My breath catches inside as you glance my way
My cheeks sore from smiling at our playful banter
My heart skips beats when you look deep into my eyes, as if you're searching for who I am inside
And to think--this is only the beginning
*jm

Lying still
Aroused by your unexpected
Unwanted scent
Go away
You aren't here anymore
You don't belong
To the strength
Belief
And love
That has pulled me through
This isn't yours
It never was
*jm

The gleam in my sister in laws eyes
A mother to be
Is probably the most beautiful thing
That I have ever seen
The excitement in her voice escapes with a tender love, and
Nothing can contain her happiness
Of bringing new life into this world
With the man she fell in love with seven years ago
Such great examples
Are my brother and his bride
They encourage many others to do their best
And to never lose hope of finding the someone that they are for each other
Lovers and best friends
*jm

As slowly as the waters waves grasp for land,
Is my heart yearning to return again.
As quickly as the rush of wind sets waves in motion,
Is my mind set back on letting go.
*jm

Swollen tongue,
And cuts all over.
If only she'd have known
That the epilepsy would take hold.
Dry throat
And an aching head.
She's been taking her meds just like they said.
Body worn down
As she's trying to stop her racing mind.
"Just sleep it off,
Maybe that was the last one this time."
Lacking understanding
Of why the drugs won't work.
Questioning everything
From when it happened to why it happened to her.
"Control the stress,
They'll become less consistent."
Maybe that would work
If she didn't feel like her faith was missing.
*jm

I'm no writer.
No artist,
No scientist,
No mathematician.
I'm not a genius.
No Galileo,
No Einstein,
No Freud.
I am who I am.
Weird,
Self-conscious,
Caring.
I may not be rich,
Or own an expensive car,
Or buy expensive clothing,
Or live in a glorious home filled with expensive belongings.
I am happy where I am,
With what I have,
With who is with me,
With my life.
I've learned that the most important things
Are not materials,
Not who owns how much of what,
Not how much smarter he is than she.
I believe the most important things
Are what we love,
Who we love,
And the love we have for ourselves.
And I believe
That believing all of this
Is what makes life important.

*jm

Oh, how I'll miss their smiles, and
Their pattering feet as they'd come to greet me the minute I'd walk through the door.

Their love so pure, and
Their hearts so full.
Their innocent,
But naturally smart-alecky comebacks to statements like,
"It's time to come inside,"
"We should wait patiently in line,"
"It's time to take a nap,"
"Let's give him a turn first, and yours will come next,"
will always put a smile on my face.

The love for them, and
The joy they'd bring to my heart
From innocent
And naturally earnest words to me like,
"Your earrings are pretty today,"
"When it's naptime, you're going to hold my hand until I fall asleep,"
"You should sit by me for snack time,"
"I love you, Miss Julia."

Though I'll never see these children again,
I hope, through the years, they'll remember me
The way I will them.
I will cherish each one of them, and
Every memory they've given me
Until the end of time.
*jm

I'm pulled in by your silence
Captivated by your mystery
Your charming physique
Your mind unknown
Your character not always shown
Your quiet smile wraps me in warmth
Your deep brown eyes show that there's more
More to you than meets the eye
*jm

The forest is no place for a girl
Snowflakes fall and tumble and twirl
Did her parents love her? Did anyone?
She ponders, staring at the setting sun

Her heart pounded in her chest
Parents voices chanting, "Do your best.
Come in first, get good grades."
Each word a sharp and deepening *****
Cutting through her heart and mind
Where on earth could she possibly find
The courage she needs to survive

Because the forest is no place for a girl.

She ran and ran, through the woods
Doing what she thought she could
The day had almost turned to night
She shrilly screams with all her might
She runs, not knowing where to go
The shivering cold, the blankets of snow

The wolves, they cry out to the moon
They surely will be hunting soon
What will she do to stay alive?
How can she live a constant life
Of running from the beasts out there
Knowing they are everywhere
Now she sees they are within,
All her troubles, every sin
It's too late now, she's realized

That the forest is no place for a girl.

Branches start to grab her now
She needs to leave, get out somehow
How could she have been led astray?
She cannot live her life this way!
Each problem now such foolishness
She longs now for a hand's caress
But all she has are chasing beasts
Longing for a human feast

She prays to God, her only choice
With all her strength, with all her voice
"Please save me from the beasts I face
You know that they will win this chase"
She did not know if God had heard
Each and every single word

Now the wolves were all around
She stopped, not making any sound
They looked at her with beady eyes
Staring at their final prize
When suddenly a flash of light
Like ten million suns burning bright
Caused the wolves to run away
Leaving her alone to stay

The light had slowly disappeared
And now a peaceful man appeared
Dressed in white, He walked to her
"You saved my life, didn't you, sir?"

"I did what I knew must be done
I am the Lord, The Three in One."
She clung to Him and silently wept
While He held her and closely kept
Watch over her

For He knows the forest is no place for a girl.

