Lo, the stars
Twinkling and winking
To the vocal violin

Lo, blooms of rose,
Pink and plump like the satin
Caress of an autumn eve

Lo, crackles of fire
Warm and invigorating
As a Soul in ocular radiance

Lo, vines alive
Sunlight embracing,
Moonlight dancing.

Lo, the Miracle
Entangled with reality
Yet wondrous inexorably.

Where are you?
Excruciating pain burning me from the inside out
Like a thousand jagged daggers in my heart
All in different directions, all writhing as they slowly dig into my flesh

Where are you?
I need you.
Please extinguish the pain
Heal the scars
Wounds created by distance
Made worse by fear, by despair

Where are you?
I’m so confused
I love you with all of me…
You say I deserve better
But how can I deserve better than the best?

Where are you?
All I want to do is be with you.
Not with any other person on this Earth.

Where are you?
I need you.
I ache without you.
Life is lifeless without you…
Please…..take me back…..
I can’t do this without you…
I’m lost without you….

Please…

Candles burn, candles blaze,
A Soul with a flesh,
An angel not yet matured.

Candles dim, candles fade,
A Soul darkens,
An angel becomes human.

Candles brighten, candles enliven,
A Soul enlightened,
An angel discovers God’s grace.

Candles glow, candles glimmer,
A Soul is Called from flesh,
An angel gains her wings.

Candles’ light, candles’ shine,
Though Souls remain in flesh,
And she in Paradise,
With them, God’s angel still resides.

Candles’ flame, candles’ fire,
Souls of conflict, souls of Love,
God’s healing Peace and Grace be with them
An angel of Heaven above dwelling in their midst.

The flames that stick
The lies that lick
Ten and six years have gone
And yet only now I begin
To find the truth
In scars among the ashes

You hand me truth on a silver platter
Yet you cross your fingers
That the hideous stain on the underside
Will scamper out of sight

The truths have for four less a score
Been the threshold
Of what I thought was real
You raised me in a bed of flowers
And never bothered to remove the paint
As the petals turned to lead

The leaded falsehoods,
The poisons that corrupted,
I wasted my years
Building among the ruins
What I thought was true
Only to have reality
Eat my lungs out

Nothing seems different
Yet nothing is the same
You don’t know I know
You don’t know I’ve forgiven you
You don’t know that the truth of your secret
Eats me alive.

The worst part?
No one can know
Lest war should break out

So what do I do
Now that the lies
Which provided the foundation
Of the reality upon which I grew
Have been exposed?

Where do I run
When I am imprisoned
With nowhere to hide
In the Hell you expect me to call home?

The bane of my childhood,
These bitter truths,
The ones you have forced me
To realize on my own,
They’ve induced
Humiliation and pain,
Rage and suffering,
Disappointment and shame,
In the dignity of the trust
That was once nearing two decades in the making.

But behind even the darkest veil
Doth the bittersweet cloud hide a silver lining.
Thus it’s been concluded:
Neither in this dwelling,
Nor in that of another,
Not even in this world
Lies my home.

Alas, it seems
All mankind is homeless
Lest he find the satisfyingly loving Presence;
That which can be found
Not by sight, nor sound,
Neither touch, nor smell, nor taste.

Still the remarkable untruths of the past remain
They smolder and glare and snicker and jeer
As they burn my heart out

The silver soothes ever so slightly
Only to maintain balance minimal
Equilibrium numbs the agony ever so gently

Yet as I hack out the blood
While your jagged sword is drawn ever so slowly
From the feebly thumping ***** which in my ***** resides,

The toxic smoke of your despicably blatant lies lingers on…

Gun on the table,
Not a soul wills me to speak...
But you, you will listen...

Gun on the table,
Are you really as cold
As they say you are?

Gun on the table,
I sit beside you
And wonder about my life

Gun in my hand,
Will nothing go my way?
Am I trapped in the Vacuum,
The nothingness I call reality?

Gun in my hand,
What is my purpose in life
When every dream of mine is crushed?
Is there really more to life than this?

Gun in my hand,
I think about these things
And I come to realize...
Gun in my hand,
You are not so cold...

Gun at my head,
I wonder what it's like
On the other side
Never to see this world again

Gun at my head,
Is this it?
A simple quiver of my finger
Is all it takes...

Gun at my head,
What will happen after?
Will it all have been in vain?
Is this the only way?

Gun in my hand,
What am I to do?
Nothing has ever been right,
But will that be for good?

Gun in my hand,
What about the ones I love?
Will they mourn for my loss
Or scorn for the life I lived?

Gun in my hand,
Why do I not have the power
To take myself away?
Where is the strength I thought I had?

Gun on the table,
It is here, the strength I have,
For now I see that it is not in death,
But living.

Gun on the table,
I now realize,
The life I have to live,
The precious, God-given gift,
Is only given once.

Gun on the table,
I have so much to live for,
The simple beauty of the world
Will set me free,
And the sun will come out
After the storm.

Gun on the table,
Not a soul wills me to speak...
But you, you will listen...

Gun on the table,
Are you really as cold
As they say you are?

