seabound and sober,

stuck at the bottom,

through retching all the dizziness;

it was all to feel fine,

but i still wish i was fine.

when you Fall,

i'm the Jump,

hold on and let go,

you're better than none.

i don't mind that you left,

i don't mind where i am,

i just hate what i do,

to get over the end.

glorified and held high,

unachievable and cool,

quietly slipping corners,

chalkboard screech across screens,

I'm losing,

I'm alone,

helpless, healing on my own.

all i write is for you;

not for millions, but the few,

from safe shelter,

for your eyes,

sprinkled time while i grew.


all i needed was you,

nothing more, no one else,

once a lover, then a lout,

hugging corners of fire,

and calling it "hell".

we change for the people that we love,

even the unannounced, up above,

to carry spirits at heart,

in a burden weighed more than dirt.

to be loved after loss,

neither blessing nor curse,

only achieved through years of work.

i'm abandoned but competent,

uncontent in my trying,

and unfulfilled.

believe in my hands,

but never my ways,

carried on cardboard,

broken in concrete.

when you left,

you were:

the sock in my drawers,

the bed on my face,

the moon hung at night,

the end of my life.

the seconds and minutes and hours and days.
all the weeks and the months when the years felt like days.

and the nights all alone.

the substances used,

the cold life i accrued,

only time let me get over you.

every hill on my back,

but i won't forget who.