10,000 words i wrote for me,

each one, a moment feeling free,

but still i suffer mentally,

sold my conscious for a lot of drink,

suffered daily, '19,

a year my mind will never leave,

but happy days, they strive to be,

i pray the drinks are temporary.

sober life is frightening,

hate my life,

a soul i can't carry,

instead i wrote these words,

so an angel could hear me.

nothing,

i'm fine,

i don't know,

i don't feel good,

i need to go,

i'm sorry,

i can't,

i need help.

like a dream,

you appeared, you weren't there,

you set fire to my brain,

for years you were just living here,

loving nothing but exit stairs.

arms cut to ribbons,

my soul kissed the ceiling,

the sun reappears,

without any feeling,

i'm closest to gone without leaving.

endorphins rush to my head,

I'd rather think of you instead,

quiet nights, holding your hand,

but it's now, and im full of bleach,

nothing absent time couldn't teach.

every tear on my bedsheet,

could replace a whole ocean,

i hope it retains the emotion,

of my world falling apart,

like a canvas without art,

or my fingers without splinters,

longest summers without winter,

all my love, just without her,

every thing, every where,

ended by a pair of scissors.

is not a drug,

but a dream kept afar,

i can't hold it with hands,

but i love when it's near.