i need help.

broken shelf,
we refuse to repair.
i repeat the same pain,
she forgets all that fear.
we can love all we want,
what i need is myself.
broken glass on the wall,
all those family-missed calls.
hold my hand all you want,
you can't teach me to breathe,
i can't live with myself,
when the problem is me.

your flaws,
opened loud.
you would glow,
and once proud.
your dreams were like grass,
not so high in those clouds,
where you stare at me now,
while i'm bringing you down.

those sirens i hear,
that i choose to ignore.
every thought that cut deep
now i throw to the shore.
every sin that i knew,
won't appear anymore.
though my writing is worse,
i can walk through that door.
if i see you outside,
then I'm needless of more,
maybe drunk, but content,
though we're scarred, you're adored.

the seconds will fade,
while the minutes sneak by.
an hour so short,
blue to black, turns our sky.

the first one was foolish,
and hastily drawn.
it felt like my darkest,
but time marked its dawn.  
for you, laid the rest,
while they screamed all my worth.
i wrapped them in lies,
while the next had its turn.
they stop and they stare,
while i fake my self-care.
but each mark is a truth,
that i fail to hear.

six more,
i hate myself,
you, so adored,
so walk out that door.

never found,
never tried.
always ran from the things,
that were harming my life.
the light on that razor,
my skin opened wide.
its edge, a small child,
thought my curves were a slide.
then my therapist drinks,
while i pretend to cry.
all my ghosts disappear,
then appear right on time.