Escape the food flyin'
family
frenzy
that is my life.

Let's bully, lie, and threaten.
Words will never hurt, right?
Physical wounds heal much faster,
Than the holes found in my heart.

Go ahead! Look at my face,
and be fooled by my plastered smile.
Maybe the hurt is not showing,
But that doesn't make it futile.

I'll do my best not to cry in public.
I don't want you to know of your power.
You're just a monster, driven by hate.
I can put up with you no longer.

Today should have made a year and a half
Should have. . . but it didn't.
Instead of celebrating a day I'd looked forward to
for months, I tried to forget it.
But failed.
The funny thing about failure is this:
I usually don't know what i'm doing,
That's why I fail.
But not this time.
Maybe I don't know what I'm doing,
but I failed because I didn't want to forget it
I don't want to forget you.

Weeks have gone by, but I can still feel your arms around me.
You still haunt my dreams; I wonder
If there will ever come a day
When you don't.

I think about our lass kiss, back in early December.
The way you looked at me,
with so much love in your eyes,
and how you leaned in to steal one last kiss
before your parents stole you away from me.

You always had to steal kisses from me.

As we kissed our last kiss,
I felt you smile, and I smiled too.
I took a step back, just to be wrapped up in you
once again.
Little did I know that
was the last time you'd hold me like that.

I wish I could live in that moment.

I wrote you a letter, my love,
and was going to send it with your clothes,  
but I don't know if i can.
I asked my mother to mail your things back
the day after Christmas,
but they still sit on a chair in her room,
taunting me.

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night
Sobbing,
Frantically searching for your hoodie
(I always used to sleep with it).
It is only when I cannot find it
that I am able to comprehend the fact
That you are no longer mine.

You will never again be mine.

I stole a glance across the room,
And prayed you wouldn't see. . .
I hoped you'd think of everything
'Cept what we used to be.

It was a blessing, and a curse,
But neither saw it then.
Only now can I look back,
And see you weren't my friend.

They say love blinds a person,
But, our "friendship" left me torn.
You'd use me up, and dry me out. . .
Then leave me useless and worn.

I look to the sky,

I stare at the ground.

What do I see?

Nothing.

I glance to my left,

I peer to my right.

Who's standing there?

No one.

I wonder what has happened,

Where can they all be?

But I am so focused on myself,

That is all I see.

In the meanings of my many tears,
the memories wander.

I have an unhealthy desire to pack my things,
take the next flight to anywhere,
and never look back.
Not even once.
Starting over in a new place
where no one knows my name
would be quite the adventure.
If one day, I up and left,
my mother would take it harder than anyone else,
but even she would need only shed a single tear
before the image of her other "good" children
charged to the front of her conscious.
Then I'd be able to watch her forget me,
but only from a safe distance.

when i look at you
i see our future
in your eyes.