i don't write
to please anyone
i don't write
for attention
i don't write
for compliments
i don't write
to make anyone fall in love with me

i write
because i feel
i write
because i need to
i write
because my mind is too loud
i write
because my mouth is too quiet

someone asked me today what it's like to be a writer and i can tell you this,
my mind exploded into galaxies and i wondered if they could see the twinkling stars in my eyes.
first, i looked into their eyes and saw a black hole, complete and total darkness. so i answered simple to start out with
"it is often quite hard. but for me, it's a way of life."
they didn't quite get it i could see, and asked another question
"oh, is it hard because you get writer's block sometimes?"
i almost let the meteors fly out of my mouth so they would be hit and crushed with the raw fact that being a writer is much, much more complicated than that.
"well yes, that can happen. and when it does it is a crippling feeling. but, it is much more complicated than that. you see, us writers, we not only feel things, but we absorb things. we let things take us over, and once this happens, our hands start to produce words onto paper that come deep within our soul, heart, and mind."
they looked puzzled, but when i looked into their eyes i could see a faint star that was starting to shine. i smiled at this.
"like... what kinds of things?" they asked,
"oh my, it can be something as complicated as love, life, the universe, darkness, pain. but on the other hand, it can be something as simple as leaves on the trees, the ocean, an apple that you just ate for lunch. and sometimes, it is putting those two things together to create something wonderful." i said as the comets were shooting through my fingertips.
i looked again into their eyes, and i began to see a cluster of stars, and that's when i knew i had them.

that girl you see? with the big blue eyes?
she's in the middle of a war with herself.
she was known as the girl who went in her car everyday for lunch simply to write.
you see her?
she's the girl who holds a mask in front of her face
and if you were to look behind it
you would be shocked.
that girl, that girl loves .
she L O V E S.
and if she loves you
then ****, you have got to be something special.
that girl is the one with depression and anxiety.
who has dealt with things you wouldn't even imagine.
she's that girl with the love for life
despite the fact that life has tried to turn her dark and grey.
that girl shines
that girl shines colors you've never seen before.
that girl is the one who is messy and unorganized but it's okay with her.
she's the girl with an ordinary face, but an extraordinary heart.
she's that girl that will apologize for the mess after you rip her to shreds.
that girl has a strange love for bears and the outdoors.
and has dreamt of the mountains all of her life.
she's from the small town where she was being swallowed.
and trust?
trust is not something that girl can do easily.
she has walls so strong that you wouldn't believe.
with a never ending for stargazing
because it reminds her each night that there is beauty everywhere
even if it is hidden sometimes.

yeah. that girl.

Her
Sun
Stood alone
She watched his light flicker when
Mercury dipped Venus
Earth threw Mars in the air
Saturn spun Jupiter
And Uranus waltzed with Neptune
1
2
3
1
2
3



But
Pluto
Tapped her toes on her own
She watched her
Sun
Study Pluto’s taps
From 3.67 Billion miles away
And although they all danced
Her
Sun
Longed to hold
Pluto

when nobody is there
when nobody listens
a pencil and a piece of paper
or a keyboard and a computer screen
will be there
and listen
you can pour your heart out
or say how you feel
simply by writing down the words
that are trapped in your mind
and i cannot think of anything
lovelier than that

when someone leaves you, reinvent yourself.
redecorate your soul with reds and pinks this time, instead of blues and greens.
pull the tangled weeds he left in your crevices, and plant as many flowers as you can think of in their place.
hang beautiful lights and magnificent paintings in replacement of his stupid poster of his favorite band that you never even liked.
paint your mind with vibrant colors that make your heart beat quickly.
and remember to never, EVER let anyone take these things away from you.

do my words have meaning
and depth
and importance
to you?
or
are they just a combination
of different letters
put together

I finally have learned the difference between being used and being a good friend.

I am a paradox
I love flowers, but I am not the kind of girl that you give them to.
I come alive at night, yet I'm afraid of the dark.
I am a messy person, but I like for things to be clean.
I have much to say, and say nothing at all.
I feel the need to run far, but despise running.
I am easily hurt yet I won't let you close enough to do that.
I have a wild heart trapped in a cage.
I am full of love but I won't give it anymore.
I love blue eyes yet I fell for brown.
I miss you but I don't wish for you.
I prefer being alone yet I hate being lonely.
I am complicated but easy to figure out.
I am neon pink yet prefer navy.
I am full, but I am still not filled.

There was a boy named
Jack
In my class
Who took his life two weeks before
Graduation

Jack
Had a laugh that never sounded like
He was
Suicidal

A boy asked
Jack
To go fishing but
He said he had plans

He sent a message to five
Of his closest friends
And he called them
Family

One lived down the street
And they say he

sometimes
we all need to shatter our glass walls
so we can remake those walls into glass castles

i run from room to room
to the gas station
to school
to the store
to the mall
to my car
to the fields
to get away from
my feelings
and
you

but you and my feelings won't leave me alone
you both follow me wherever i go

i am going to have to run across the globe
for the rest of my life
to get away from my feelings
and
you