as much as i don't have my ****
together (as much as i forget to
do my dishes or take out the
trash or breathe regularly) i
would have figured myself
out for you,   would have
taught myself to be tidy
and small, would have
studied   the    art    of
going  a   f u l l   day
without  having  a
panic       attack,
would   h a v e
read   up   on
how  to  get
myself  out
of bed and
i n t o  the
s h o w e r
every  day.
i     haven't
watered my
plants   since
the  first  week
o  f      j  u  n  e.

when i look at you
i see our future
in your eyes.

I confronted the space between us;
I looked her right in the eyes.

Perplexed, I questioned her existence,
but she gave me a sly smile.

"If it's answers that you're after,
my dear, don't waste your breath.

Only time will sort and simmer
the mess inside your head."

She turned and scurried off
before I could object;

But love, she got me thinking,
about the heart that I protect.

The walls built high around my heart,
the soldiers and their swords.

From whom am I so guarded?
Who do I fear the most?

My love who holds the power alone,
holds me close tonight.

This time, her apology came in the form
of a caramel macchiatto
on a Tuesday morning.
No words:
just scalding coffee and gritted teeth
received by timid fingers
and pursed lips.

And it was enough for me,
until I realized that
all the sugar packets in the state
couldn't sweeten her words
or soothe my burnt tongue.