you found a future,
i helped you find.
you sawed my nerves,
i left to die,
but still alive
so, yes i try,
but not for you,
still feel your lies.

thoughts that i could never hone,
kept you close, a quiet home.
built on sand and love alone,
sinking while the sun shone.

curved eyes,
so constant.
constraining sadness,
i abide.
lift her chin,
a closet mist.
patrons pardon while she's his,
tangled torture met his sin.
belly met with gentle hands,
lower, where he met his kin,
questioned as to leave them in.
starved, an aftermath begins.
his soul brought forth,
his whole life within.

would you bury my best,
just to see if i breathe?
would you tear in my skin,
just to count all the seams?
am i all that you want,
all those sins that you need?
can i hold all your words,
just to show what they mean?

i wasn't part of it,
starting off glowing and clean,
you dug in my face,
just to call me a thing.
felt all your downfalls,
falling between,
filled all your cracks,
while i'm tortured by scenes.

the crunch of a newborn day.
the sound of you having your way.
the quiet of past gone away.
blackest nights,
while i wished you would stay.
icy fog while i drove into work.
christmas lights,
and discovering your worth.
not again,
as you said in cupped mouth.
truest feelings,
frozen cold,
and left out.

i saw your eyes,
over fork and knife,
wondering of your day's last light.
will it be your time,
or is it mine?
no son of yours,
would be so kind.
held glass, not hands,
for things i couldn't stand.
deprived of sleep,
to sift through sand.
i pray that nightmare doesnt come,
when i will be the only one,
a self-taught lie, now come undone.
the things you saw, i'll never see,
the better side inside of me,
who pawned your love,
for one more drink.

i need help.

broken shelf,
we refuse to repair.
i repeat the same pain,
she forgets all that fear.
we can love all we want,
what i need is myself.
broken glass on the wall,
all those family-missed calls.
hold my hand all you want,
you can't teach me to breathe,
i can't live with myself,
when the problem is me.