She's laying on
my couch.
Wrapped up
in my old school
Pokemon blanket.

She's sleeping.

She wasn't feeling
well,
fever and all,
so I invited her over.
I wanted to take care of her.

I got her a McChicken
(That's what she wanted)
Medium Dr.Pepper.
I rubbed her back,
and now,
She's sleeping.

I don't normally smile
while I write.
Right now,
my cheeks hurt
because I can't stop.

She's so beautiful.

It's not every day
you catch
an angel
napping on
your couch.

Her eyes are like
Stars
And ****,
Do I love stargazing.

Her smile is bright
But, I wouldn’t mind
Going blind.

Her laugh is contagious,
An epidemic,
If you will.

My heart beats
So loud I can’t
Hear myself think.
Not a day goes by
She doesn’t cross
My mind.

Oh Julia,
Please be mine.
My love will
Stand the test
Of time.
Oh Julia,
Please be mine.

I skipped a rock
on a lake.
It skipped six times.
I was estatic.

Six. *******. Times.

How simple life was
during childhood.
The joy you could get
by throwing a rock.

The fun of finding that
“perfect” one.

The one that was round,
completely flat.
You knew it was the right one.
It was gonna give you that
sixth skip
you’ve been waiting for.
And when you got it.
It was like nothing could break you.

Now,
I’ve grown up.
Skipping rocks is for children.
Bills and occupation are for men.
Getting up early,
drowning myself in coffee.
Making millions of ******* dollars,
for someone else.

Seems pretty redundant,
unsatisfying.

Yeah, we all look forward to pay day.

Today is different,
I’m looking forward
to getting that seventh skip.

My heart hasn't stopped
Racing
Since the day
Our lips first met

The back of the bar
My hands were shaking
But I looked into her eyes
And the world was different
There was happiness
And comfort,
A sense of calm.

She takes the evil out of me
Replaces it with warm feelings
And never asks for it back.

Depression has ruined my life
Anxiety was its evil side kick
With her though,
That villainous duo stands
No chance.

I'm happy now.
She did this.
I'm happy now.

She's my best friend,
My confidante,
My sun during the day
And my moon at night.

She's everything I've ever wanted
She's the pistons
That keep me going.
She's the fuel I use to get
Out of bed.

She's the reason I haven't stopped
Smiling
In two **** weeks.

She's amazing

And I'm

The luckiest guy in the world.

Every time I walk out of my room
both of my cats are sitting there
giving me ***** looks.
Almost as if I owe them money
from a poker game that we played
a few weeks ago and I haven’t called them since.

It makes me wonder if maybe they are mad at me.
What the hell did I do to them?
Yeah, sure, I stepped on your tail once or twice kitty,
shoot me.

But **** man, I pet you. I feed you.
I play with you.
I buy you toys.
I get you high. (On catnip, Jesus, I’m not cruel.)
****, if that’s the case, you want some kitty ****?
I’ll figure something out.

I’ll do anything to make you purr.

Remember when I got you those really nice boots
that you walked around in for maybe 5 minutes
and never put on again?

What about that time I bought you
that really expensive cat food that
you said you wanted so much
and then refused to eat?

I’m sorry about the time you saw me petting
the neighbors cat, I told you it wasn’t what it looked like.

No, I swear I didn’t like Doug the Pug’s photo on Facebook.

Why does it seem like I do everything wrong?

Oh wait.

I got it.


My cats are females.

I’ve drawn a thin line
Between ignorance
and confidence.

My ego grows by
the day,
making me out to be
maybe, just maybe,
not what I want to be.

Standing outside
in the middle of
January
with a t-shirt and jeans on,
holding a draft beer in my
right hand and a cigarette
in my left
Shouting,
“I’ll live forever.”

Hitting on girls
in front of their significant other.

My line is thin,
it only grows thinner.

Day by day,
night by night,
I don’t become better
Like I think I do.

I’ve become worse.

And it’s because of you.

My mind decided to go
on vacation.
My thoughts are sporadic.
The only time I feel centered
is when I'm drunk.
Drinking after work and
a lot more on the weekends.
Waking up in yards,
and not remembering how
I got there.
Last night I was dancing,
and broke my toe.
Woke up this morning with
a hangover and my foot was
the size of a football.

Now, my mind is back.
Checked in to the hotel
of my skull.
I'm hoping it stays awhile
and helps me make
better decisions.

I don't want to be like this
anymore.
I want to be happy
and not mentally
or physically
sore.