Gun on the table,
I sit beside you
And wonder about my life

Gun in my hand,
Will nothing go my way?
Am I trapped in the Vacuum,
The nothingness I call reality?

Gun in my hand,
What is my purpose in life
When every dream of mine is crushed?
Is there really more to life than this?

Gun in my hand,
I think about these things
And I come to realize...
Gun in my hand,
You are not so cold...

Gun at my head,
I wonder what it's like
On the other side
Never to see this world again

Gun at my head,
Is this it?
A simple quiver of my finger
Is all it takes...

Gun at my head,
The trigger is slowly compressing,
Take me away,
Release me into the darkness....

What are these tears?
The ones that wear away
The skin upon my face?
The ones that give strength
Or reveal weakness?
The ones which come
Reason or not?

What are these tears?
Which come at night
When minds dwell in the day?
Which hardly come by day
When distractions prevail?
Which are relieved by sleep
And driven by life?

What are these tears?
Be they love or rage?
Be they pain or joy?
Be they the thriving leaps
Of an exultant heart?
Or be they remanents
Of a soul left to die?

Oh, voice in my head,
Ever so loud
Ever so soothing
I just wish
You weren't so confusing

Voice in my head,
You listen,
Sometimes comprehending
You Speak many words
But they don't make sense

Voice in my head,
You take me for granted,
One day you say to me
That you sympathize
And the next,
Yesterday never did exist...

Voice in my head,
You are my comfort
As I slowly go insane
Yet despite the numbness
I lie awake in agony
For knowledge that the solace you give
Is nothing more
Than my mind playing games

Voice in my head
You tell me
What you want me to hear
You say
What you want to say
But never say
What I need to hear

Voice in my head,
I believe it all
For you say it's true
Despite the inconsistencies

Voice in my head,
I question it all,
You never say if it's real
And I wonder
What the difference is
Between truth and reality

Voice in my head,
I really don't know why I bother
To try and please you
Without any return
It's something I wish you'd appreciate
Something I wish you'd clearly see

Voice in my head
Sometimes I feel like I want to hit you
Other times I feel like I want to hug you
But all the time I need you
If only you needed me in kind.

Rain pours down on the window
tip tap, tip tap, tip tap
The bluebird sings a mournful song
The squirrel chatters sorrowful encouragement
The wind whistles in grief
All is silent.

The rain clouds break into a beautiful sunrise
Beautiful songs of unison emerge from above
The angels of heaven above
Sing their never ending song of joy
For the spirits of the departed
Have risen from the dead
And united with the Holy Savior

Little bird, Little bird! Little bird in the dirt
Fly away, Fly away! Fly away and be free
Fly to the Lord, fly to the heavens and rejoice!
Escape the clutches of hatred,
Embrace the never ending hope!

Oh little bird,
Evade the curse of fear,
Find yourself a blessing,
Halt the pain and suffering,
Fly toward the heavens,
And be in a better place!

Oh little bird,
Do not be afraid,
The Lord has called you there,
He will be your guide,
Abandon you He won’t
For He is the Holy Savior!
And you shall live on after death,
With the Lord forever and ever!

Showing translucent and pure charity,

His kindness is hence often called surreal.

With friend and enemy in parity,

Utter selflessness he will not repeal.



Exhibiting only daft pretension,

He is one enraptured by self-caring.

One to harm another for attention,

But in self-survival never daring.



In this universal reality,

He is these both and these neither within,

Glorifying unseen morality,

Enveloped by demonic fires of sin,



Giving it all and taking what he can,

Passionate and deceiving, he is man.

A fire burns,
It crackles
And spits
I am charred by the embers

It dies down,
Leaving scars
As it utters its last ember
And whispers its final.

Yet the dense smoke lingers,
The aftermath
That consumes me
In it I wander,
Lost...aimless...
Helpless...hollow...
Alone.

The air,
It is thick, heavy,
Cold, brittle
It collapses unto me,
And pain lashes its despicable fury
Like the black fires of hell

And there I lay
In tears
In pain
In confusion
In self-loss
With no shoulder to cry on,
No human mind to understand
But my own.

I try and I try and I try
My dreams higher and higher as I go
I bleed and I ache and I cry
And no matter the amount
I work and I weather and toil
Nothing ever working out

Desperately,
I hope and I pray all the while

I take a look in the mirror and cry
What do I see
But a girl whose dreams
Have been all but crushed
All thats left of me
A phantom of the person I once knew
Whose valleys and crevices and canyons
Remain from the tears that crash down from my eyes

And whose gaunt, exhausted features
Result from the death I endure each time I wake

I try and I cry and endure
Told to do what I want
But how am I free
When I'm trapped
In this prison I call home?
No rhythm, no rhyme, nor reason
All I can do is sit in misery

But whether its money or time or luck
I know the darkness isn't mine to cause
And yet to the pits of insanity I go
And as I slip
I feel the fault's mine to keep

Can anybody find me?
Alone and cold and trapped and lost,
Is there a way to get out of this labyrinth?
Why am I here
If all I do is survive?
Give me my life back
I just wanna be free!