there is an ache inside of me;
it occurs somewhere between the
moments of waking and sleeping.

there is something about letting go
that makes it so hard to do.

i am afraid to close my eyes.  
i am afraid to turn out the light.

i will prolong the inevitable as long as possible,
battling against the drooping eyelids,
battling against the heavy sighing.

another day is gone.
another tick mark on the wall.

i have done nothing.
i will remember nothing--in a few days, at least.
i will become nothing (but an empty shell, i'm assuming)

wasting  away
in the confines of my bedroom.
too afraid to go outside;
having grown so used to being alone
that the thought of spending time with another
does not even occur to me.

there is something so frightening about that thought.

as if the world wasnt't full of enough heartbreak
you stepped foot into my life

as if my mind wasn't full of enough distress
you slipped into my heart

and now you are all that pollutes my mind
unwanted, yet wanted, all the same

my head is a blur, an absolute mess
and I cannot decipher anything

the only thing that makes sense to me now is the blue in your eyes
and the way it feels to be in your arms

I miss being close to you
I miss you wanting me
I miss your presence

I am always mindful of how this is my fault
always. Always and forever, my fault

we loved one another at the wrong time and that cannot be changed
but what if I had told you the doings in my mind
before now?

What if I had told you, just a matter of weeks ago
that for the past 3 years, I have been in love with you?

I can't change this now, but I wish you loved me too
I can't change our past, I cannot manipulate time and space
I cannot ever be enough for your desperate heart

but you have always been enough for me

i keep my time
under my skin
years cut from memory mourning
in the lines
of a lifetime's twin
under my skin
i keep my time
iron gates rusted shut
from within
each sleeping love
unsigned