it's  t e n  'o  c l o c k
go to bed
but the night's still young

it's  e l e v e n  'o  c l o c k
go to bed
but i have work to finish

it's  m i d n i g h t
and don't you know, it's unhealthy
to go to bed so late?
mum,
i think it's even less healthy
to be this sad.

I didn't get to school today
I woke up
usual time
and lay still
my arms felt like they were
strapped to the bed
my legs felt like the bones
had been replaced with lead
my shoulder sunk into the matress
and my head was stuffed with
cotton or water
I wasn't able to move
so I cried
and after a while
of crying I finally lifted a shoulder
nothing was wrong with me
but the weight
I just couldn't move


look what depression is doing to me
how am I meant to live through this?

you've held my hand and whispered against my cheeks
and though the dying wind may have bitten his last icy bite against the corner of my eyes
i no longer fear
anything

as long as i am
                           with you

can you safely say
that you have lived and laughed enough
can you confidently smile
without having to tuck in the deep convictions of your mind?
will you whisper to me the stories of your past
will you enchant me with the tears in your eyes?

your fragile heart will not be broken
the secrets of your mind unspoken
let me cradle your vulnerability to my wounded chest
so that we may mend each other in the process

you
you think this a lot
with emphasis
a one word blame
disappointment, you suppose

but you don't think it at other people
oh,
oh, they're fine.
its you
because what the *****
is wrong with you

you still haven't figured that bit out yet

bit by bit
you lose yourself
things you were
things you did
they're gone now
maybe you remember them
maybe you don't
(you think you don't)
you think there used to be so much more
but now
now it's just you
waiting in the parking lot
pavement cracked and covered in chewing gum
the lights flickering
like fires among the rows of houses
flickering like candles put out in a rush during a black-out
and you're staring at these lights
waiting
watching them flicker
flicker
flicker
until its the
last
light
out

Beginning of summer, end of high school;

Windows down, driving too fast in warm weather with a girl you love to a song you'll learn to love just as much:

Can I ever feel free again?