was destroyed.
i kept calm when i wasn't,
saved my voice for closed walls,
i walked miles through my thoughts,
without walking at all.
i wrote words with such meaning,
with my meaningless drink.
the higher the number,
the deeper i sank.
carved regrets in my arm,
that i once couldn't say,
turned my days to bad nights,
just to keep things the same.
i drove drunk late at night,
just to feel like a ghost.
never felt so alone,
as i crawled my way home.

i broke and i built,
and i gave you my all,
while you left me a dream,
that i could not recall.
though i loved when I could,
like your God always would,
don't you cry when its gone,
loved you just as I should.

you loved while you lost,
you laughed and you smiled,
while under a knife,
too drunk just to drive,
you fought 'one more time's.
the bottom is there,
but wind in your hair,
you're falling but honest,
your words they still hear.
your breath is a blessing,
and beautifully here.
you're broken but bound,
always carried by sound,
your loved ones are proud,
that you're still around.