I need to see rock bottom before I can get back up.

The worst thing I did with my relationship is protect his peace when I should’ve been protecting my own.

Life has been quiet since we last spoke, my breaths echo in the silence along reminding me that although it hurts, I’m still alive somehow.

The dust of our last screeching argument begins to settle and I’m starting to feel and see the damage we both created.

Our memories in time shatter to a million different pieces, all scattering along the battle field.

Happy moments and sad moments are blurred together.

Your laugh rings in my mind and travels down to the empty void in my heart that was created when we last spoke.

Your cries stab me and so do your sad eyes as you stared at me before you left for good.

I don’t know what to do or say to fix this, I don’t think it’s fixable.

Maybe, just maybe along the way, we just outgrew each other. There was nothing left to salvage, we were already becoming undone in certain ways.  

Life has been quiet since you left, and I always hated the silence.

They hurt you and become so paranoid that you’ll hurt them the same way.

Will things ever change? Or will they always stay the same?

You tear my heart apart, a million different ways.

You hurt me, a thousand different ways.

You love me, a hundred different ways.

You want me, in the only way you will want me.

And I’m ready to let you take me away from all of this.

Baby, I’m ready for you to sweep me under the current and to keep me in a safe place forever.

You puzzle me at times but I know that we love each other. There’s no doubt in the way you tell me you love me.

You love me the way that I love you.

So deeply and truthfully.

You love me honestly and whole heartedly.

I was afraid for a moment, a small moment in our time that you would want someone else.

But here we go, for another run, the last run, our last run, I know, for sure, one hundred percent that you love me.

The mess that is me. The person that is me. The soul I am.

You accept that, the way I accept you.

You love that. You want me, us, and our future.

So I’ll run away with you, give you all of me. The rest of me. I don’t want ever lose you.

You complete me in so many ways. Just you. Just your soul.

I sit here in this parked car waiting for you to come and my mind and heart are currently in a war zone. A never ending battle.

It’s exhausting, they both exhaust me, you exhaust me.

I stare out the windshield with my current favourite song on repeat.

I think I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep up with you anymore, you run at inhuman speed switching directions every which way.

You decide if I’m loyal to you or not.

You decide if we’re done or not.

But I think, I’m done. All I need is just one more night with you by my side, one more kiss, one more cuddle, just one more and I’ll be okay.

I’m not sure how love is supposed to be, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be this sad laying down next to the person who I’ve learned to love despite all his flaws.

It’s when I realize that love does not conquer all.