Even when I was there in your arms I knew it wouldn't last long,
I tallied the days and although melancholy knowing that it wouldn't last, I basked in each moment wishing for time to not exist.
I kept each moment like people collect snow globes or baseball cards.
I collect those moments with you, and put them in a box labeled life.
I slipped the rejection paper between the folds of the cardboard.
I was the only one at the funeral.

sometimes its strange to watch people in motion, going here and there,
watching them in their moment,
their life.
thoughts do wonder if they struggle like me.
I'm sure tho, because we are all human, and humans **** up, a lot.
so I guess I reassure myself as I stand and watch others move about me. A deadly disease being human, but a blessing as well. To the ones we miss and the ones we push away from our deadly human being self.

The time goes by, (bye)
But I am still here

Or maybe from another’s perspective, (yours)
I am still there. (ignorant,)

Whether I am just pondering (stuck)
lingering, or dreaming

The constant numbness (disassociation)
The intake and outtake on each breath

searches for you.

Most things will remain untouched
Un-awknologed

Let it remain captivating in its mystery
Perfect at its distance

What would you have to dream for if not?

let it stand like the ancient walls of Greece.
Let it remain history.

But at least douce it with flame
Because to you it will never look the same

Imagine your favorite thing, in front of you
You have had it before,  it's lovely still

Demise.


For the moment you reach for it
Take it in your hands

Whisper sweet love songs in its ear..
The taste is not the same.

It's burnt, black, crumbling In your hands
Mind and heart.

You try to pick it up piece by piece as gently as you can.
Build it back the way it was,
the way you remember.

But you can't.

You can't make what's dead love you,
or feel for you.  

Once it's been dead it remains in the pit of ash and dust.
But when your dead yourself,
you lay in the remains and try to find the comfort in lust