I grew accustom to awaiting your arrival each morning.
Hearing my dogs alarming barks as you would approach the door
as I lie in bed pretending to sleep.
The energy, the life you brought upon and within me would surge deep inside of my rapid beating heart as your footsteps approached my closed door.
You were always so gentle as you would turn that copper handle, trying desperately not to wake me
as you'd let yourself into my peaceful, quiet world of "sleep."
I never minded the disturbance, because the disturbance you caused meant I was that much closer to fluttering my tired eyes open to your perfection.
Those mornings, the mornings when you would surprise me with your presence,
come crawling in next to me, softly brushing the ratted hair from my puffy face, whispering, "Good morning, beautiful,"
The mornings that don't exist anymore were the only times I've ever felt truly beautiful in my own, sleep deprived skin.
*jm

Insomnia strikes me when the
Soft candlelight glows upon
pages-upon pages
Of the new book bought today.
Unable to set it back on the shelf above my head-above my bed.

Finding respite from worries of
days past and days to come, by escaping in this world imagined by
another-this brilliant creation.

Tonight, A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.
Who knows what tomorrow night holds?
These summer nights, spent in solitude underneath the dimming candlelight,
Are the nights I'll never grow tired of.
*jm

You feel so alone
Your broken heart moans
But you don't need him
Just to be loved

You were happy once before
You'll be fine again
Just take my hand and
Let go.

You can still be you
I love what you do
Please try to see
You're lovely to me

Shake it off dear
Just tell me I'll hear
Your heart will mend
Forgiveness you'll send

And this friend
Will always be waiting

I open my tired eyes
And you fade away
As I rise to start
Another day.
*jm

It's hard to enjoy every moment
When my mind's constantly looking ahead,
Ruining any chance of me fully appreciating the present ever again.

Time is a funny thing...
Always pushing us forward,
But leaving us wishing we could stand still and keep the present close.

Is there such thing as the present?
Or does every moment come and go?
Leaving us always in the future
Never allowing us to be in control?
*jm

After spending time with the children i used to help care for, i'm realizing how much i absolutely love watching every child learn and grow with time, and i love observing what they can become.
i loved helping the youngest girl shop for little toys as she checked the prices on all of them before considering what to buy. i love how big the middle girl's heart is and how she remembers so many little things about the people she cares most for. i love how the eldest girl can go back to being the kid she was when she was with my younger sister when they reunite after months spent apart. i love how their laughter is so contagious and how all of their hugs are so full of love.
They're going to be wonderful women when they grow older. Watching them change and learn how to treat people after being hurt by others words makes me love them even more. The compassion they have for everyone, whether the people are strangers or close friends, inspires me.
And i love the hope they have, their innocence, and how sometimes they don't know any better, so they say what they mean without thinking twice about it. This is what gives me hope for future children and future generations. If three sisters can be this wonderful towards each other and every other person they come into contact with, what's stopping so many other families from growing in the same ways? *jm

Wipe those soft tears away, darling
I'm always here to remind you:
There will be hope for one more day.
*jm

My breath catches inside as you glance my way
My cheeks sore from smiling at our playful banter
My heart skips beats when you look deep into my eyes, as if you're searching for who I am inside
And to think--this is only the beginning
*jm

I miss the days
When I would wake from nightmares
Run to your room and have you there
Protecting me from the monsters in my dreams
I miss the days
When I would mock your actions
As we'd watch the Tigers play
Finally venturing to a live game
I miss the days
When you'd lose it and yell
As you'd coach me
Teaching me to never give up
I miss the days
When a simple hug
Could take the pain away
From young, careless boys that lied
At least I knew I had one strong one always by my side
Those were the days.
*jm

To be your shelter for your "stone cold heart"
Is what I wish to always be for you
Whether we're together or apart.

If I could wrap you in my arms
To thaw that frozen heart
I would be sure that nothing would cause you anymore harm.

When the days drag by and darkness consumes you through and through
I hope you look to the heavens
And feel the love He and I have for you.

No river too deep, no distance too far
As long as you promise to always remember:
We'll be with you wherever you are.
*jm

Nothing's heard
Of the words
Told to the jet black sky.
Nobody listened.
They didn't care.
Too absorbed with material things
I shouldn't have shared.
I always give,
Give,
Give,
Only to have them take,
Take,
Take.
Is that the Holy thing to do?
Is He happy with me?
Or disappointed
Like everyone
Everyone else,
Who I have tried,
to prove wrong,
To make proud.
*jm

There's a hole in my chest where my heart used to be.
Nothing left but pain from the memories.
Never even knew
Always lied to
Never hearing you confess
Always finding out the rest
Never knowing what was best
Always saying, "Let it rest."
Never making new memories
Always hating because now we're enemies.
*jm

