terrified in an empty room,
i say your name,
you refuse to soothe,
all my sins,
but my love is true.
i grab my arms,
and pretend its you.

hold your hands to a fire,
that you can't pull from.
paint them red,
and call it love.

twist your neck in the cage,
where you once felt free.
as you float towards the moon,
you claw at the trees.

heaven hides,
but she's calling me.

i turned you into light,
i turned you into time,
i turned you to the sky,
I threw you to the ground,
i turned my life around.
i was lost until I found

you

you're the pills on my counter,
you're the smoke in my lungs,
you're the drink on my lips,
on my shirt, on the floor.
you're a knock on my door.
you're the fear in my heart,
the day I cant start,
we're an ocean apart,
i still love who you are,
i see hope in the stars.

i thought i wouldn't make the night.
all the times i loved before,
i turned into another lie.
and yes I'm drunk,
i'm dreaming in the daylight.
but i still can make my words rhyme.
i still can think of our time.
remember me in these lines.
and if i die, i hope you know,
i always tried.

i used to love my room,
i used to love my brother,
and once abused by my own mother,
i held it in, i'm just another:
man of mental illness,
man of mucho illness,
hispanic boy that They left.
i drank so that i felt less,
i kept all things in my chest.
you knew me once at my best.
i broke you, now you know the rest.

God, i hope i passed the test.

collapsed, the floor i slowly met,
my father's gun in hidden mesh.
fourteen, was when i wanted death.
i bled while family members slept.
i prayed to god for something else,
those words that i could never tell.
i'm twenty-six, i wished them well.
at least that's what i told myself.

and then i tried to get some help.

the moment that it touched my lips,
my body breathes and starts to shake.
i drank so that i wouldn't shake.
i break each thing that i create.
the things i love, they learn to hate.
the words i mean, i never say.
the words i say to make you stay.
i'll never change a single thing.
i'll never hold that halo ring.
i'll always feel that bitter sting.
i always felt that you were me.
i threw a rope into that tree.
i jumped to see if i believed.
i saw my knees begin to swing,
in death i found i wasn't free.

and then i woke,
i tried to breathe.