I want to go out into the world
And see people walk along the streets
I want to go window shopping, or the bakery to get some bread

I want to laugh with my friends, but not through a screen
I want to hug them as we go through the hallways of school

But all I can do is stay in my neighborhood
Crossing the street each time a person comes
Endure my family’s endless critiques
And them loudly talking as I try to concentrate
On my online classes and quizzes that I failed

I can only live in this bubble right now
It seems like the world is ending
I cannot keep pretending
That my friends are here with me
I cannot keep making conversations in my head
I cannot stop myself from slipping into the abyss
Of darkness and depression and uncontrollable emotions

The smell of Christmas
The smell of fall
The spicy sweet scent that causes you to remember it all
Her warm embrace her light touch
In the red leaves with giant sweaters
Flannels and the air getting colder
Fall...
Cinnamon, it warms you up
It brings you back to the greatest time of the year
It brings you back to your childhood as you celebrate Christmas cheer
It brings you back to the log cabins, the warmth of the fireplace, the hot beverages after a trek in the snow
Winter...

Cinnamon, cinnamon,
It is a timeless scent that is known anywhere
For when the air turns cold and red leaves and snowflakes fall
Cinnamon would be there for it all

Sometimes, the storm inside your head
Is so loud
That you can’t hear yourself think

It amplifies the noises around you
The world seems to scream
The whisper of your thoughts
Could never overpower the world’s chaos

I may find closer friends
But they will never match your wit
They will never have your laugh

I may find someone else to love
But they will never make me feel the way you made me feel
The butterflies would not be as colorful

I may choose another sibling
But they will never be as good of a compass that you were

The world may move on, I may walk forward
Time marches on, the earth still spins
But there will always be an empty space in my heart
Where you once dwelt

Though we live on the same earth
It seems as though our worlds have drifted apart
You are on mars and I am on Saturn
We are so close, yet so far apart
I am the earth, and you are the moon
Orbiting slowly around me
But never getting closer
Pulling on me with your gravity,
But I am not the one that makes you shine
Someone else illuminates you, you belong to someone else
The sun…

It’s time to take this broom
And sweep away the sorrows of winter
The heartbreak of last year
The betrayal of fall

Because...I am a flower ready to bloom
I need room to grow
I do not have space
For all these glass shards
But most of all…
I do not have space
To be a pawn in someone else’s game

Strangers
They see a quiet young teenager
Short black hair that the wind messes up
Brown, shy eyes that refused to make eye contact
A seemingly, insecure teen

Through the eyes of friends
They see a loud chaotic ball of energy
Filled with passion, but filled with pessimism
An emotional mess
But will always be there for you

Family
They see the worst side of me
They see my storms, my frustrations, my tears
They are so close but they could never be more far away
They will never know this maze