I hated you...
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Your cheerfulness,
It all makes me sick.
And yet we've became friends....

Slowly...
You coax me,
Into caring for you,
We've became friends...
But soon,
That all changed...

I saw a good you...
One who was nice,
One who cared,
One who was always there,
But then you left...
Where were you when I needed you the most?

I cried,
And cried.
My tears unseen.
I cry,
My cries.
Never to be heard.

I protected you,
I cared for you,
But your naiveness
Always take away your reason....

You get hurt,
But I pick you back up....
Why would I pick you back up?
I thought I hated you...

I was deceived...
You get broken,
I pick up the broken pieces,
Again and again.

You take the pieces back,
And still...broken...
And still like a fool
I pick them up,
Trying to fix them.

I cared too much...
I *hated you and yet I was there....
And so I left...

Tired of picking you up
Tired of fixing your broken you
Just to be broken again and again by your naiveness
Tired of being jealous of you
Tired of hating you
Tired of caring for you
Tired of being a fool
And most of all...
Tired of being a bad friend....

(inhale)

I've got a confession and an apology cause I'm really really sorry like a cat left out in the rain I feel all bedraggled but there's nothing I can do about it but baby I'm sorry

(deep breath)

I don't love you.

(sigh)

I just don't love you baby, I don't even like you that way and I feel bad cause I care for you and I don't want to see you hurt but I've got to do it cause like a splinter it'll hurt worse the longer I avoid it and it'll fester and smell and I got to rip it off now quick as I can like a band-aid

(gasp)

It came to me when we were walking that I didn't want to hold your hand in front of everyone and let them see and I'm sorry baby cause I know I been leading you on because I thought I liked you enough that it wouldn't matter but I think I only love your shoulder to sleep on and your coat to cosy up in and I guess I didn't like your lips enough

(gasp)

And you know I'm sorry for leading you on but I think it's not just my fault you see there was something off about you and I've been hearing things about you and her and I don't want to be just a hookup to you cause baby I'm just not like that I need a guy who can stand by me and not just for the weeks that we've known each other cause we're both gonna go home a thousand thousand leagues away might as well be on Pluto

(gasp)

I wish I could love you.
I wish I could hate you.
This in-between-ness is just- distasteful. 

(sigh)

I'm sorry.

(exhale)

Dreams are dark purple
  So lacking-light they're nearly black
  They are vibrantly ultraviolet
So thick one breathes them in
   You can taste them in your lungs
   Heady, intoxicating
A whirlpool of purple ideas in a turquoise sea
    Schools of merfolk glisten silver,                          
        flick through your sleep
        waltz in your mind

Dreams are luscious fruit
    Pomegranate seeds bursting in a spray
       Of bright red, like fireworks
       Just sweet enough not to pucker your lips
       Just sour enough not to curdle your tongue

Dreams are soft fabric
    Warm like cotton
     Smooth like silk
      Sensual like velvet
Blankets to cuddle and wrap up
    til just a nose is left peeking out
    eskimo kisses with snowy air

But always,
above all,
Dreams are seductive
   one must crawl out
   clawing at the waves
   Escaping up to lighter shades

Hitting air with a gasp.
A shock every morning.
Heart pounding pulse jumping

Every morning I must ask my self

Between the dark luscious soft seductive sea
And the cold rushing gasping heart attacking air


*Which is the dream?

when he's gone,
i told myself,
it'll be no different
than it is now.

when he's gone,
you'll miss him, yes,
but you didn't see
him much anyway.

his long, gray beard,
his reoccurring, rough laugh,
and his hilarious, yet silly jokes
resound in your head
over
    and over
        and over again.

even now, when his body
is only ashes,
you know that you were wrong;
you always were.

he looks at me
and then looks away,
straight into her eyes.
i wish she didn't sit between us.

i've never noticed it before,
but maybe when I thought
he was looking at me,
he was stopping one short.

the girl is pretty.
much prettier than i'll ever be.
she has blonde hair, which is always curled,
and sterling blue eyes.

she caught him looking at her once.
she smiled, and he smiled back.
i looked away,
i couldn't stop myself from crying.

no wonder he spends the whole period
looking
at
*her.