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charles May 2019
she was beautiful in wind,
loyalty to sin,
self in the friend,
needs of her,
were worthless to him.
when i die,
it wont matter again.
charles May 2019
i'll paint all your flaws,
in your favorite color,
so loving yourself,
is never a bother.
charles May 2019
so used to sounds of empty cans,
that echo, soundly, who i am.
the unobserved addiction serves,
absurdity to those deserved.
that sullen scene, of which I've earned,
the edge i'll jump,
instead I'll turn.
A note on alcoholism. I feel no fuller than an empty beer can. An addiction that I hide, unobserved, serves absurdity, pleasure, relief, a dream, to those who partake in its effects. Inevitably arriving at the point of suicide, of which I have earned, worked for, like an unconscious goal, I see the edge to jump off. But in my heart, strength, and hope, I turn around and walk away from it, towards recovery.
charles May 2019
of all the things that ever hurt,
loving you was always worse.
charles May 2019
carried to the roof,
night skies showing proof,
i loved you, always loving you.
your loving hand I couldn't use.
an offer that i refused.
my drinking, nothing,
nothing new.
forged a feeling to feel true.
falling forward into you,
was all I ever meant to do.
meet me underneath the moon.
there I lie,
and lack the truth.
charles May 2019
before i sleep,
i hope you're there.
sing the feelings disappeared.
sobered up to face my fears.
loving you,
will always scare.
charles May 2019
i loved you once,
but never lost.
learned to live oblivious,
pushed away, forgot the cost.
the beauty in my life i tossed.
living lifeless,
fed on loss.
simple, lonely,
albatross.
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