lies divide the love from my life,

but i can't hide my mind anymore,

leaving tangled sheets behind a door,

but i can't adore what i have left.

without alcohol on my breath.

trauma unprocessed all my life,

undiscovered until twenty-nine,

writing strangers, they don't mind.

losing loved ones that aren't mine,

lying was my first mistake,

trying,

fail abysmally.

slip apart, the years will fall,

my mind then said,

there's happiness in alcohol.

color me in,

leave me there,

let my conscious bloom,

and when you're around,

i promise to smile at you.

im sorry you [    ],

if i could [   ], I would [    ].

i swear I'll [    ],

I won't [   ] anymore.

Just [   ],

if you're [   ],

go to [    ].

I'm sorry, i  [     ].

though you hate the date,

i repeat the way i was every day,

even if i haven't changed much,

i still remember the love,

no matter what you think it was.

i was, and am, lost,

trading time for its cost,

a constant replay, i should move on.

too hard to hold,

too ill to let go,

my demons breathe anomalies,

that carry me from home.

my life began at twenty-one,

i was myself for twenty years,

now i struggle just to be here.

my life restarts at twenty-four,

my soul was held and long-ignored,

my friends were loved and so adored.

my life restarts at twenty-nine,

i live with what i left behind,

i tried to try and treat me kind,

a year ago i dropped the knife,

i struggle with a silent vice,

it keeps me warm, it holds me tight,

i give it all my darkest nights.