I want to smile
because things go right
not because someone
bought me a shot.

Good things are coming
I can feel it.
I'm just too ****
impatient.

This little girl dropped her iPhone 6s Plus
outside of WaWa tonight.
No more than 12 years old.
The phone hit the ground
shattered,
but not as much as the little girls heart.
Falling to her knees, crying,
clutching her chest
like a wife learning her husband
died.
Her heart broke.

Her eyes filled up with water
like a bird bath
in a hurricane.

Screaming at the top of her lungs,
"WHYYY?!?!"

I could only hope for her sake
that's the only heart break
that she will ever feel.
Because dropping a phone
is nothing
compared
to a life
alone.

Entangled with each other
In bed
I warm her feet with
Mine.

I gaze into those beautiful
Blue eyes
And my heart starts to beat
So fast that it hurts.
It's so quiet in the room
You could probably hear it
Bouncing off my rib cage.

I wouldn't ever leave
This bed
If I didn't have to.

Her kiss is that of
Something you'd only be able to find
In a fiction novel.
Her lips mesmerize me every time
They touch mine.

Not many people can say this,
But I sure can:

I slept next to an angel.

Summer is here
The season for fun,
beach trips,
late night drives,
swimming,
and
memories.

Summer is the
worst season
to be alone.

The sun makes
us happy,
but doesn't give us love.

The beach brings us joy,
but doesn't fill the void.

Lonely summer nights
drinking a beer
by the fire,
stargazing.

I could count every star
in the sky,
and each one would remind me
of you.
The shine in your eyes
is uncomparable
to the sparkle of
the stars above.

This summer is about you,
and me.

This summer is about love.

My cigarette seems
to be lasting forever.
Or maybe, it’s my ninth
******* one.
Honestly,
I don’t even ******* know
anymore.

All I know
is that you said you loved me
and didn’t ******* mean it.
You said you loved me
and went on to ‘love’
someone else.
So **** quickly too.

I sit here day and night.
My eyes bloodshot from staring
at a computer screen
because everything else
in this hell hole of a room
reminds me of you.

The dreamcatcher you painted on my wall.
It’s still there.
I ******* hate it,
but can’t seem to paint over it.

I found a pair of your
******* socks
under the couch.
You’re everywhere and
I ******* hate it.

You ruined me,
and you show no remorse.
You killed me,
and got away with ******.

I gave my all
for nothing in return.

Best part is knowing now,
that you’re miserable.

And as miserable as I
may seem.
I’m content.
I’m relaxed.
And as hard as it may be
to say,
I’m happier now.
What I hate about it,
is that you made me this way.

She hides behind
those beautiful,
big blue eyes.
A whirlpool I
wouldn’t mind being
trapped in.

Those eyes,
they could tell
a hundred stories.

I would get lost
in that whirlpool.
Enjoy it’s thrashing
day after day

I would get lost
in that whirlpool.
Sinking deeper
and deeper.

I would get trapped
in that whirlpool.
Never wanting to escape.

I would be in love
in that whirlpool.

I would never let
it go.

That whirlpool.

Those eyes.

I fell in love
with those
beautiful,
big
blue
eyes.

Two o’clock in the morning.
She’s standing on the sidewalk
In front of his house
Her lips are blue
Like that of a drowning victim.
Her quivering, shaky little body
Caused her blue lips to
Crack
Like an earthquake.
It’s raining.
She stands in all black flats
In a puddle up to her
Ankles.
She stares at the front door.
She contemplates going
Back in.
She can’t stomach the fact
She will never be here again.
The rain caused her make up
To drift down her cheeks
As if she was crying
She wasn’t.
She’s passed that now.
She’s so numb to emotions.
Emotions, redundant emotions.
Happiness only lasts for a second
compared to a second of sadness
that can last a millennia.

Heartbroken, yet,
content.
She knew it was the end
the inevitable end
to something she thought
magical.

She lets out a tiny chuckle
backs up to the point
her heels hang off the curb.

Two o’clock in the morning
a car comes speeding down the
road.
She takes a breath in
exhales slowly.
So silently she voices,

“Good-bye.”

She fall backwards off the curb
headlights brighten up her face.
The door to the dreaded house
opens.

“I love you.”

It must be hard to be beautiful.

Little girls growing up
Thinking they need to get the wing
On their eyeliner
Just right,
Or they will be judged.

A boy has to have abs,
Or girls won’t notice them.

It must be hard to be beautiful.

I find beauty in the weird,
The strange,
And the unwelcomed.

