And I like to pretend...

I like to pretend that my
Thoughts mean nothing
That my heart's beat
Is drumming to something

I like to pretend that
The school bus
Wasn't
The first place that I
Learned to trust

I like to pretend that
This technology hasn't
Completely consumed me,
That I still have a chance
At saving or being saved,
That my soul
Isn't always running on
Empty

I like to pretend that
These skies can truly
Lift me into the clouds
That my pulse has never
Thumped so loud
That every night and
Every star isn't
Praying to tumble down

I like to pretend that
I'm a girl in a dress
Instead of the girl
In my head,
The one that's always
Swimming in a
Drug induced mess

I like to pretend that
These crayons make
Some type of valuable art
That my life hasn't
Been splattered on the
Walls from the start

I like to pretend..

I like to pretend that
The air isn't what suffocates
That the death of expression
Isn't why my heart breaks
That my thoughts have
Always found a way
To halt earth quakes

I like to pretend that
I don't know how to rhyme
And that these stupid
******* words aren't
Eating up all my time
That everything I've
Ever imagined was real
Outside the brink of my mind

I like to pretend that
The lighter's flame at night
Wraps me in faux warmth
Cozy and tight
That I've never dreamed
Of dying in spite

I like to pretend
That this world is real
That no one has ever
Taken my soul to steal
Every ounce of happiness
Away,
So that I could never again
Learn how to feel

I like to pretend
Because I never let the child
Die inside my head
And I've never let mild
Attacks boil my blistering skin
And I've never done
Anything I couldn't love
After a while

I like to pretend
Because it's all that I have
Left
Because it's the only
Thing that I've
Kept
And out the door you
Stepped
So still I pretend
Because it keeps me
Well slept

how my cell-mate loved me
i miss him now and then
i am finally on the outside
but he's doing five to ten.

i met him in the lunch room
he followed to the yard
and when he brushed against me
i felt something really hard.

don't be shy he told me
i'll treat you right, you'll see
and then he whispered nothings
while making love to me.

how my cell-mate loved me
let me count the ways
i love his big house nickname
they call him Bubba J

Bubba is a big boy
and really hairy too
if **** rugs are what you love
then he's the one for you.

He is a big bad tough guy
until he is alone
and then he is a teddy bear
I love to make him moan.

He is so soft and snuggly
he is my ******* coo
he hates for me to call him that
as a tough guy he'd be thru.

he is like putty in my hands
for sure when i am done
but at the start he is so hard
at least until he ****

if he gives me sass
i smack his *** and send him to his bunk
i am the boss of this sweet pair
and I treat him like a punk.

he stands real tall when free time comes
and fear is felt by all
but he looks up when facing me
and i'm just five feet tall.

i am the tough guy it turns out
and he is just a queen
i love him and he loves me
he's the best i've ever seen.

too bad i'm here and he is there
i think i'll rob a store
then i'll be back in with him again
and have sweet love once more.