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my days have been numbered by
the piece of papers holding meaningless words
that i crumple up and toss in the trash,
by the books i’ve gotten my hands on,
by the many coffee cups i’ve held to my lips,
and i can finally dive into prufrock’s words,
feel them encapsulate me,
roll around in my brain and
make themselves at home.
i crave the timelessness that even dickinson
couldn’t have possibly tasted,
the ability to have people to feel something
and connect with my words,
the chance to not feel alone in this world.
my words enter the blank page
without any rhyme or reason
but they help me embody my feelings,
and i pour my heart into my work
with the hope that someone, somewhere is thinking,
i understand what she’s saying.
that’s truly what it’s all about.

there’s a principle in science that says
if you don’t use it, you lose it,
if a part of your brain goes untouched,
is in no way beneficial to you,
it ceases to exist.

so tell me why i haven’t been able
to shake you out of my mind
when i haven’t seen you in two months,
when you were never really mine
in the first place.
why do you insist on resurfacing
when i’m sure i’ve become
just an afterthought to you.

the home i built for you
should have burned to the ground,
should have remained vacant
after you left,
but instead it continues to overflow
and seems to breathe underneath
its own sagging weight.

he will appear
he will be gentle
quiet
strong
and he will brush the hair off my face
with the softest sweep of his hand
he will look at me
the way you never did
as a delicate piece of glass
he so desperately wishes not to shatter
he will feel no shame
at the sound of my name
in the same sentence as his
and no embarrassment
at the sight of his hand in mine
he will wipe my tears
when i feel too much  
                                       (like i do)
and then you
will fade
from my heart

There was a time
Not so long ago
I held my head a little higher
I felt more inspired
The little things never brought me down
nothing would nock me to the ground
My mind was on my spirit
I was finding my self, I could feel it
I was connected, in tune, in harmony

Now I'm out of touch
Isolated from my self
From my spirit
My mind tortures my body
Im losing control
Anger surges inside me
Hatred for my self
Resentment of those around me
Distain of passers by