some say, if you pay very close attention.. life doesn't actually ****. I mean look at the weather, some days we see this beautiful flaming ball in the sky that makes us warm. or heck somedays freaking water just magically falls from the sky and if you listen and look closely it's beautiful. now for people, some can me cold hearted, rude, and judgy but that's only 10% of us, the rest of the humans are amazing and kind, innocent, imaginative, interesting and just ******* cool. as for education, you may hate it now, but once you get to college and get an actually job it's amazing. and that cute apt you've been wishing for in nyc, if you dream it you can do it. just keep learning and moving forward. now cars are the coolest ******* things ever, you get into a piece of metal and go anywhere. anywhere you want, hell u could even drive to Oregon right now if you really wanted to. memories, coolest thing ever. basically something that happened in the past that you can remember. and anything can trigger a memory. like a song, smell, place, person. a memory is the coolest thing ever because it's something you'll never forget. like your trip to six flags, your dad taking you out of ice cream when you got a good grade, Christmas Day every single year, visiting your grandmother, freaking summer memories are the best. even the little things are amazing, like good friends, earning money, eating your fav food, being fabulous, getting to *** after you've held it in for 5 hrs, disneyland, traveling, airplanes, roadtrips, taking showers, sleeping, laughing, dancing, swimming, reading, and even smiling. so the next time you say your life *****, just look at the positive things and I promise you, you will be happy again.

have u ever been so In love with someone that u find any excuse to touch them?
their hair or arm or hand
because you couldn't bare the thought of it all being in your head..

it was bad
really bad
because it brought everything back
all the emotions
I thought I was clean
kissing you messed me up again
why do I make such a big deal of this
I just want to be over you

I'm stuck in a constant cycle
you said were done
I stopped
everything stopped
I stopped thinking about you and everything about you
what you were thinking or what your were doing
now that we kissed again it all came back
I'm stuck

night time is when it gets bad
when I was with you I never felt alone
even when I wasn't physically with you
now that we're no more I feel like I'm not allowed to think those things anymore

2. I haven't cried yet
I don't know why
and I mean hard.. I've felt the deep sadness but not enough to make me crawl under the covers and cry for hours

3. periodically I think about the last 3 months
how I have evolved as a person
or I've I haven't even evolved at all
it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.. thinking of what I did with you

4. you said the word "we"
but I knew we weren't we anymore
but why did you not use the word we when we were actually together?

5. I feel so small now
so frail
I never thought how different we were until now
you have probably hooked up with random girls many times before
and I've never even seen past the fabric
I think that really explains why we broke up

6. I keep trying to erase you from my life
but I'm always reminded
in the shower
on the bus
listening to music
looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what you thought of me

7. I was ready, I know I was
I think that's why I took it so easily
because it had been in the back of my mind for so long but I procrastinated the subject because I never knew what you wanted
because on april 12, 2015 at 11:41am I put on my bullet proof vest
I was ready for the words to stab my ribs like I rehearsed in my head

8. I always knew you were going to be the one that did it
the one to say the words we all avoid
the words that no one wants to hear when they're in love
but I don't think I was in love
I thought I could be
but I was never that deep
because I knew in the back of my mind that this was always wrong

9. where was I for 3 months
after we said our final good byes I drifted safely back to earth
and everything was different
people looked different
I noticed things that weren't there before
and people noticed too
the asked why I looked so happy
was being with you making me depressed?

10. I never did anything while we were together
I never watched tv
or did my homework
or talk to anyone
my mind was always on you
and I hated everyone else
I was so annoyed all the time
why did you make me like this?

11. but I'm glad it's over
I'm not numb anymore
craving everything I couldn't have
your lips
hands or smile
I don't miss it
sometimes I do
but I try to forget
because the only way to move on is to
forgive and forget

so thank you for setting me free

you know it's pain when you can feel it
when every bone in your ****** body feels like it's been aching for 30 years
but john green was right
that's the thing about pain
it's demands to be felt

there is a gaping hole in my heart for the place you used to be
but I'll just plant some flowers in it and get over you