Jules

Jules Jan 2014

i don’t have anything,
and he was something.
maybe’s that’s why i
was so scared.
to lose that.
but despite it all
i lost him anyways.

(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

too f a r to think

My past drained my future.
Too empty out there.
Too hollow lacking purpose.
Too far to think.
But too quickly approaching.
But there is one thing that gets me by.
Just knowing that right now.
In this moment.
With this present breath.
I am okay.
I am safe.
And I want now to be forever.
(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

Don't.

Trust me.
You don’t want to be my friend.
You don’t want to date me.
You don’t want to love me.
Just trust me on this one.
I’m telling you now.
Save yourself the trouble.
Don’t.
(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

Millisecond

i wish i could grow up all over again and go back
to that one second when i let him into my head for the first time.
the second i started counting calories like causalities of war.
a war that started that day.
little did i know of the casualties to come.
little did i know that i would slowly start to become one of them.
god created the world in seven days.
i destroyed mine within a fraction of a second.
if i had only known of the years it would take to take back that one moment.
i wish i could redo the day i planted that demon inside.
a demon whose roots grew too tight and too deep.
how is it that just one moment can change your entire life?
it’s funny because you wouldn’t think much could happen in a second.
but one second could be more influential on your life than
days, or months, or years, or decades could ever be.
it’s not fair, is it?
that that tiny number, so small it’s barely real,
can hold enough power over you,
to **** you.
(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

Live Spelled Backwards

live
for today
love it cherish it
because one day you'll
wake up and find the
whole world turned
evil*

(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

I Dare Not Say Anything...

The memories haunt my every thought.
The sound of Daddy’s footsteps creaking every night.
The sound of the doorknob turning slowly.
The sound of Daddy’s voice.
And I grew jealous that Daddy rather,
spend time with her than with me.
But something told me that
I dare not say anything.

I was 6 and you were 7.
You were my sister, my very best friend.
But with the noises and cries I heard late at night,
you were slipping away from me.
But I dare not say anything.

I grew to hate you as Daddy
loved you more than me.
He held your hand and kissed your head
but he never touched me.
But I dare not say anything.

As years went on I grew terrified
that Daddy would come to me.
Because I knew something was bad.
And I didn’t wish he would touch me anymore.
But I dare not say anything.

You were 11 and I was 10.
And one day it stopped.
I never heard Daddy in your room again.
I never heard anything ever again.
No goodbye’s or hello’s or any words at all.
Like silence could hold the secret that
they both knew was true.
But I dare not say anything.

You grew too thin, too pale, too weak.
You disappeared for days at a time
with too many boys much too old.
You did too many drugs that no one knew.
But at night I could still hear you crying
alone in the same room.
But I dare not say anything.

But now I realize
why you did
what you did.
I just didn’t understand.
but now I do.
And I am so so sorry.

                                                                                  But I dare not say anything.

(j.j)

Jules Jan 2014

God Makes Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes right?
At least that’s what they say.
So God can make mistakes too right?
I mean they say He’s in all of us.
So He’s the most human it gets right?
Because I know He made a big one.
It stares back at me in the mirror
everyday.

*(j.j)