Swollen tongue,
And cuts all over.
If only she'd have known
That the epilepsy would take hold.
Dry throat
And an aching head.
She's been taking her meds just like they said.
Body worn down
As she's trying to stop her racing mind.
"Just sleep it off,
Maybe that was the last one this time."
Lacking understanding
Of why the drugs won't work.
Questioning everything
From when it happened to why it happened to her.
"Control the stress,
They'll become less consistent."
Maybe that would work
If she didn't feel like her faith was missing.
*jm

There is a time for everything,
  and a season for every activity under heaven:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
  a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to **** and a time to heal,
  a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
  a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
  a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
  a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
  a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
  a time for war and a time for peace.
*Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"A star in the heavens has been named for you,"
That thick paper had read.
Excitement and gratitude burst from inside as your deep blue eyes beamed brightly back at me.

This wasn't just another gift.
The realization that we had something that would be ours until the end of time
Hit me like a million fallen stars.

Now all that hits me
Is the understanding that the star is ours and still burning out there,
But we are not. We are nothing.

Now every time the stars fall,
I'll think of you.
*jm

The gleam in my sister in laws eyes
A mother to be
Is probably the most beautiful thing
That I have ever seen
The excitement in her voice escapes with a tender love, and
Nothing can contain her happiness
Of bringing new life into this world
With the man she fell in love with seven years ago
Such great examples
Are my brother and his bride
They encourage many others to do their best
And to never lose hope of finding the someone that they are for each other
Lovers and best friends
*jm

I'm made of porcelain
And of glass.
Kick me once,
And watch
As my fragile body
Starts to crack.
Kick me twice,
And watch
As I fall and shatter to pieces.
But this porcelain doll
Won't be defeated.
Our true creator
Always pulls through,
Mending every one of His children
With healing hands and glue.
*jm

I wish I were a cloud
Whisping freely away
With no intent to stay
Leaving as I please
Pacing with the breeze
*jm

Set aside your fears
Let love in
You never know what you'll find
When new things begin

The happiness consumes you
You feel so alive
Overwhelming feelings
All the doubts subside

Don't be afraid to chase your dreams
He'll lead you all the way
You're not alone in this life
I, too, am here to stay
*jm

Living through heartbreaks
From losing one after another.
Years of tears form in her eyes
After hearing the news another time.
"We lost it,"
The words echo as fresh tears fall.
It's all too familiar for them,
Losing a child inside once again.

Praying to God,
Begging on their knees
To "Please, please let one live.
Bless us with a child
And we'll never ask for anything ever again."

Another visit to the specialist
Going through the same routine,
Never losing hope that He would answer their plea.

Months pass with no bad news
And hope starts to grow.
The date has arrived and her husband takes her hand.
Grateful tears flowing from their eyes
As they hold on to Hope and
Thank God for blessing them so.
*jm

I'm pulled in by your silence
Captivated by your mystery
Your charming physique
Your mind unknown
Your character not always shown
Your quiet smile wraps me in warmth
Your deep brown eyes show that there's more
More to you than meets the eye
*jm

I'm no writer.
No artist,
No scientist,
No mathematician.
I'm not a genius.
No Galileo,
No Einstein,
No Freud.
I am who I am.
Weird,
Self-conscious,
Caring.
I may not be rich,
Or own an expensive car,
Or buy expensive clothing,
Or live in a glorious home filled with expensive belongings.
I am happy where I am,
With what I have,
With who is with me,
With my life.
I've learned that the most important things
Are not materials,
Not who owns how much of what,
Not how much smarter he is than she.
I believe the most important things
Are what we love,
Who we love,
And the love we have for ourselves.
And I believe
That believing all of this
Is what makes life important.

*jm

I don't miss who you are
I miss who you used to be
I don't want to remember what we were
I want to remember how strong I am
Without you
It's hard to move on
Even harder to see you now
Disappointment consumes me
For ever loving you

Then I remember
The pain that came with that love
The useless fights that never ended
The lies that stayed hidden
Until it was too late
The day I woke up hospitalized, while you were no where in sight
Reminding myself of all of the times I was left feeling I deserved better
Denying it until it was too late

True love still exists
It just wasn't meant for you and I
Heartbreak happens for a reason
Work through the pain, learn from it all
I've heard it so many times
It's finally starting to feel true

So let these snowflakes fall
Cover me in this sheet of
Pure white
Let me hide away from the past
Give me help to escape these nightmares
And finally let go
And give me hope for a better tomorrow
*jm

Can't move on...
Can't let go...
Losing all sense of self respect and self control.
*jm

The waves wash onto shore
Give their quick caress to the sand
Only to withdraw as fast as they came
And lo,
Loneliness sinks in again
*jm