sleeping next to a boy
without sleeping with him
is just
awkward.

i'm barely sorry that i hurt you
i didn't even love you
and now you're giving me
passive aggressive silence
hoping i'll give a ****
darling, i know that trick
darling, don't waste your time
darling, be careful
just because it's working
doesn't mean i care
it just means i miss you
r attention

i know it isn't fair
you did everything right
you were good to me
but everyone's heart
belongs to someone
and mine was already
taken

so when i call at two am
don't pick up
you're just another
*******.

if you deleted my number
it would hurt more
than every ****** thing
put together
and here's why

when i broke down on you
in february
i said i was just another girl
and you told me no,
you were you and i was me
and right then
we mattered
not as a unit, but as people
separate entities

here's the catch
you said ten, fifteen years from now
sure -- i might be just another girl

it's only been two
two years
if you started blurring me together now
with the other people who are just
taking up space
in your memory

i
think
i'd
die.

i wonder if you're drowning me
in a glass bottle
dreaming of the day you drink too much
and i come to your rescue
i want to want to
but the truth is
i don't give a ****
and i can't apologize
enough
for not loving you.

just put down the bottle, babe.
there aren't enough tears
in the universe
to bring someone back
who never cared
to start.

i'll let you learn from my mistakes
if you'll let me.

snakes get a new skin
every one
two
three months

we get one every
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven years

in five year's time
i'll have a skin
you never
touched

and i'll still probably
be conflicted
on how i feel
about that.

you're not perfection
(and never could be)
but darling
(though you see everyone that way indefinitely)
no one ever is
*(or ever could be)

I.
when you dumped me
they said 'time heals all wounds'
and i said they were full of ****.

II.
when i pick my scabs
i still feel my heart
bleed out over you.

III.
on bad days i curse
your name until i fall asleep
it's my broken lullaby.

I.
too clean
houses

II.
healthy
relationships

III.
sobriety

IV.
the way my brain
is wired.

just because i know everyone leaves
doesn't mean it's stopped hurting
when they do
every time.