*cc

There's a hole in my chest where my heart used to be.
Nothing left but pain from the memories.
Never even knew
Always lied to
Never hearing you confess
Always finding out the rest
Never knowing what was best
Always saying, "Let it rest."
Never making new memories
Always hating because now we're enemies.
*jm

There is a time for everything,
  and a season for every activity under heaven:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
  a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to **** and a time to heal,
  a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
  a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
  a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
  a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
  a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
  a time for war and a time for peace.
*Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I miss the days
When I would wake from nightmares
Run to your room and have you there
Protecting me from the monsters in my dreams
I miss the days
When I would mock your actions
As we'd watch the Tigers play
Finally venturing to a live game
I miss the days
When you'd lose it and yell
As you'd coach me
Teaching me to never give up
I miss the days
When a simple hug
Could take the pain away
From young, careless boys that lied
At least I knew I had one strong one always by my side
Those were the days.
*jm

You were so young
Oh, so young
Why did it have to be you?
We may never understand
The timing of The Lord
It's safe to say that this time
I will never understand
You were so young
You were so loving
And you were loved
I never wanted to see
All of those people gathered
In that too small church
For that reason
You were so young
None of us down here
Will ever forget you up there
A privilege to know you
A blessing beyond compare
To know that being your
Friend,
Sister,
Daughter,
Granddaughter,
Niece,
Lover,
And everything in between
Meant having memorable times
And endless laughter
Now there are just tears
You were too young
*jm

We all, at some point in our lives, come across those songs-with
The melodies that seem so bland,
The rhythms that we can't stand,
The lyrics that repeat themselves with no meaning attached,
The dynamics that are out to attack,

And then we come across those songs-with
The melodies we can't get out of our minds,
The rhythms that remind us to push forward at all times,
The lyrics that explain what we were unable to,
The dynamics that help to bring out how we're feeling inside,

Maybe the people we come across throughout our lives
affect us in these ways, too.
*jm

I don't miss who you are
I miss who you used to be
I don't want to remember what we were
I want to remember how strong I am
Without you
It's hard to move on
Even harder to see you now
Disappointment consumes me
For ever loving you

Then I remember
The pain that came with that love
The useless fights that never ended
The lies that stayed hidden
Until it was too late
The day I woke up hospitalized, while you were no where in sight
Reminding myself of all of the times I was left feeling I deserved better
Denying it until it was too late

True love still exists
It just wasn't meant for you and I
Heartbreak happens for a reason
Work through the pain, learn from it all
I've heard it so many times
It's finally starting to feel true

So let these snowflakes fall
Cover me in this sheet of
Pure white
Let me hide away from the past
Give me help to escape these nightmares
And finally let go
And give me hope for a better tomorrow
*jm

Insomnia strikes me when the
Soft candlelight glows upon
pages-upon pages
Of the new book bought today.
Unable to set it back on the shelf above my head-above my bed.

Finding respite from worries of
days past and days to come, by escaping in this world imagined by
another-this brilliant creation.

Tonight, A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.
Who knows what tomorrow night holds?
These summer nights, spent in solitude underneath the dimming candlelight,
Are the nights I'll never grow tired of.
*jm

After spending time with the children i used to help care for, i'm realizing how much i absolutely love watching every child learn and grow with time, and i love observing what they can become.
i loved helping the youngest girl shop for little toys as she checked the prices on all of them before considering what to buy. i love how big the middle girl's heart is and how she remembers so many little things about the people she cares most for. i love how the eldest girl can go back to being the kid she was when she was with my younger sister when they reunite after months spent apart. i love how their laughter is so contagious and how all of their hugs are so full of love.
They're going to be wonderful women when they grow older. Watching them change and learn how to treat people after being hurt by others words makes me love them even more. The compassion they have for everyone, whether the people are strangers or close friends, inspires me.
And i love the hope they have, their innocence, and how sometimes they don't know any better, so they say what they mean without thinking twice about it. This is what gives me hope for future children and future generations. If three sisters can be this wonderful towards each other and every other person they come into contact with, what's stopping so many other families from growing in the same ways? *jm

I'll keep living this life God's given me until He takes me home to Him.
Going through all of the ups and downs.
I'll keep breathing in and out until the day I die.
Reminding myself He's by my side.
I'll push forward until I reach the end here.
Knowing that He's leading me through it all.

Can't move on...
Can't let go...
Losing all sense of self respect and self control.
*jm

the crescent moon
sends casting lights
upon insomniatic eyes
bodies shadows dance
upon dampening grass
as bare feet beat
and leave their marks
upon the soft earth
with souls brought to life
under the gleaming sun kissed moon
in the spirit of that summer night

Released balloons fly freely with the breeze.

As they glide peacefully above,
we are reminded of your love.

Until we meet again,
we'll keep you in mind until the end.

We repeatedly listen to your songs
and wonder if you're up there singing along.

As we watch the balloons rise,
getting carried by the wind,

We know you are flying joyously with Him.
*jm

I wish I were a cloud
Whisping freely away
With no intent to stay
Leaving as I please
Pacing with the breeze
*jm

He makes me smile
By looking deep into my eyes.
He makes me laugh
More than anyone has in a long time.
He makes my heart race
When he shares his dreams with me.
He makes me realize
The world is much bigger than it seems.
He gives me hope
That things can change.
He sets a fire inside of me
I didn't realize was capable of being rekindled.
He makes me feel beautiful
When he looks at me shyly.
He doesn't realize
I have these thoughts in my mind. I may not ever voice these, because
He also makes me dread
The inevitable day we'll have to say goodbye.
*jm

Nothing's heard
Of the words
Told to the jet black sky.
Nobody listened.
They didn't care.
Too absorbed with material things
I shouldn't have shared.
I always give,
Give,
Give,
Only to have them take,
Take,
Take.
Is that the Holy thing to do?
Is He happy with me?
Or disappointed
Like everyone
Everyone else,
Who I have tried,
to prove wrong,
To make proud.
*jm

Another holiday
Another get together
Another special occasion
Another painful memory
Another reminder of his absence

Fireworks bursting in the sky
Tears streaming from her bloodshot eyes
Her heart's exploding
Her mind is drowning

No one
Can see her pain
Hidden in the dark
Trapped
She has no escape
No way out
From the painful,
Overwhelming
Memories of her past

*jm

I'm made of porcelain
And of glass.
Kick me once,
And watch
As my fragile body
Starts to crack.
Kick me twice,
And watch
As I fall and shatter to pieces.
But this porcelain doll
Won't be defeated.
Our true creator
Always pulls through,
Mending every one of His children
With healing hands and glue.
*jm