I find perfection in the flawed
And in a dark sense of humor.

It must be hard to be beautiful.

It's times like this
that I'm sitting alone
in my room
with the T.V. off.
The only sound I hear
is the fan on my heater.

These are the times where
I think about you.
The times where I feel
like I'm actually alone.

It's been hard,
for the past ten years
to cope with something
like this.

The fact that you're gone,
and they way in which you left.
It hurts so ******' bad.
It's times like this where
I sit and I stare at the wall
and wonder if you've seen the
**** I've been through
and how I was strong.
How I didn't give up.
How I stuck around
because I felt I had too.
I needed to stay,
I'm going to be something
someday.
You'll see.
I'm doing it for me,
and for you,
and for Mom
and for Dad.

I'm doing it to show people
that you can come out of
the darkest parts of your
life
and keep pushing,
keep digging,
and taking all the hits you have to,
to come out on top.

I know me and you were different,
we always were,
but you're my brother,
and I miss you like crazy.
I hope you see where I'm going,
and I hope you're proud,


I'll see you one day.

It was like the sun
Shined
directly on me
And warmed me up to a crisp
The first time I saw her.

Blue eyes,
Brown hair,
A smile that could end a war.

Maybe it was the flower pattern
On her leggings
Or her shirt
That made me smile.

Maybe it's how I pay so much
Attention to the little things
About her.

Like the green triangle left on her
Finger
From the fake jewelry she wears.

Maybe it's how she laughs
How she listens
And how she talks.

Maybe it's her sense of humor
Or taste of music.

She's too beautiful and out
Of my league.
That's what my friends would say.

But to me she's perfection
In a flower pattern shirt
With fake jewelry,
Blue eyes,
And a beautiful smile.
To me she's the stars
The sun
And the Milky Way
To me,

She's perfect.

They say pain changes
people.
They say it can
make a person completely
lose touch with who they were
before whatever broke them.

Pain changed me.
I laugh at things that
would make most cringe.
I bully people with sarcasm
to make it seem like I’m joking,
when I’m really not.
I’m ******, blunt, and I couldn’t
give two *****.

On the other hand,
pain changed me,
and made me a better person.
Made me realize no one deserves
to feel the pain I felt.
to withstand the heartache I did.
To consume so much anger,
and have nowhere to toss it.

We all have our pros,
we all have our cons.

Let pain change you.
It’s supposed to.
Let love consume you to the
point of no return.
It’s going to anyway.

Just remember…

Lucifer was once an angel.

Take me to a place
where the sun
seems to never blind
you;
it's always dusk
or dawn.
Night lasts longer than normal.
The stars guide you
to a surreal place
in your mind.
The thorns of a rose bush
describe my feelings
for society to a point.
People bicker,
complain,
and drink.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink away their pains,
their sorrows,
their disappointments.

Drugs, *****, Cigarettes.
Anything to take your mind
off the pain.
Bills, Jobs, Rules.
Everything to keep you on your
toes.

Take me away.
Take me so far away,
that I forget who I am.

I want to forget it all.

I met this girl.

In the most awkward way.

She had the face of
an angel,
the body of a model,
and a personality best served with
celery.

I met her in a curious way.
A friend of mine
had a crush on her.
he was a lonely fellow,
a shy fellow,
and an insecure guy.
I forced him to hang out with her.
I brought him to her house, and claimed,

“I’m here for you, buddy.”

But let me tell you the regret
I felt when she walked out that door.
She was so bright,
she illuminated the secluded, dark, back street
she lived on
so much
the street lights were jealous.

She waved,
she smiled.

I knew exactly why my friend
had feelings for this girl.
The hardest part was,
now I did too.

We all became really close,
we talked all night every night.
One day, we went to the park
and I kissed her.
Sparks.
Fireworks.
Rainbows.
******’ UNICORNS
came out of the woodwork.
It was horrifyingly amazing.
It was like something out of a
terribly written
Disney movie.

I ended up dating this girl,
and almost lost a friend.
This girl broke my heart,
and I got my friend back.

Six years later,
an engagement gone wrong,
and my friend has been happily
committed to someone else.

And now I find myself
sitting here now,
thinking about the girl
who could make the street lights
jealous.
Thinking about her laugh
and how she hits me
when I pick on her.

How she believes in ghosts;
and how I find that ridiculous.
How she tries to
play it off like
she some ‘Hard *** Mo’Fo’.
But I know deep down she’s broken,
like me.
Her eyes are a gateway
to a place so far away.
A place where nothing can harm you.
Hearts don’t get broken,
tears don’t shed,
and love is energy.
I bought my ticket
to enter,
I hope it’s not too late
To catch that flight.

