still some feelings in my soul,

all those hands i used to hold,

the briefest moments made of gold.

charcoal when i lost it all.

there's some things in our eyes,

that we will never fix.

sweet taste in my mouth,

one i once hated,

nicotine in my chest.

warm feelings were never enough.

alcoholic breath,

such a thing i could never love.

yet i spoke in nightmares,

hoping that my friends would hear.

for a second i thought you meant it,

like you used to.

i thought you would stick around,

but you didn't.

wish i remembered,

the last time you said you loved me.

but i was too drunk.

a movie we would never finish,

lights were low, my soul was dim,

wrapped an arm around your waist,

such uncertainty within your face.

caressed it like i had for years.

i don't regret a single tear.

held you tight while you were mine.

now nothing's left but nine lines.

and maybe that's alright.

please stop.

come back.

i hate myself.

i don't care.

i tried to **** myself.

i wish i knew myself.

i'm scared.

i'm not alright.

*******.

god, don't leave me.

i wonder where you go,

drift away to the back of my mind.

carry my conscious,

making my lies.

pity my soul,

you won't write these lines.

i think about it all the time.

i have all that i need,

such a plan for my head,

all your words are just dreams,

where i wish i was dead.