The warmth of the sun
The colors of the rainbow
The hope of a new day
Rushes through your veins

It’s quiet in the eye of the hurricane
Time stands still
The storm and winds can come
There’s nothing better than this moment

No words can express the wonder that you are
Unbroken, untouched by darkness
From this moment I knew
You’re my heart, beating, fervent and constant
You’re a breath of fresh air in my lungs
You’re my little piece of heaven

Nothing else seems to matter now
I will be with you in every step of the way
I will guide you, I will protect you
I will hold your hand, hold you close
I will make you fairy wings to fly
I will watch you run, I will catch you when you fall

I watch you sleep, peaceful in my arms
In a place where nightmares cannot touch you
Where love envelops you
Where all there is, is the warmth of the sun
You lead where you will, my love
And I will follow you…into the light

Phases of faces, captured moments and instances
I pass by, so swiftly, so fleetingly
Caught in the crossroads of paradigms and decisions
I stood paralyzed, terrified.

I meet intense eyes that bore through me, knowing me, knowing us
A smile as warm as the sun that has the power to melt me
Your presence is strong, comforting…strong, unsettling…strong, terrifying
You have me without even trying, you mesmerize me.

You bring me to my knees with a sigh,
you can crush me with a word.
You can bring me to bliss with a touch,
you can bring me to ecstasy with a kiss.

You command me with a whisper, I am drawn to you
You break down my china walls, one by one
You undress my layers of failed expectations
Of shattered dreams, and broken hearts

I stand before you, naked, vulnerable
I look away, not bearing for you to see
My helplessness, my hopelessness
All my imperfections, my fears, my desires.

You wipe my tears away, and kiss my bitterness away
And yet the fear descends on me…I’ve been here before
Fear of hurt, of betrayal, of disappointment
Fear that this is all an illusion…or perhaps just my delusion

And so I put on a smile, cool and composed
Hide behind my fast-paced life, run far away from you
Going so fast, so fast…so I won’t think, I won’t feel
Until I fall, exhausted, to sleep a dreamless sleep

I need the noise, the meaningless clanging
For in silence, the longing creeps in…
To be in your arms, just us and nothing else…
Nothing but warmth and the sound of our hearts beating.

So I welcome the numbness, welcome the pain
Punish myself for the choice I’ve made in my weakness
Someday I will find my happiness, someday I will find my strength
Somehow…I will find you again.

Shouting a hello to a dark and empty room,
Hearing my cry echo back to where I stand
Alone without friends in the space of my mind
Facing the harsh truth that my soul demands.

I look for sunshine even though I only see grey.
A level deep within takes pleasure in the despair
Of the vast empty sky, bereft of warmth and light.
Sitting here I loathe that which I feel I cannot repair.

Curled up on the bed, clutching the sides of a hollow body,
Wishing for comfort, for a companion to understand,
I know that I’ll be right here again tomorrow,
Even though there are some willing to lend a hand.

Because this darkness has become familiar,
Making it a comfortable, though destructive place.
I unleash the usual wealth of tears and hatred,
For frustration with who I am and who I’m not is a losing race.

Rubbing at the itchy tearstains on already-red cheeks,
I remind myself that I am not alone and that I am strong.
But I no longer wish to believe that for how can it be true,
When I’ve been crushed under this weight for so long?

Pain is a feeling, which is better than feeling nothing.
Crying for a faraway love, for feeling lost in my dreams,
Shattered under the expectations of others (and of myself),
Spiritless, with no motivation to sew the torn seams.

Ironic really, how this feeling can hurt so much,
Yet be craved with an incredibly forceful need.
Like an addiction, knowing that it is wrong,
But still I always choose the mind-numbing ****.

For it takes away the hard reality of life
Allowing an escape into a world surreal.
Because that seems better than the truth
Of a world that I can no longer feel.

i don’t have something to remember you by.

i think these past few months
would have been easier if
i’d had a sweatshirt of yours
to curl up into, even after too many washes
had drowned your scent.

but i think you loved me
too much
to let me indulge myself
in your ghost.

It’s horrible, you know.
Not having a home, I mean.
My feet want to grow roots, and just when they sprout, I have to rip them up
          And start the process over again.
The place of my childhood is not where I belong anymore
It is comfortable in an odd, other-worldy, dream-like sense.
The place I now sleep will be different tomorrow.
          I am a nomad, with no place to call my own.
          Sometimes I wish I didn’t desire a safe place to call mine.
Home is where the heart is, they say.
          My heart belongs to no one.
                    Not anymore, anyway.
I used to believe that I had given it away,
          But I hadn’t,
                         Or maybe it was thrown back at me
                                     I can’t seem to remember.
                                    But I still feel the pain, and I remember that I don’t want to remember.
                  But in my dreams I can recall it all.
                             They are like nightmares, reminding me that I don’t belong
                             And that running won’t save me.
I wish I had a home, a heart to call mine, friendships nearby,
           And a warm fire to bring life back to my weary bones.
But it’s raining now, and I need to find shelter.
So I’ve got to go,
I doubt I’ll return.
I won’t ask you to remember me,
Though I’ll remember the empty space that you might’ve once filled.

He said he’d come.
He promised he’d be the one.
And I believed him.

And here I sit alone,
Staring out at the gray sky
Thinking and wishing for him.

This is the first time,
The first time I've wanted to fight
For love.

I've waited for too long.
Hanging on to what they tell me
Are empty promises.

But I don’t believe them.
I believe him.
And I sit alone.

He’s the only one
Who steals my thoughts,
Who understands.

And I believe that he understands,
Even if they doubt him.
I trust him.

But time passes.
And I realize I cannot wait forever,
Even if I wanted to.

So the doubt finally begins to form.
Is this meant to be, or not?
I wonder as I sit alone.

I walk the world with thoughts of you
In every place I go
Your voice is on the winter wind
Your footprints in the snow
And every tool I try to use to scrape you from my mind
Cuts your name onto my tongue
And beats me till I'm blind
I layed my head upon your knees and breathed the air you breathed
I cut myself when you were cut to know just how you bleed
Now as I walk this empty earth with nothing but a face
To breathe me and to bleed me
Until I leave this place