I want the chance to make her smile.
I want the chance to make her happy.
I want the girl
who can make the
streetlights jealous.

I have a picture in
my wallet.
Sometimes it makes me
smile and
sometimes it makes me cry.

You were only 5
holding you’re infant brother.
You looked so ******’
happy.

Now, you’re infant brother
is in his 20’s
drinking his pain away.
Trying to do the
impossible.
Trying to stick around
and push through the *******
which is life.

I find myself thinking about it.
Thinking how easy it could be.
To do what you did,
To leave this world on my own terms.

But after you left,
the vacancy signs
above that white gate
illuminated their no’s.

It’s not my time.
I keep telling myself that.
I need to stick around for Mom.
She’s so lost.
So’s Dad, yet he wouldn’t admit it.

My life would be so much different
with you in it.
I could just imagine the trouble we
would get into.
The crazy things we would do,
and the amazing lessons
you would have taught me.

Remember that time
You were playing catch with
a football?
You weren’t paying attention
where you were running
and ran right into a car.
Your knee was so ******
and when I asked you if you were okay,
all you had to say was
“*******, Jake.”
What I would do to hear that again.

But you’re gone now,
the world ***** now,
I’m all alone now,
Tears roll down my face
so frequently now.

I’m waiting for the No’s
on those illuminated Vacancy signs
to dim.
So I can follow you
See you once again.
Hug you like I never did.

I miss you,
I love you.
One day, big brother,
One day.

There is a chip in
The paint
On my wall.

The more I stare,
Paint falls off.

Right now,
Though,
All I can do is stare
At the chip
In the paint
On my wall.

My depression
Is corrupting this wall.
Because the more I stare
The more the paint
Continues to fall.

I'm sorry paint,
I'm sorry wall.

But, now you feel as I do.

You see,
My paint was chipping, too

I figured she would fix it.
But she stripped me of my
Color
And my uniqueness, too.

I'm sorry paint,
I'm sorry wall.

I guess some of us
Don't deserve
Color at all.

It’s hard.
You know, it’s hard.
It’s hard to leave the house
not knowing who you are.
It’s hard sitting here
trying to write a poem
better than my last -
What words sound good?
It’s hard getting up
in the morning
to waste my life away
at a desk.
It’s hard to make decisions
without knowing the
consequences.
It’s hard to quit smoking cigarettes
when you don’t necessarily care
that they are slowly killing you.
It’s hard to go to school
so you can make a ton of money
just to wind up in a **** ton
of debt.
It’s hard to deal with heartbreak
especially when it’s happened
dozens of times.


“It’s going to get easier.”
I tell that to people
that are having a rough time doing
whatever in the hell
they complain about.
I should listen to my own
advice.
But it’s hard.

Want to know what’s easy?
Love.
It’s easy to love a movie.
It’s easy to love a dog.
It’s easy to love another person.
Love is easy.
we need more love.
Less bills,
less complaining,
less drama,
less self doubt,
and insecurities.

Oh was Paul McCartney
so right when he said,

“All you need is love.”

Remember that time we took
a really long drive at night?

We ended up at the river,
some how.
We walked down to the water
and sat down.
We talked about the stars,
the universe,
and what it all meant.

We discussed aliens
and decided they were real.
We argued about what they would
look like.
You thought they would
have the little green bodies
and huge black eyes.
I thought they would look like us.

We smoked cigarettes all night
while we shamed people about
their bad habits.

I remember you put your feet in the
cold, dark water
and screamed.

You hated the cold.
You took my hoodie
and I shivered.

Do you remember that time?
Do you still think about it?

I do because that’s when you
loved me.
That was when nothing came between us.
Before the arguments,
the screaming,
the cheating,
the sitting in the same room
and not talking.

Before we would point out each other’s
flaws.
And tell each other what annoyed us about
each other.
Before the love just
disappeared.
Before my heart broke turned into
a frag grenade and exploded.

I swept those fragments of my heart up
and sprinkled them in the river
where we once loved each other.
I lost my heart in that river.
But that’s where I had felt it
last.

Don’t let anything
but gravity
hold you down.

The world is you’re oyster;
be the ******’ pearl.

Life isn’t going to give you lemons.
You have to wake up,
throw on your over-alls
and pick them yourself.

Just.
*******.
Love.
Yourself.