sometimes
i refuse to
write poetry
because inspiration
only comes from
sad
times

this realization
makes me
even
sadder

i wish
that love
still
ignited a raging fire
inside my chest
and flowed sparks through
my veins
and masked my
brain
with smoke
so the loneliness
wouldn't feel
as
cold

Apples sit on branches
all the time that has prospered from the growth that one apple
has been the small window of an unattainable span of seconds and minutes and hours
that has shown the leaves to dance with the wind
the branch to bow
and the roots to grow
the apple ripens into a sharp stain of satin red
to paint the tree with a new color
to illustrate a new beginning
the apple grows heavy
falls
and splatters the ground with love
the grass learns to reach for the sun
the bird grasps the concept of flight
the worm slithers unbothered
but the apple splays the pigment of its love everywhere
the seeds plant
another tree grows
and more apples sit on branches
teaching the leaves to dance with the wind
the branch to bow
and the roots to grow

Today I learned
Family
Does not live under the same roof
Support
Does not have to come from my parents
Friends
Will always be there
Pain
Is only temporary
Love
Is infinitive
And my happiness
Is most important
Above
Everything

how can everybody walk around a burning building
and act like they don't see it?
don't feel the heat on their skin?
don't smell the putrid smoke?
don't hear the deafening flames?
how can people block out the cry of a child?
how can they ignore the sobs of a depressed teenager?
how do they go on with their lives not bothered by sadness?
please tell me how.
so i can tell them there is a burning building.
so they can cry with the child.
and sob with the teenager
and the world will be filled with wails of togetherness
and the sorrow will be shared
so the building doesn't have to burn
and the child doesn't have to cry
and the teenager doesn't have to be depressed
and we live seeing, hearing, smelling, and feeling everything

why is my only talent losing friends?
why can i only think about my failed relationships?
was it my fault?
should i have said sorry?
should i have stood my ground unapologetically?
i feel trapped in this revolution of making friends and losing them i'm going insane
have i not learned already?
have i not felt enough pain?
enough loneliness?
enough self-hatred for my own shortcomings?
if i live the way i want,
if i live without apologizing,
if i live with a confidence that needs no justification from others,
who will i have then?
what person would be there?
this constant repetition over and over again
i can't take it
please make it stop

people quit things
and they quit because they don't get enough recognition.
they think they deserve thousands of likes and comments
to validate their own personal success

i quit things
because i don't think enough people tell me that i am good enough
and thats just wrong